


To Make It Count

by Jazzfordshire



Series: to make each day count (Titanic AU) [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, Lena is a repressed lesbian who wants Kara to bench press her, Minor Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, No dead wlw on this boat, Supercorp Titanic AU, THIS IS A TITANIC AU, They can both fit on the door, WITH NO CHARACTER DEATH I PROMISE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-11 05:16:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 64,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12928290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazzfordshire/pseuds/Jazzfordshire
Summary: “Alex, I’m sorry...”“Sorry?! Kara, you bet everything we have -“Kara cuts off Alex’s rising temper quickly with a loud interjection. “I’m sorry, but we’re gonna have a very long boat trip ahead of us.”“...what?”“Because we’re going to America. Full house! Ha!”ORThe happy ending Titanic AU that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is basically a self-indulgent fulfillment of my lifelong desire to 1. Rewrite Titanic with a happier ending, and 2. Make it gay. So, imagine Titanic, but longer. And deeper. And gayer.
> 
> And, I will not be killing our gays! I’m a sucker for happy endings, and they’re smart enough to both fit on the door.

Numb. That’s how Lena feels - cold and calm. Resigned.

Peering out the window at the crowded dock, Lena steels herself as the car slows. It’s no secret how she feels about this trip to America - she made her opinion clear to her fiancée when he purchased the tickets over six months ago. 

_“Darling, it’s the largest ship ever made. Grandiose, unsinkable! We’ll arrive in New York on the finest transportation known to man."_

_“I don’t_ want _to go to New York, Mon-El, as you would well know if you had_ _ **asked**_ _me_ _before making this life-altering decision."_

_“A woman’s fancies aren’t high on my list of priorities when it comes to business decisions, Lena.” Mon-El takes a swig of his brandy, his pomaded hair falling slightly into his reddened face as he paces in front of her._

_“We’re going to New York. The market is better, our wedding is already planned, and perhaps in better company you’ll learn to obey your husband and forget these...dalliances of yours.”_

_Lena’s cheeks colour. “Veronica wasn’t a_ _dalliance_ _-“ she begins, rising from her seat._

_“Sit. Down. They’re a bad influence on you, these_ _friends_ , _women who try to act and study as men do. It will end, Lena. Along with your other associations here. I already withdrew your application to Oxford.”_

After that conversation, she didn’t dare push the issue. She was being shipped to America, whether she liked it or not.

And she definitely leans towards the latter. Lena _adores_ Britain. It’s her home, the place she was born and the only place she could remember being loved. When the Luthors adopted her, they were adamant that she be conditioned out of her ‘provincial’ Irish accent and trained to speak like a well-bred lady. Whenever she slipped up, she was punished. And of course after Lex’s crimes led to stakeholders and lawyers demanding the majority of the Luthor fortune, she was punished even more harshly for every transgression.

She’s expected to hold down a good husband now, one who can support Lillian as well. Their _ticket_ , Lillian calls her. A poor substitute for Lex, but the only hope the Luthors have of salvaging their standing. Happiness, freedom, joy - none of these are likely to be a part of Lena’s future. 

Her leanings towards women have always been somewhat of an open secret. While Lex had borne the burden of the Luthor legacy, she had been free to do more or less what she liked, as long as she was discreet - Veronica, a friend from finishing school, had been her last affair, but her mother had put a swift end to it. Lena still isn’t sure what she did, but she suspects that it involved bribery.

She had hoped she could maintain those relationships even through her engagement – most people she knew of had indulged in extramarital affairs at some point, after all - but, she supposes, when your brother goes on a xenophobic murderous rampage, discretion and privacy go out the window. Now, she only has Mon-El. An engagement ring. An obligation that she wishes she could escape.

Lena has never even left Europe before. Lillian already successfully stomped out all noticeable vestiges of her lower-class origins, and now her final connection to her birth mother will be gone, severed like a thread as she sails away on the R.M.S. Titanic. She wants to fight. She wants to cry, scream, demand that she be listened to - she wants to go to Oxford and study engineering and leave her mother and her fiancée and this superficial life behind. 

Instead, she takes a deep breath and puts on her best Luthor mask. Her maid, Jess, puts a gentle hand on her arm.

“Are you all right, Miss Luthor?”

“I’m fine, Jess. Just...nervous. You know I hate being on the ocean. It’s so...” Lena shudders, and Jess nods sympathetically. 

“Unpredictable, I know. Once we’ve boarded, perhaps I can call for a drink?”

Lena feels relief seep into the edges of her anxious mind at the thought of a few fingers of scotch. “That would be wonderful. Just -“

“He won’t know a thing, Miss.”

“Thank you, Jess.”

Jess is the one constant that Lillian allows her. Her maid since she was a teenager, Jess is a friend and companion, and the only person in the world who seems to truly care about her wellbeing. Her reach is limited, but she does her best to help Lena when things get particularly difficult. Mon-El initially insisted that she take one of his staff as her personal maid, but she stood firm. Without Jess, Lena would be lost.

As the car comes to a stop and the door opens, Lena takes the hand offered to her by the driver and steps out into the sunlight. Thankful for the hat that shades her eyes from the worst of the brightness, she squints up at the ship. 

“It doesn’t look any bigger than the Mauritania.”

Mon-El, of course, can always be counted on to disagree with her. “Lena, don’t be petulant. The Titanic is far larger than the Mauritania. We’ll be treated as we deserve, here. Like royalty. You’ll see, sweetpea.”

As he speaks, he holds out his arm to Lillian, just emerging from the car with her cold and inscrutable eyes trained on Lena. Always on Lena, ever since she was a child, picking out every flaw, every detail until Lena accepted that she would never be perfect in her mother’s eyes.

“So this is the ship they say is unsinkable.” Even Lillian seems impressed.

Lena takes in the ship, noting its size as it sits in the harbour. She has far less faith in the so-called 'indestructible' construction of the ship than her fiancée does. Running her eyes over the rivets in the hull, she leans over to Jess.

“I doubt it’s truly unsinkable. An iron hull doesn’t mean it’s invulnerable - enough force could still puncture it.” Lena imagines the ship taking on water, slowly sinking into a choppy sea, it’s great smokestacks falling like dominoes -

Mon-El’s voice cuts through her spiralling thoughts. 

“It is unsinkable! God himself could not sink this ship-“

As Mon-El is interrupted by a uniformed officer asking after their luggage, Lena takes the opportunity to slip away. Suddenly overwhelmed, Lena feels her chest constrict painfully - the noise, the smell of thousands of people all clamouring to board, the screaming of the gulls overhead, her fiancée’s smug voice as he pays his way out of doing any real work - it all blends together into a cacophony as Lena tries to calm her erratic breathing. 

“Lena, darling, what are you doing? We need to board. Where is that useless maid of yours?”

Lillian’s cool tones still cause the same reaction they have since she was a child, when her tears for her real mother were met with cold indifference and harsh reminders that Luthors _did not cry._ Her brain shutters, the panic pushed to the back of her thoughts as she straightens and obediently follows her mother and Mon-El to the boarding ramp. 

Her fiancee’s grip is like a vice on her arm as he leads her onto the ship, into a life she doesn’t want and a country she doesn’t know. She usually tries to stay firmly on the side of realism rather than fancy, but with Mon-El at her side, Lillian ahead, and Mon-El’s loyal manservant Corben following them with the bags, Lena has the distinct feeling that she’s being dragged onto the Titanic in chains. 

* * *

Deep breaths. In and out. One breath at a time, one day at a time. 

Granted, most of Kara’s days don’t involve high-stakes, all-in poker games. On days like this, she thought, she could be allowed a bit of worrying.

Biting her lip, she looks over at Alex, who is studying her cards with practiced indifference. She doubts that their opponents can tell, but she can read her sister like a book – and Alex’s book is telling her that she has a bad hand. 

In front of them, in a pile on the scratched wooden table, is everything they own. Coins, a few small bills, Alex’s watch, and even Kara’s precious multi-use pocketknife sit beside the ultimate prize - two tickets to the ship that lay in harbour just outside the window. Two tickets to freedom, to endless days sketching in the California sunshine and the smell of Eliza’s cooking filling their little family house in Midvale. Two tickets home.

Kara hadn’t been home in far too long.

“Well, this is it. Someone’s luck is about to change.” She sees the vein in Alex’s neck pop slightly - a reminder that Kara had practically begged her to put it all on the line just a few minutes ago.

_“Come on, Alex! What’s life without a little adventure?”_

_“Safe, Kara. Life without adventure is_ safe _.”_

 _Kara scoffed. “What fun is safe?! Alex, if we win these tickets, we can go home._ Home _. I know you miss it.”_

_“Of course I do, but -“_

_Kara interrupted her, pacing furiously in their secluded corner of the pub. “But I feel lucky! Imagine it - we win the tickets, we get on board the nicest ship ever built, and we sail into the horizon to New York! From there we make our way out working the railroad or something, and within a few weeks we’re back in Midvale.”_

_“That is all dependent on winning this game! We’ve been living mobile for 4 years, Kara. We have nothing saved. If we lose, we lose_ _**everything**_ _.”_

_“What do we have that we can’t get back eventually?”_

Kara studies her cards. So close - she’s _so close_ to a great hand. One card will make or break her. Just one. If she draws the wrong card, they could lose everything, and Alex will probably murder her in the alley outside. She and Alex will go back to being effectively homeless, and it might be years before they get to go home again. If she draws the right one - well, there’s a slightly _smaller_ chance that Alex will murder her in the alley. This is a one in a million shot. 

Hands shaking slightly, Kara draws her card. 

An ace.

An _ace._

Deep breath. In and out.

“Okay. Let’s see ‘em.” 

As each player reveals their cards, Kara’s heart beats faster. Alex has nothing, slamming her cards to the table with a clenched jaw and a glare at Kara. The girl across from her with the shocking white hair (what was her name? Lisa? Leslie?) throws down nothing as well. Kara’s heart pounds harder. One more left.

The burly man across from Kara smirks, and Kara’s heart sinks. He sets his cards down. 

A two pair. 

Oh. 

_Oh._

Kara fights to contain her smile. Locking eyes with Alex, she sighs dramatically.

“Alex, I’m sorry...”

“ _Sorry?!_ Kara, you bet _everything we have._ Everything! We -“ 

Kara cuts off Alex’s rising temper with a loud interjection. “I’m sorry, but we’re gonna have a very long boat trip ahead of us.”

“...what?”

“Because we’re going to America. Full house! Ha!”

Kara throws her cards on the table, jumping up to punch the air. Suddenly the table is a flurry of activity - Leslie is frantically checking Kara’s cards, her huge partner is flipping his chair and gesturing heavily as he swears at her in German, and Alex is jumping up to throw her arms around Kara’s neck.

“Are you serious? Are you _serious_?” Alex’s eyes wide and unbelieving.

“Alex, we’re going home!”

Kara is in the clouds, riding a rush, she’s invincible, she can do anything, she can practically _fly_ -

“If you’re going, you’d better be quick. The Titanic is leaving in 5 minutes.” The barkeep gestures behind him at a large clock – it reads 11:55.

Okay, maybe no flying.

“Shit!” Alex breathes, all the elation of the last minute evaporating in a second and leaving panic in its wake. Snatching the tickets, Kara starts sweeping their other winnings into their canvas bag as Alex holds it open, flying out the door as soon as the table is cleared. 

Together they sprint through the crowd, running full tilt towards the ship of dreams. 

“Yes! We can make it, Alex! We’ve got this! Look at the size of it, can you believe we’re gonna sail on that thing?!”

“Not if we don’t make it in time!”

Rounding the corner, Kara sees a ramp being pulled back into the ship. 

_Not on my watch._

With a burst of speed, Kara flies over the gap and onto the ramp. “Wait! Wait, two more! We’re passengers!”

Alex catches up, doubling over behind her and wheezing as Kara thrusts their tickets into the porter’s face. 

“Er. Have-have you been through the inspection line?” The man seems frazzled, not expecting to see two bedraggled women sprint onto his ramp last minute. 

“Of course! And we’re Americans. Both of us!" She isn’t sure if it’s the time constraint, the tickets she’s still waving under his nose, or her own earnest smile, but after a moments’ hesitation he moves aside and they clamber through the door, giddy with their success.

“Are you kidding? Alex, we’re here! Do you know how _lucky_ we are?” Kara practically skips through the narrow hallways, dragging Alex behind her.

They navigate the crowded third-class corridors with ease, Kara grinning from ear to ear and introducing herself to other passengers along the way. Finally finding their room, Alex shoulders the door open, only to bounce away slightly as it makes contact with a tiny brunette.

“Ow, Jesus – what the hell?”

Kara jumps in immediately. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! We didn’t realize there’d be anyone in here yet. I’m Kara, Kara Danvers, and this is my sister, Alex. How is everyone?" There’s a moment of silence in the room, as the brunette looks the pair up and down. Seemingly satisfied, she extends a hand.

“Maggie Sawyer. This is Winn,“ She gestures to a wiry man on the top bunk across the room, who waves jovially. “James is over by the sink, and that’s Lucy.”

As Kara introduces herself to each of them in turn, Alex puts each of their bags onto one of the six beds. A low, teasing voice pipes up from behind her, making Alex tense up visibly. 

“Next time, watch where you’re going, Danvers.” Maggie smirks, the grin showing off two perfect dimples. Alex’s cheeks heat up, and Kara frowns. Her sister has a short fuse, but it’s not usually _this_ short. 

“ _Watch where I’m_ – maybe next time make sure the shortest person in the room isn’t standing behind the door!” She glares down at the shorter woman, refusing to look away from her suddenly intrigued brown eyes.

Sensing an inevitable conflict here, Kara jumps in before Maggie can retort.

“Uhhh…Alex! We have to go up on deck.” she says suddenly, startling her sister out of her staring competition.

“What? Why?”

“We have to say goodbye!”

“To _who_?” Alex scoffs, incredulous.

“To everyone, silly! To this place! Who knows when we’ll be coming back?”

Before Alex can protest, Kara is running towards the stairs. 

* * *

Emerging onto the lower deck, Kara runs directly to the railing and hoists herself up a few rungs, waving enthusiastically at the crowd. 

“Who are you even waving to? You don’t know anyone down there, except maybe the two people we won money from.”

“That’s not the point, Alex!” Kara continues waving, yelling her goodbyes at the mass of people waving back from the dock as the ship pulls out into the open water.

Heading for the horizon. For New York. For home. 

This is good, Kara muses. A good day. Looking over at Alex, her hair whipping around her face, cracked in a rare and genuine smile, Kara beams.

One day at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been writing pretty fast (because writing this is a dream tbh) so I should be able to update a few times a week. 
> 
> Come yell at me in the comments! I'm vain, and I feed off your opinions. You can also find me on tumblr @jazzfordshire.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Leaning onto the railing, Lena lets her eyes drift over the lower deck. She sees an older man reading a newspaper, a father and daughter looking over the edge of the ship, a group of women around one of the benches –
> 
> One woman.
> 
> One woman who is definitely staring at her.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first chapter was pretty short, so here’s a longer one to tide you over. Chapter 3 should be up on Saturday! 
> 
> Our girls finally interact, and it's gay as hell.

The calm is receding. Slowly but surely, even the chilling effect of her mother’s presence isn’t quite enough to keep Lena’s panic at bay. Even in their palatial suite, surrounded by warm red wood and plush furniture, she feels trapped. The low buzz of self-important voices gets louder as Mon-El and Lillian instruct the servants in their unpacking, and the drink that Jess snuck her when they arrived hadn’t been nearly enough to calm her nerves. She needs a distraction. She needs-

“I’m going to set out my collection.” Lena’s voice is shaky, but loud.

Lillian and Mon-El pause, looking at her with disapproval. “Darling, it’s bad enough that you insisted on having those finger-paintings carted over with us, _must_ you set them up where everyone has to see them?” Lillian’s voice is cutting, meant to indicate that what Lena planned would _not_ be happening.

“Oh, Lillian, leave it. If she wants the damn things up, let her. You have your own drawing room, don’t you? This Picano fellow isn’t exactly talented, but you needn’t come in here and see them.”

“It’s Picasso, Mon-El.” He doesn’t hear, his attention already diverted by the drinks cart. All the better.

Immediately, Jess fetches the storage boxes and carefully starts pulling out paintings. As each one emerges, she feels herself calm incrementally. Each painting is its own little world, profoundly true and real, a small escape from the inertia of her own life.

“I don’t understand why you collect those, Lena. Mon-El could buy you anything you want – dresses, silks, jewels – and all you want is dirty oil paintings from some Italian beggar.”

“He’s Spanish, mother. And I love his work. It makes sense to me. There’s truth, but no logic.”

Mon-El cuts in as he brandishes a fresh brandy glass. “Right. Well, at least they’re cheap.”

Lena resists the urge to roll her eyes.

 

* * *

 

This ship is _amazing._ Alex and Kara have seen a lot of ships in their time – they often headed off to new places by selling their labour on ships, and Kara has always had a penchant for on-board exploration. But nothing compares to the size of the Titanic. Even the third-class rooms were nicer than any accommodations they've had since leaving Midvale, and the decks are absolutely enormous. Everything is bright and clean, from the smokestacks down.

As the ship steams away from the coast they make their way towards the bow, almost afraid to touch the shiny new benches and railings as they pass.

“Goodbye, Europe!” Kara waves at the retreating coastline, drawing a few confused stares from passersby.

“I don’t think it can hear you, Kara.” Alex huffs.

“And how could you _possibly_ know that?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And you love me.” Kara sings as she runs towards the front of the ship. With a sigh, Alex follows. 

“God, Alex, look at this view!” Kara exclaims, practically launching herself onto the front railing and standing tall, stretching her arms wide as she takes in the horizon. “Isn’t it beautiful? It feels like I’m flying!”

Seeing her sister bouncing precariously on the rails, Alex makes a strangled noise. 

“Kara!”

“I’m the queen of the world! I’m **Supergirl!** ” Kara’s voice carries out onto the endless waves, her elation proving to be slightly contagious despite Alex’s worries.

“ _Kara!_ Get down, you’re going to hurt yourself. You’re not indestructible, believe it or not. Mom will kill me if-”

“I’m not gonna fall in the water, Alex. The wind is blowing me backwards. If anything, I’ll fall on you. Now, get up here!” Kara reaches back and pulls Alex towards her. "I can see the Statue of Liberty already! It's really small, of course."

“Kara, it really isn’t safe.“ Alex tries to reason, but she’s interrupted by Kara’s delighted squeal.

“Dolphins!!”

 _“..._ Okay _,_ thatI have to see _.”_

 

* * *

 

The drone of inane conversation fills Lena’s ears as she picks at her food listlessly.

Initially, she had been excited for this meal. Mr. J’onzz, the Chief Engineer, and Mr. Maxwell Lord, the Director of the entire White Star line, had invited them to lunch to discuss the ship and the process of its construction. Cat Grant was also joining them – the enigmatic female CEO of New York’s largest media company, Cat was fiery and did not tolerate being talked down to. Several times, Mr. Lord had attempted to interject or talk over her, and had been firmly and categorically shut down. Lena had hoped that the conversation would be engaging.

Lena enjoyed watching Cat single-handedly beat her mother into submission via verbal sparring, but it was clear that even with her there, the conversation would remain in the realm of petty barbs and empty flattery of Mr. Lord rather than the scientific and mechanical discussion that Lena aches for. Her chest still hurts at the thought of her acceptance letter to Oxford’s engineering program, rarely offered to women, sitting in her desk drawer. It was useless now. Mon-El had written to them to withdraw her application, and she doubts that she’ll have the opportunity to study after the wedding. Most likely, he expects her to start bearing children right away.

Suddenly, she’s overcome with nausea.

As the waiter arrives, Mon-El doesn’t even wait for her to open her mouth before he orders for her.

“We’ll both have the lamb. Rare, with very little mint sauce. You like lamb, right sweet pea?”

She hates lamb.

_Is this what my life will be?_

“Are you going to cut her meat for her too, Michael? Feed it to her piece by piece? For goodness sake, the girl can order for herself.” Cat Grant’s acerbic tones rang out across the table, confident in her wit.

Mon-El’s jaw tightens. “It’s Mon-El.”

“Hm?”

“My name, Ms. Grant. It’s Mon-El, not Michael.”

“Well, if you want people to remember it, perhaps you should choose a less ridiculous pseudonym. You sound like a villain in a dime-store novel.”

She feels Mon-El tense next to her. She appreciates seeing him taken down a peg or two, but somehow she feels like his volatile mood will come around to hurt her later. Hands shaking slightly, she pulls out her cigarette case and lights one. It's a boarding school habit that she knows she should kick, but it’s one of the few things that calms her these days.

“You know I don’t like that, Lena.” Lillian murmurs, disapproval dripping from her tone. Lena ignores her, gratefully breathing in the calming smoke.

“She knows.”

Mon-El reaches over, seizing the cigarette from its holder between Lena’s fingers and putting it out.

Lena freezes. A wave of anger rises up within her, and as she looks across the table, her eyes meet Cat Grant’s. Ms. Grant, her own cigarette in hand, arches one eyebrow and levels her with a piercing stare. She's beseeching Lena. Daring her.

_Fight back._

Lena lowers her head. She can’t. Mother will make her pay for it later. She can’t.

But God, does she want to.

“I wanted her to convey size, power, and above all, strength.”

As Maxwell Lord continues his speech, her eyes meet Cat’s once again, and Lena finds herself speaking.

“Do you know of a Dr. Freud, Mr. Lord? His theories on the male preoccupation with size may be of particular interest to you.”

Lena hears a snort – Mr. J’onzz had chokes on his food, trying to hide his laughter. Cat doesn't even attempt to hide her smile, winking at Lena.

Feeling her mother’s cold gaze on her neck, Lena stands up from the table.

“Excuse me.”

Fleeing the room was probably cowardly, Lena muses as she makes her way as far back as the upper deck would take her. Mother would give her a lecture tonight, about obedience and family and obligation. But for now, she has a moment to herself.

Approaching the edge of the balcony overlooking the lower deck, Lena takes a deep breath. As much as the sea terrifies her, she can admit that there's some degree of freedom in looking to the horizon and seeing nothing but ocean. As the wind whips around her face, she feels it tugging irritatingly at her hat.

She wishes she wasn’t wearing it. She wishes she could remove it, pull the pins from her hair, and let it free in the wind. The tight hairstyle her mother had fashioned that morning was making her head pound. As she observes the second and third class passengers, she envies their comfortable clothing, their easy smiles. Everything she's wearing – her tight hair, her corset, her pinching shoes, her finicky hat – each item is a symbol of the cage her life has become.

Frustrated, Lena removes the hat. She stares at it for a moment – it's a particularly ugly one, bought for her by Mon-El – and, on a whim, she pitches the thing into the sea.

She sees it land, a spot of bright green in the ship’s wake, before it’s swallowed by the waves.

… _shit._

_Why did I do that?_

She curses Cat Grant for getting to her. For making her want to fight.

_When I fight, it just makes it worse._

Deep breaths.

Leaning onto the railing, Lena lets her eyes drift over the lower deck. She sees an older man reading a newspaper, a father and daughter looking out over the edge of the ship, a group of women around one of the benches –

One woman.

One woman who is  _definitely_ staring at her.

As they lock eyes, Lena takes her in – she’s tall, certainly taller than her friend sitting next to her on the railing. She’s dressed practically, with fitted brown pants, short leather boots, and a slightly loose white button-down rolled up to her elbows. The sun flashes off of her eyeglasses – _perhaps she isn’t looking at me after all? A trick of the light?_

She balances a sketchbook on her knee, and a piece of charcoal. Her blonde hair is half up, the loose parts flying in the wind and wreathing her like a golden halo. It’s hard to tell with the looseness of her shirt, but she also thinks she can see some serious muscle definition. Lena shivers, and looks away quickly. A glance, that’s all. No more.

_Is she still looking? She can’t be. She must have looked away by now. If I look again, she’ll know I noticed her._

_I shouldn’t._

Lena can’t help herself.

She looks back.

The woman hasn’t looked away. In fact, she’s taken her glasses off, and seems to be looking at her even more intently. Their eyes lock, pale green and vibrant blue, and Lena’s chest feels tight. She feels like this woman sees her, _really_ sees her, sees through the mask she’s so carefully created to survive – even from 60 feet away Lena is laid bare before her concerned gaze, and she can’t look away. Neither, apparently, can the woman – her gaze gets more focused by the second.

Lena swallows hard, her body heating up.

_Should I go to her?_

No, she can’t - mother and Mon-El will be looking for her; and as if by magic, as she completes the thought, Mon-El appears at her elbow, his suffocating cologne following him like a cloud. 

“Storming off like that is unbecoming, Lena. Come back to lunch, now.” His voice is so smarmy, so self-righteous, and Lena feels emboldened by the strange staring contest with the beautiful woman below. 

“I’m not hungry.”

“Lena, this immaturity will end. You’ve embarrassed both me and your mother, and you _will_ -“ Mon-El makes a grab for her arm, and she pulls it from his grasp.

“Let _go_ of me. I’m going back to my rooms.”

“Lena –“

But Lena is gone, wishing desperately that she’d had more time.

 

* * *

  

“So, where are you guys headed after we dock?" 

Maggie’s legs swing back and forth from her perch on the railing of the lower deck, narrowly missing Kara’s head, which is bent intently over her sketchpad. The father and his young daughter standing nearby make interesting subjects – they're talking and gesticulating, which means that she has to capture the essence of the scene rather than the details.

“We’ll probably stay in New York for a while. Kara’s cousin offered to let us stay with him if we were ever in the area, so hopefully the offer still stands.”

“Of course it does, Alex!” Kara replies without looking up. “Clark will be so excited to see us.” Clark has no idea they’re coming, but Kara has no doubt that he and his new wife will welcome them.

Maggie cocked her head, confused. “Kara’s cousin? Not yours? I thought you were sisters?”

“Adoptive sisters. But Kara is family, she always has been.”

Maggie nods, her dimples making an appearance as she smiles at Alex’s defensive tone. “And after New York?”

“Our family is from Midvale. We’ll probably head back there when we get the money.” Alex fusses with her short hair, windblown from the high speeds on the deck.

Maggie stares at her, seeming thoughtful. “What?” Alex is defensive, crossing her arms as Maggie regards her.

“Nothing. Anyone ever tell you you’re really tightly wound?” Maggie smirks as Alex sputters indignantly, uncrossing her arms. Kara looks up, meaning to laugh at Alex’s blushing face. As she glances past her sister towards the upper-class deck, she sees a flash of green.

The flash of green is a dress, and wearing the dress is a woman – possibly the most beautiful woman Kara has ever seen.

She looks like she’s been chiseled from marble, all alabaster skin and jet-black hair and sharp jawline. Sadness is present in every line of her face, and Kara feels her heart ache for her.

Her eyes, though, flash strong and bright, refusing to be smothered by the deep despair that seems to radiate from her like an aura. She approaches the railing and leans on it, seeming to deflate as she looks towards the horizon. She reaches up and takes off her hat, an ostentatious frilly thing, and gazes at it for a few moments before - to Kara’s shock - she pitches the thing into the water.

Kara grins. _I like her._ The woman seems surprised at her own actions, then, and starts to fidget with her gloves.

Kara gazes at her, knowing her expression must seem almost reverent. She tries to absorb as many of her features as she can, and before she can really think about it, she has a fresh piece of paper on her lap and the bare outlines of the woman’s face sketched onto it. She has to draw this woman. She _has_ to get this moment on paper before it slips away, but she can barely pull her eyes away long enough to look at the page.

The woman glances over, and Kara could swear that for a moment, their eyes meet before she looks away again. Kara feels something, something intangible – an invisible string pulling her towards this person, an irresistible draw. _Look at me,_ Kara thinks. _Look back at me._  

As if she could hear Kara’s ardent wish, the dark-haired woman looks back. Deliberately, Kara is sure of it. Their eyes are locked now, Kara can almost see the pale colour of them as they flash in the sunlight, and the feeling swells. Even as Maggie laughs and waves a hand in front of her face, Kara can’t look away. Something about her demeanour is screaming at her – crying out for help. She has to help –

A man appears behind the woman, grabbing her elbow roughly, and Kara feels anger well up inside her. As the woman rips her arm away and stalks off, it settles into a strange sort of pride.

_Who is she?_

Maggie’s voice cuts through Kara’s thoughts. “Good luck with that, little Danvers. The only reason women like that come down here is to let their dogs take a shit.” Alex snorts at that, her eyes never leaving Maggie’s face. “Besides, she didn’t look particularly… _sapphic._ That’s a recipe for heartbreak, kid.” Maggie jumps down off the railing, making her way towards the mess nearest staircase. “Come on, I’m hungry.”

Kara is still staring at the railing where the woman stood. She looks down and is surprised to find that her hands seem to have finished a rough outline of the woman leaning against the railing on their own.

“Are you coming, Kara? It’s almost time for dinner.” Alex plucks absently at Kara’s sleeve as she moves to follow Maggie inside the ship.

“Yeah. Yeah, just a minute, okay? I want to finish this before I lose it.”

Kara registers some surprise as her sister leaves without a fight, following Maggie towards the mess hall without so much as a disapproving look at Kara.

_Hm. Looks like Alex might be less tightly wound by the time this trip is over._

* * *

 

Lena is starting to think that her panic attacks are attached, in some strange Pavlovian way, to waltzes played on soft string instruments.

Around her, the dinner service seems to pass in slow motion. She observes, in a detached way, how her mother simpers and gossips with Countess Rhea. Beside her, Mon-El calls for more champagne, laughing loudly at whatever Maxwell Lord considers a joke. She observes the scene not from her own eyes, but from somewhere above. She’s an interloper, detached from events and able to see into the future, to hundreds of dinners like these. The same narrow people, the same mindless chatter, and the same Lena, screaming and beating at the bars of her gilded cage.

Her detached calm is shattered when Mon-El roughly takes her hand in his and stretches it out across the table to show off his engagement ring to the Countess. It’s an obscenely large diamond, and one that Lena wouldn’t be caught dead wearing if she wasn’t required to.

Suddenly, it’s all too much. The music, the conversation, Mon-El’s hand smothering hers and his breath on her cheek. She feels like her body is gradually catching fire, like she’s standing at the cliff’s edge with nobody there to pull her back - nobody who cared, or even noticed.

She rips her hand from Mon-El’s grasp, and runs.

Distantly, she can hear her mother making her excuses – “My apologies, Countess, Lena has been feeling seasick –“, and she keeps running. As far and as fast as her legs will take her. She has to go, she has to leave this place, _now, now, **now**._

She runs through the upper decks and down towards the back of the ship, not caring as she collides with pedestrians. She hardly notices the tears streaming down her face, or that she’s breathing in panicked gasps. As she barrels through the gate leading to the third-class deck, she notes dimly that nearby was where she had seen her mystery woman earlier that day. She fails to notice the figure lying on that particular bench, looking up at the stars.

Finally, Lena reaches the back of the ship. The end of the line. The furthest that she can possibly get from her life, and it isn’t far enough. She gasps for air, uncaring that her makeup has started to run or that she’s practically hyperventilating. Her knuckles turn white as she grips the curved railing – _I need to get out, I need to get out –_ and as her heart rate slows, she looks down at the black water. It churns sluggishly in the April air as the propellers slice through it .

Suddenly, she can breathe. She feels cold again, and deadly calm.

_Of course._

Her hands relax on the railing.

_I need to get away._

She raises a foot, and pulls herself up a rung.

_There’s no more ship._

Before she’s really thought about it, she’s over the rail and hanging from the other side, watching the water churn.

_Even the Titanic isn’t big enough to get me away from them._

She feels her body shaking, despite her calm. All it would take is a second. Just a moment, to let go. She’d be free.

A voice calls out.

“Don’t do it.”

 

* * *

 

The stars are so clear out here. 

Kara has always loved the stars. They remind her of her parents, of curling up on a layer of blankets with hot tea and cocoa, pointing out constellations and moon phases. The stars are constant – no matter where she is in the world, there’s something familiar in the sky at night.

Out here, with no coal pollution and a clear sky, the stars are vibrant.

Kara shivers absently – _how long have I been out here?_ She shifts, meaning to go inside, have a drink or two with her new friends, and relax. As she sits up, she hears the furious clacking of someone in steep heels running full-tilt towards the back of the ship. Tuning in, she also hears quiet but ragged cries, likely stifled by the woman’s hand.

_Uh oh._

So much for an early night.

She can practically hear Alex’s voice in her head. _“This isn’t your problem, Kara. You can’t fix everything. Think about yourself, for once.”_

 _Maybe I can't fix everything_ , Kara decides, _but I can try_.

Pulling herself to her feet, she follows the sounds to the ship's stern. As she makes her way around the deck equipment, she sees a woman pulling herself over the barrier to hang over the open ocean.

_Shit!_

Kara knows there are probably better ways to talk someone off a ledge, but she doesn’t have much time. She says the first thing she can think of.

“Don’t do it.”

The woman startles, and almost loses her grip as she whips her head around to look in her direction. “Stay back! I mean it.” She’s squinting at Kara, and Kara realizes she probably can’t see her past the balcony support she had been making her way around. She moves quickly around it, hands up non-threateningly, and makes eye contact.

Kara’s heart seizes, and then drops completely as she recognizes her face.

“It’s you!” Kara gasps, gazing at her, taking in her features.

It’s tear-stained and confused, but she could never forget the face of her mystery woman. She’s even more striking up close – Kara can see the solid lines of her elegant brow, the soft set of her eyes, the fullness of her lips.

_American accent. Huh. I was expecting British._

“I – what?”

Clearly, the woman wasn’t expecting to be recognized.

“You’re the girl from the balcony. You probably don’t remember me, but I, uh, I saw you earlier today.” Kara takes a few steps forward. “You threw your hat into the water.” Kara has no idea what to do, besides keep her talking. She can’t let her fall. The thought is unbearable.

“From the –“ The woman seems to snap out of some sort of reverie, and slow recognition crosses her face. “The woman with the sketchpad.”

“Oh! You noticed – uh, yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet you.” Kara gives a little wave.

The woman stares at her.

“So.” Kara clears her throat. “I have to ask. Why are you hanging off the back of the ship?”

The woman’s face shifts, almost incredulous now. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” Her tone is authoritative, almost enough so that Kara could forget she was currently a stiff breeze away from falling into the ocean.

“Look, give me your hand.” Kara slowly inches towards the woman. “I’ll pull you back over.”

“No! Get back! I’ll let go!” The authority is gone, replaced by blind panic.

Kara steps closer, slowly. One foot at a time.

“No, you won’t.” 

The woman blanches, fear replaced with annoyance. _Good. Focus on me._

“Excuse me? Don’t presume to tell me what I will or will not do. You don’t know me!” the woman’s voice shakes, taking on a lilt that Kara can’t place.

_Okay, maybe not American? I’ll have to ask her, once she isn’t inches from death._

“If you really wanted to, you would have done it already. You would have let go as soon as you saw me.” Kara offers a small grin.

“I – you’re distracting me. Go away.” The woman huffs, turning back towards the water. Kara tenses. _Not today, lady. You’re getting saved whether you want to or not._

“I can’t do that. I’m involved now. If you jump –“ Kara shucks off her coat, and lays it on the bench beside her, “I’m going to have to jump in there after you.”

The woman turns back around. “Don’t be absurd. You’ll be killed.” Her voice is hesitant now.

“Well, it’ll hurt, definitely. And it’ll be cold. Freezing, probably, if not a couple of degrees over. But the fall won’t kill either of us.”

The woman looks down at the water with more apprehension.

_Keep her talking._

“Have you ever been to Midvale?” Kara blurts out, moving closer to the railing.

“…what?” The woman looks at her like she’s insane.

“Midvale. It’s in the northern part of Wisconsin? It’s almost Canada, really. It gets cold there in the winter.”

Kara starts unlacing her boots. “I grew up there. One year, my sister and I decided to go skating out on the lake, and I, uh, fell through some thin ice. And let me tell you, water that cold…I’ve never felt pain like that in my life. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even move. I probably would have drowned if my sister hadn’t dragged me out.”

As Kara removes her boots and sets them beside her coat, the woman’s grip tightens on the rail.

“Which is why I am _not_ looking forward to jumping in there after you. But, like I said. You jump, I jump. Honestly, I’m sort of hoping you’ll come back over the edge and get me off the hook.”

The woman swallows, looking down at the icy water. She looks back up at Kara with something like wonder in her features.

“Look, take my hand. I’ll help you.”

_Please, please take my hand._

“You don’t want to do this.”

As Kara extends her hand over the rail, she feels the soft hairs that have escaped from the woman’s braided style tickling her face, and smells a hint of perfume.

 _I can’t believe actually I get to meet her, and_ these _are the circumstances._

Slowly, she feels a hand slide into hers.

Kara sags in relief. “Phew. Thank god! I really did not want to take a swim today.” She releases the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, helping the woman turn around.

“I’m Kara, by the way. Kara Danvers.”

“Lena Luthor.”

_Wow._

They're now practically chest to chest, and Kara can see that Lena’s eyes are a clear, piercing green. Up close, her jawline could probably cut glass.

“That’s a really pretty name.”

Lena flashes her a brief look of surprise at the comment, before raising a foot to climb up the railing again.

 _Alright,_ Kara thought. _In the clear._

In an instant, that security disappears. Lena’s shoe slips suddenly from the rail, and she screams as she loses her footing entirely, her only anchor to the ship being Kara’s suddenly iron grip on her wrist.

_Shit, shit, SHIT._

“Lena! Pull yourself up, come on!” Kara tries to keep the panic out of her voice.

Lena nods, her breathing frantic, and uses her free hand to start climbing the rungs. She slips again, screaming as she drops a few inches closer to the water.

“Lena! Look at me, okay? Look at me!” Lena’s eyes meet Kara’s. “I’ve got you, Lena. I won’t let go. Now, climb!”

Lena seems to consider it for a few agonizing seconds, looking between their linked hands and Kara’s determined face. Decision made, she starts to pull herself up and Kara heaves her over the rail, their momentum sending them sprawling onto the deck.

_Thank god._

“We did it. We did it. You’re fine, Lena, look. You’re okay!” Lena seemed unable to form a response, but she offers a shaky smile before Kara realizes that she’s currently lying on top of her, effectively pinning her to the floor.

“Oh! Uh. Right, sorry. Just let me – “

Before she can clamber off, a voice rings out from the balcony.

“What the hell is this?”

* * *

Lena sits, wrapped in a blanket, as the activity around her fades into the background. Someone shines a light in her eyes, and she barely summons the effort to respond.

_I almost died._

_I almost **died**._

_…I **wanted** to die._

Lena had been through a lot in her life, but never before had she felt the urge to hurl herself into the ocean, let alone actually almost done so. And according to Kara, she wouldn’t have died right away – she would have suffered, pulled into the dark undertow to freeze to death or drown.

_Kara._

Kara, the woman who saved her life. The woman who claimed she would have thrown herself into the deadly water after her, despite knowing Lena for all of 2 minutes.

Where was she?

Lena shook herself out of her shocked stupor and looked around. On one side of her, a few gentlemen stood talking with some uniformed officers, and on the other –

_When did Mon-El get here?_

He seems to be arguing with Kara as the master-of-arms watches, and as she looks, he grabs her by the collar of her shirt and shakes her violently.

Why was Kara in handcuffs?

“Mon-El.” Her voice comes out scratchy and quiet, and nobody responds. She swallows, summons her best Luthor tone, and tries again.

“Mon-El!”

He turns to look at her, letting go of Kara as he comes to her side. “Sweet pea! Are you all right? Don’t worry, we’ve caught the criminal. You’re safe now.”

_Criminal?_

“I’m not a criminal!”

“She’s _not_ a criminal!”

Their eyes lock, and she can see the relief in Kara’s face.

“Mon-El, release her. She saved my life.” Mon-El looks at her in shock for a moment, before putting an arm around her shoulders.

“Lena, you’re in shock. Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Lena shook him off, stepping closer to Kara. “No, Mon-El. Uncuff her, she did nothing wrong.”

Mon-El looks doubtful. “Lena, she was on top of you, and her clothes were scattered across the deck. I think it’s pretty clear –“

“She saved me, Mon-El. I came back here to get some air, and I was leaning too far over the railing. I wanted to see the propellers. You know how I love machinery.” Lena glances at Kara who stares at her, mouth slightly agape.

“I almost fell into the water, but Miss Danvers caught me. She pulled me back over.”

Mon-El looks between Kara and Lena a few times, seeming doubtful. “You wanted…to see the propellers?”

“Like I always say, women and machinery do not mix.” One of Mon-El’s associates pipes in, and Lena clenches her teeth, willing herself to stay silent.

“Right. Well. In that case.” Mon-El turns back to Kara. “Let her go.” He orders the officer, turning to Lena and gripping her shoulders again. “Let’s get inside before you freeze.”

“Don’t you think she deserves some kind of reward, for saving your fiancée’s life?” Lena says, aware of Kara’s gaze on the back of her neck as she was uncuffed.

Mon-El hesitates. “…of course, darling. Corben?” His ever-present manservant steps forward.

“Yes, sire?”

“I think a twenty should do it.”

Turning again to walk away, Mon-El only gets a few steps before Lena interjects.

“Is that that going rate for saving the woman you love?” Lena knows it’s a risk to push, but Kara deserves more. Lena had somehow felt safer while dangling off the back of the ship than she had the rest of the voyage, simply because of Kara’s strong grip on her arm.

“Ah…you’re displeased.” Mon-El seems to consider for a moment, before stepping towards Kara with a smug smile. “Perhaps you could join us for dinner, tomorrow evening. You can eat a decent meal, and regale our group with your…heroic tale.”

Kara is silent for a few seconds, glancing behind Mon-El at Lena, who nods encouragingly.

“Sure. Sounds fun.”

Mon-El nods, satisfied, before turning back to Lena. “Come now, Lena.”

As she's led away, Lena glances behind her – Kara is still standing alone, in socked feet, her gaze never leaving Lena’s retreating form.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Hit me up in the comments or on tumblr @jazzfordshire.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s a simple question, Lena. Do you love the guy or not?” 
> 
> “What does love matter? It means nothing.” 
> 
> Kara comes close again, surprise and sadness in every inch of her face. She sets down her leather folder on the nearby bench and takes both of Lena’s hands in hers gently. 
> 
> “Lena…love means everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena seeks Kara out in third class, and discovers her artwork (naked girls, ayyyy). Cat Grant takes our young artist under her wing.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! The response to this story so far has been so great, I'm glad you guys want to read this as much as I want to write it! Your comments are nourishing me.

 

The soft tinkling of Lena’s music box is soothing. The last tangible piece of her real mother. She had clung to it as a child – so ardently, in fact, that Lillian had confiscated it.

_“Your mother is gone, Lena. You’re a Luthor now. If you insist on carrying toys around with you, you won’t have them anymore.”_

Lex heard her crying into her pillow a few days later, and stole it back for her. Her caring, murderous brother. She’s kept it close since then, only taking it out at night to listen to the song and try to remember her mother’s face.

Now, she needs the extra comfort. Lillian had long forgotten how important it was to her, and she feels safe with it in the open.

 As the little ballerina spins, Lena gazes at her reflection. A loud knock sounds on the door behind her.

“Come in.”

Lena has to fight back a sigh as Mon-El strides in, a small box under his arm. He pauses behind her, and she meets his reflected eyes. “I know you’ve been…melancholy, lately. I don’t pretend to know why.” He moves to lean against the vanity, closing the music box carelessly and shifting it out of the way. Lena clenches her fists, fighting back her rising anger.

“I was going to wait until the engagement gala in Philadelphia to give this to you, but…” Mon-El opens the box and sets it in front of her. Inside, on a bed of black velvet, is an enormous blue gem on a shining chain, cut into the shape of a heart.

Lena gapes. “Is that…?”

“A rare blue diamond. 56 carats, to be exact. They call it Le Coeur Du La Mer. The – “

“The heart of the ocean.” Lena interrupts. She’s been studying French since she was a child – she doesn’t need him to explain it to her like a simpleton.

Mon-El has the gall to look surprised.

“Yes. It’s for royalty. And we are royalty, Lena.”

He leans close, eyes raking over her figure in the mirror. Lena shudders. “You know, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give you. There’s nothing I would deny you. As long as you don’t deny me.”

Fighting back bile, Lena looks away. She thinks of golden hair and concerned blue eyes, and strong hands pulling her back from the cliff’s edge.

“I’m tired. I’ll see you in the morning.” Lena picks up her brush and runs it through her hair a few times, refusing to meet his gaze. Mon-El’s eyes harden, but he exits, leaving the door open behind him.

Lena opens the music box, and tries not to cry.

_I need to see her again._

 

* * *

 

When Lena steps out onto the deck the next morning, the sun is shining brightly, and she takes a moment to raise her face towards the rays. It seems like years since she’s felt the sun at all, let alone noticed its warmth. Taking a fortifying breath, she turns and makes her way towards D-deck.

_I just want to thank her. Things went so quickly last night, and I didn’t have a chance. That’s all._

Lena almost turns around twice on the way. Nervousness keeps gripping her, making her worry her lip with her teeth.

_I’m being silly. I’ll just find her, thank her, and leave._

The corridors here are like a maze. It takes Lena a few tries to find her way around the hundreds of narrow doors. When she finally finds the doors labeled ‘common room’, she hesitates again.

_What if she doesn’t want to see me?_

She can hear laughter inside, and she’s about to turn on her heel and forget the whole stupid endeavour when her decision is made for her. Someone inside opens the door and shoulders past her, leaving Lena standing awkwardly in the open doorway.

The room is open and full of small tables, and Lena hardly has to search at all before she hears Kara’s voice, loud and clear.

“Chocolate pecan pie is the best food in the universe, Winn! Trust me, I’m right.”

“It barely counts as a pie, it doesn’t even have fruit in it.”

“How _dare_ you, James.”

Kara sits with her back to the door, gesturing wildly with her hands as she defends her precious dessert. Just seeing her puts Lena more at ease – she feels like a warm, happy balloon is swelling in her chest at the sight of her. That comfort soon dissipates, however, as a hush spreads across the room, ending with the rest of Kara’s group noticing Lena standing in the doorway wearing what she now realizes is a very out-of-place dress.

Seeming to notice her friends’ attention shifting, Kara turns around, looking confused until the well-built bald man she had been arguing with taps her on the shoulder and points towards the door.

“Lena!” Kara looks surprised, but delighted to see her. Lena breathes a sigh of relief at her obvious enthusiasm. _I’m not completely unwelcome. That’s something._ Making her way over, she tries in vain to ignore the blatant stares of the other passengers as she passes.

“What are you doing here? Not that I’m not happy to see you! I just, uh – how did you find me?” Kara stands up as Lena approaches, nervously smoothing her hair. The woman sitting beside her snickers, and Kara elbows her surreptitiously.

“To be honest, I’m not sure. I just followed the signs, and hoped for the best.” Lena smiles stiffly as a beat of silence follows her statement. “Could I…speak with you?”

“Of course!” Kara nods earnestly and stuffs her hands in her pockets, seemingly waiting for Lena to speak.

Lena clears her throat, uncomfortably aware of the room full of eyes on them. “In private?” she says, with a pointed look.

“Oh! Right. Yes.” Kara jolts, as if suddenly noticing the room full of hushed voyeurs. “Just a second.” She grabs a large leather folder with one hand and Lena’s gloved hand with the other, leading her from the common room. “Would you like to take a walk?”

“I – yes, that’s fine.” Lena stutters, surprised at the contact. Even through her gloves, she can feel Kara’s warmth. As she’s led from the room, she hears one of Kara’s friends speak up.

“Damn. Little Danvers has more game than I thought.” The words are followed by the sound of a hard smack.

“That’s my sister, Sawyer!”

“Yeah, and your sister managed to get a hot, first-class lady to come all the way down to the slums just to see her. You have to admit, it’s impressive.”

As much as the words make her feel self-conscious, Lena can’t find it within herself to deny the truth of them.

 

* * *

 

Kara is _fascinating._

Lena hadn’t expected her to be boring, by any stretch, but she had to admit that she hadn’t expected to feel such a genuine connection with her so quickly either.

With every new fact she uncovers, Lena wants to dig deeper. She’s 25, only a year older than Lena. She loves dogs (Lena learns this the first time one walks by, smiling at Kara’s squeals of delight as she leans down to let it lick her face). She’s been to three continents, and her favourite food is a type of small dumpling that she tried at a street fair in Venice. She even speaks a little French, and they spend a few enjoyable minutes conversing in the language until Kara starts reciting French swear words in an exaggerated accent, making Lena burst into a sincere laugh. She’s engaging, open, friendly. So different from everyone in Lena’s world. She asks Lena about her life, and seems to genuinely care about her guarded answers.

_Are people really like this?_

Before Lena realizes it, they’ve been walking and talking for almost two hours. She pauses when she realizes the time, and Kara notices her hesitation.

“Well, we’ve walked almost a mile around this boat deck, and chewed over the weather and where I grew up. But I’m guessing that isn’t what you came to talk to me about.” Kara offers her the opening, crossing her arms loosely as she looks at Lena with undisguised curiosity.

Lena breaks the eye contact, looking at the ground as she speaks. “No. I suppose it isn’t.” She starts walking again, needing something to distract her from the nervous words that spill out, and Kara follows. “I came to see you so that I could thank you. Not only for pulling me back, but…for your discretion.” She looks back a Kara, who inclines her head slightly, encouraging her to continue with a small smile, and Lena soldiers on.

“You could have told Mon-El what really happened when he started threatening you, and you didn’t. I’m very grateful. It would have been…difficult to explain to him.”

“Of course, Lena. I’m just glad I was there in time.”

Lena wrings her hands. What must Kara think of her? A spoiled brat, most likely. Throwing a tantrum over something inconsequential. A petulant child.

“I know what you must be thinking. Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?” Lena stops and leans against the nearby railing, letting out a humourless laugh.

“No…no, that’s not what I was thinking.” Kara leans onto the railing next to her, dipping her head until Lena looks at her again. “What I was thinking was, what could have happened to this girl to make her think she had no way out?”

Lena looks at Kara in surprise. Kara’s expression is so achingly heartfelt, and Lena soaks up the attention like a starved plant. Against her better judgement, she finds herself speaking truthfully.

“It was….god, it was my whole life, and everyone in it. It was Mon-El and mother, making all of my decisions for me, plunging ahead and me, powerless to stop it.” She spreads her fingers to look at her engagement ring. It feels heavier today, somehow, and she wishes that she could take it off and toss it into the water like her hat.

“Holy – look at that thing! It’s huge. You would have sunk straight to the bottom!” Kara laughs, reaching out to hold Lena’s fingers in hers as she studies the diamond. Lena takes the opportunity to stare at Kara uninterrupted. The soft stroking of Kara’s thumb over the back of her hand and the steady warmth of her presence lulls Lena into something close to peace.

That feeling goes away rapidly at Kara’s next question.

“Do you love him?”

Lena blinks several times. “...what?” How was she supposed to answer that?

Nobody had ever asked her before.

Kara asked again. “Do you love him?”

“I – I don’t – you shouldn’t be asking me this.” Lena pushes off of the railing, turning her back to Kara momentarily.

Love wasn’t a concept she had time for. She had loved her mother, and it just made it hurt more when she was ripped away. She had loved Lex, and he went mad. Love was just an invitation for more loss. It was a weakness. Luthors don’t marry for love.

She hates how she can almost hear Lillian in that sentiment.

“It’s a simple question, Lena. Do you love the guy or not?”

_I don’t. I hate him._

She surprises herself with the voracity of that thought.

Lena turns back to Kara, agitated. “What does _love_ matter? It means nothing.”

Kara comes close again, surprise and sadness in every inch of her face. She sets down her leather folder on the nearby bench and takes both of Lena’s hands in hers gently.

“Lena…love means _everything_.”

To her horror, Lena feels tears begin to well up in her eyes at Kara’s painfully open expression and her soft touch. Her first instinct is to flee, to put her walls up, to head back to the relative safety of her rooms, but she finds that she doesn’t want the afternoon to end just yet.

Thankfully, Kara senses her discomfort and lightens the mood. “Gosh, you really aren’t used to talking about your feelings, huh?” She lets go of Lena’s hands, to her mixed relief and disappointment, and picks up her folder again.

Lena bristles at the comment. “I am perfectly capable of – just because you like to ask inappropriate questions, and I don’t - “ But Kara just laughs at her indignant expression.

Huffing, Lena snatches the leather folder from under Kara’s arm and opens it. “What is this thing you’re carrying around, anyways?” Looking down, Lena finds it full of thick sketching paper. The topmost page features a drawing, lovingly rendered, of a father and daughter looking out at the sea. The detail is incredible – she can see the care that Kara took in every line.

Lena moves to sit on one of the deck chairs lining the path, and Kara follows, looking slightly nervous as Lena flips through each of her drawings.

“…you’re….you’re an artist?”

Kara shrugs. “Sort of. An amateur, really, but I love doing it. Art just makes sense, you know? When I draw, it’s like I’m in another world. Everything is so much simpler.”

Lena looks at her sharply.

“Does that sound weird?” Kara rubs the back of her neck nervously. “My family has always supported me, but they don’t really get it.”

“No…no, it doesn’t sound strange. I feel the same way when I look at it.” Lena thinks about her art collection. Would Kara like it? It seemed to pale in comparison to the drawings in her lap. If Kara had some decent canvas and paints, Lena knows that she could do wonders with colour.

“Kara, these are exquisite. You have a gift.”

“Thanks, Lena.” Lena flushes at the way Kara says her name. She wonders how it would sound in a whisper. Murmured in her ear. Moaned, in the throes of passion. Feeling herself spiraling into dangerous territory, Lena refocuses on the drawings.

“They didn’t think so much of them in ol’ Paris.”

“You’ve been to Paris?” Lena is unsurprised, but curious. Paris is one of her favourite cities.

“Where do you think I learned French?” Kara rubs her hands together, trying not to look too closely at Lena’s reaction to her art. “I’ve been a lot of places. My sister and I left the States 4 years ago. We haven’t been back since.”

“Your sister?” Lena thinks back to the comments she heard as she and Kara left the common area. Of the three comparatively petite brunette women Kara was sitting with, Lena had no idea which one could be her sister.

“Adoptive sister. Alex. The Danvers took me in after my parents died.”

_That explains it._

 “Oh…Kara, I’m sorry.” Lena reaches out and touches Kara’s hand. Kara intertwines their fingers for a moment and squeezes before letting go. Lena’s heart makes itself known, fighting her desperately as she tries to shove it back into its cage.

“I’m adopted too, you know.” She doesn’t know why she blurts it out. Her past isn’t something she usually reveals to anyone.

“Really?” Kara looks surprised. “I didn’t know rich families adopted kids. Aren’t they all about bloodlines and stuff?”

Lena laughs a bit at that. “Usually, yes. I’m not sure why they adopted me. My mother died when I was very young. I don’t remember much of it.”

“Well…you know what this means. We’re orphan buddies now. That’s an unbreakable bond.”

Lena really laughs at that, her first full-bodied laugh in what feels like years. She feels like a weight has been temporarily lifted from her shoulders.

Lena continues flipping through the folder, examining the drawings as Kara explains the context of each one. As Lena reaches about the halfway point, looking closely at the image of an older woman in moth-eaten furs and jewelry, Kara seems to stiffen slightly. Her fingers drum nervously on the seat as Lena flips the page.

“…oh.” The next picture is a head-to-toe portrait of a naked woman, leaning against the post of a canopy bed. She’s beautiful – Kara has captured the intricate lines of her face, as well as the curves of her body.

“Mmm. Did you know it’s easier in Paris to find nude models than clothed ones? I was surprised too.” Kara says it with a sort of forced nonchalance, but she studies Lena’s face to gauge her reaction.

“Yes. She’s…very…naked.” Lena is definitely blushing now, looking just a little bit too intently at the drawings. Someone walks by and she clutches the folder to her chest, both terrified and excited by the idea of someone seeing what she’s looking at. She flips to another nude portrait. “They’re all quite beautiful.”

Kara chuckles. “They all seemed to enjoy posing. I was nervous at first, but in the end they’re just women like you or me.” The thought of Kara naked pops into Lena’s mind, and her palms start to sweat.

“And you…drew these from life?”

“Mhmm. I draw everything from life.”

Lena’s blush darkens as she imagines Kara in front of this naked woman - observing, studying, memorizing.

“Most of them were really nice, too. This one here –“ Kara pulls out a specific drawing of a woman spread out on an ottoman sofa, looking directly at the viewer, hands pulled up to her chest, “she was one of my favourites. She used to tell me jokes to make me laugh, to test how steady my hands were.”

“And you two were…close?” Lena’s hands tighten slightly on the edges of the folder. Her heart speeds up. She tries not to hope – none of the drawings are overtly erotic, but surely a woman who strides around in (wonderfully loose, slightly open) men’s shirts and draws naked women for a living had to be…well, she had to be. Right?

“Close…? Oh! Oh. No, not like that. No, we were actually sort of interested in the same guy at the time. We stayed friends, though.” Lena’s heart sinks.

“Not that I wouldn’t have – I mean, there were a few that I. Uh. I only draw women. Some of my models, they offered to pose after, um. After we.” And there’s that heart again, pounding away. Lena is flooded with relief, and a thread of jealousy that she quickly tamps down. Luckily, Kara is nervous enough that she doesn’t notice the tremor in Lena’s hands.

_Is it possible to feel this many emotions in one sitting?_

Lena gains control over her voice again. “So, was that a pastime for you, then? Sleeping with beautiful women and then drawing them to mark your conquest?” Lena teases, her playful tone and quirked eyebrow hiding the giddiness she feels at Kara’s confession.

“Wha- conquest? No! No, I wouldn’t – it wasn’t – “

“Kara! I’m joking. It’s alright.” Lena smiles, laying a hand on Kara’s knee. She strokes slowly with her thumb. “Somehow, I doubt you could be insincere if you tried.”

Now it’s Kara’s turn to blush. Lena removes her hand reluctantly and continues to flip through the drawings. As she nears the end, Kara starts to fidget again.

“Uh. Well, that’s pretty much all of them. Do you want to keep walking? It’s such a nice day, and we still have to get back to third class…”

“Nonsense, Kara. I want to see them all.”

“Well, maybe you could just. Stop now?” The fidgeting increases.

“…is there something you don’t want me to see? Is one of them _dirty?_ ” Lena gasps dramatically, starting to flip faster.

“Lena, wait-!”

Finally, Lena comes to the last drawing. It’s slightly rougher than the others, but it’s clear – Lena is looking at herself, standing on the edge of the first class balcony and looking into the distance. She’s spent enough time looking in the mirror and picking out every flaw to know what her own face looks like.

_That…is not what I was expecting._

“…Kara?” Lena trails off, tracing a gentle finger along the line of her jaw in the illustration.

“Okay, I know I shouldn’t have drawn you without asking, but I draw the things I see and I…I saw you. You were so sad and beautiful and I just. I wanted to remember you, I guess.” Kara’s leg bounces incessantly, and she’s worrying the edge of her cuticle with a fingernail. Lena is gazing at her in wonder.

_She thinks I’m beautiful._

“Kara, it’s…I’m impressed that you managed it at all, considering I was only standing there for a few minutes.”

“You’re not angry?”

“Of course not. I’m flattered, actually. You made me much more beautiful than I really am.” Lena self-consciously smooths her hair, a nervous habit. She wishes that it was loose – her fingers itch to run through it. Combing it out always makes her feel calmer.

“I draw what I see, Lena. And I saw you.” Kara is earnest, touching Lena’s arm.

Unbidden, an image comes to her. She sees Kara sitting in a chair across the room, and herself spread out on a soft couch like one of Kara’s models. Kara’s eyes rake over her body, no barrier between her gaze and Lena’s bare skin. She can practically see the flex of Kara’s forearms as she draws. The crinkle in her forehead as she stares intently. Lena feels her skin tingle in response, her nipples stiffening under her corset, with an answering throb much lower.

Lena closes the folder quickly.

_Oh, my god._

“Let’s keep walking.”

 

* * *

 

Even by Kara’s standards, it’s been quite an afternoon. 

She and Lena lean together on an upper balcony, elbows just touching, looking out at a golden sunset. A perfect moment. Kara breathes deep and looks over at Lena, whose eyes are closed. Her face is bathed in orange light. She takes the oppourtunity to drink her in – the strong line of her jaw, full red lips, pale skin. Kara imagines reaching out, cupping her cheek, how soft it would be, leaning in, so close, close enough to smell her perfume, until –

“Kara?”

Kara jolts, her attention darting back up to Lena’s eyes, which are now open and dancing in amusement. “See something you like?” Lena smirks, the playful lilt of that mysterious accent coming through as she meets Kara’s stare. Kara laughs, fiddling with her glasses. The energy between them seems charged now, after Kara confessed her interest in women. Kara doesn’t want to hope, but Lena seemed to take it in stride far too quickly to be only interested in men. Right?

“So, these great travels of yours. Tell me about them.” Lena leans slightly closer, shivering slightly more dramatically than was strictly necessary to justify closing the space.

“Well, Alex and I grew up in Midvale. When we finished school, neither of us wanted to be tied down with boring office or shop jobs like the girls in our class. We ended up going to Santa Monica.”

“Santa Monica?”

Kara smiles. She likes the way Lena talks to her – she doesn’t treat her like she’s unintelligent, asking ready questions and listening intently to her answers. “It’s in California, by the coast. They have the most beautiful warm weather in summer – hot and sunny, and these huge beaches. Alex worked taking tourists on horseback rides on the beach, and I’d go to the pier and draw portraits for ten cents a pop.”

“Not naked portraits, surely?” Lena nudges Kara with her shoulder, grinning cheekily.

Kara snorts. “No! Gosh, no. Just normal ones. Women in California aren’t quite as…open about nudity as they are in Paris. I mean, some still wanted those portraits, they were just more secretive.”

“My my, Kara Danvers, you’re turning out to be quite the heartbreaker.” Lena smirks, and Kara laughs nervously, touching her glasses again. “Just how many women have you had?”

“Not that many!” Kara reddens as Lena arches an eyebrow. “Honestly! I swear, I’m not – I only do that with people that I really like. It’s not my fault that women take their clothes off around me!” Kara practically shouts as Lena fights to keep a straight face, her volume drawing a few scandalized stares.

“Oh god, I can never come here again. Never.” Kara buries her face in her hands as Lena laughs.

“On the contrary, I think that first class is immeasurably better with you here.”

Kara peeks out from behind her fingers, and Lena gently pries her hands away, holding them in hers for a moment. Lena’s are slightly smaller than Kara’s, and soft, unthinkably soft. In her own calloused and charcoal-stained hands, Lena’s fingers seem like precious china. They both let go, clearing their throats and turning back towards the ocean.

They stand for a moment in companionable silence, watching the people on the decks below. “Why can’t I be like you, Kara?” Lena says quietly. “Just head out for the horizon whenever I feel like it. Demand my freedom.”

Kara turns to her – the sadness that seemed at bay while they walked was back, weighing Lena down like a heavy cape. Kara wants to chase it away. “You could be.”

Lena huffs a small laugh. “Right.” She takes a deep breath before turning back to Kara, the glint in her eyes returning briefly.

“Say we’ll go there someday, you and me. To that pier in Santa Monica.”

Kara smiles, happy to see Lena’s fire coming back. “We will.”

“Really?”

“Of course, Lena! We’ll drink cheap beer, and ride the roller-coaster until we throw up.”

Lena laughs, loud and joyful, the real laugh that Kara has been finding every oppourtunity to bring out this afternoon – her eyes crinkle at the corners, the joy permeating every inch of her wide smile. “And we’ll ride horses in the sand! Like your sister.”

“Of course! Right in the surf. But you’ll have to ride cowboy style, okay? None of that frilly side-saddle stuff.”

Lena blanches slightly. “You mean – one leg on each side?”

“Yup!”

“...will you teach me?”

Kara leans close, beaming. “I’ll teach you anything you want, Lena.” She hears Lena’s sharp intake of breath.

“I’m sure there are a lot of things you could teach me, Kara Danvers.” Lena’s voice is low, breathy, and absolutely sinful.

Kara feels it – a magnetic pull, the same one from the day before, urging her to action. She has to do something, be closer somehow. Kara is already close enough that she can see the flecks of gold in Lena’s green eyes, close enough that she notices as Lena’s gaze flicks down to her mouth as she bites her own lip, worrying it with her teeth. The movement draws Kara’s eyes, and suddenly she’s fighting her every instinct, the voice inside her that’s screaming _kiss her, she’s perfect, kiss her right now –_

“Lena, darling. What on earth are you doing here? You should be dressing for dinner.”

The voice approaching behind them is like a bucket of cold water on them both. They spring apart, retreating to an appropriate distance. Kara sees a small posse of well-dressed ladies approaching them, led by a severe-looking woman who is pinning Lena with a harsh stare. Her eyes are cold, and she barely spares a glance for Kara.

“Mother. I was just – Miss Danvers had a few questions about dinner, and I was - ” Lena’s voice sounds small and shaky.

“Yes, yes. I’m sure you’ve more than educated her.” The insinuation in the woman’s tone was clear, and Kara glances nervously at Lena. She seems to have frozen, her gaze locked somewhere in the middle distance behind her mother.

_Mother? How could someone like that have raised Lena?_

“Kara, this is my mother, Lillian Luthor.” Lena’s voice has none of the warmth and ease of their earlier conversation. She sounds…frightened.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Luthor!” Kara holds out her hand to shake and Lillian looks at it for a few seconds, a derisive look on her face. After an awkward pause, Kara slowly retracts her hand and clasps it behind her back, bouncing nervously on the balls of her feet.

“Well, Miss Luthor, are you going to introduce us to this lovely young woman or are we all going to stand around gaping at each other until the dinner horn sounds?” A loud, confident voice calls out from somewhere beside Lillian, and Lillian’s jaw tightens almost imperceptibly. She steps aside slightly and a petite blonde woman in elegant silks emerges, her hands resting on her hips.

“Catherine Grant, CEO of Catco Media.”

Kara’s eyes widen. “Cat- Cat Grant? I had no idea you were sailing on the Titanic!”

“Mmm, so you know who I am. That’s promising. I had some business to conduct in London, and I thought I’d sail back to New York on the most luxurious ship in the world. Now, will someone introduce me to this very…tall woman?”

Lena cut in quickly, seemingly shaken out of her reverie by Cat Grant’s blatant disregard for her mother’s authority. “Miss Grant, this is Kara Danvers. She was of some assistance to me the other night, and I’ve invited her to have dinner with us this evening.”

“Have you?” Cat pinned Lena with a piercing stare. Lena swallows hard, but raises her chin slightly and meet her gaze head-on. Slowly, Cat smiles. She turns back to Kara.

“It’s a pleasure, Miss Danvers.” Cat pointedly offers her hand, and Kara shakes it gratefully.

“And it’s an honour meeting you, Miss Grant, honestly. My cousin works for CatCo in New York City, and he’s always said –“

“Your cousin? And who would that be?”

“Um. Clark. Clark Kent?”

Surprise flickers over Cat’s face at that. “Clark Kent? Hmm. He’s a talented reporter, steadily making his way up the ranks.” She regards Kara for a moment, looking over her form thoughtfully as Kara struggles not to fidget. “Looks like those wonderful _shoulders_ run in the family.”

Behind her, Kara hears a strangled sort of noise come from Lena’s direction.

To Kara’s relief, the dinner horn rings out loudly behind them before she can struggle to formulate a response to that.

“Lena.” Lillian says sharply, holding her hand out. “Come. We need to dress.” Lena straightens and goes to Lillian’s side, gaze averted. As they walked away, she turns back to Kara and gives her a small, tight smile. “I’ll see you at dinner, Kara.”

The rest of the women surrounding Lillian follow in a train, with the exception of Cat Grant, who circles around Kara with an appraising look.

Kara, for her part, is completely unaware of Cat’s silent assessment. She’s busy watching Lena walk away with a dreamy expression, replaying the afternoon’s events in her head like a stop-motion film. _I think she wanted me to kiss her, before they got here. She liked my drawings. She’s so – I mean, her face is - gosh. And her hips, they’re –_

Her inner monologue is cut short abruptly as Cat enters her field of vision, eyes narrowed. “Kiera, do you have even the slightest comprehension of what you’re doing?”

“Honestly…no. Not at all.” Kara grins, the euphoria of the day not quite worn off yet.

“Well, you’re about to enter the snake pit. And Lillian Luthor is a viper.” Cat pauses, looking Kara up and down again. “What exactly are you planning to wear?”

Kara looks down at her outfit – scuffed brown boots, plain trousers, and white button-down – and shrugs. “This is really all I have.”

Cat scoffs. “I thought as much. Follow me.” Kara takes one last glance in the direction Lena walked off in, sighs, and follows. As they walk past groups of narrow-waisted women making their way to dinner, Kara notices their common fashion choice, and her eyes widen.

Suddenly aware of the possible situation on her hands, Kara calls after Cat.

“Cat, wait! …am I going to have to wear a corset?!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena is THIRSTY. And Kara is a very worried soft butch.  
> I think I'm going to put her in a dress for the dinner scene, but only because I want Lena to have a gay panic over her Big Strong Shoulders and it’s easier to show them off in a dress. No corset, though. Gotta love that natural waistline. Don’t worry though, it’s right back to dapper Kara after the dinner, I promise.  
> Hope you guys enjoyed! The next chapter will be up in a few days.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The way I see it, life is a gift, and I don’t intend on wasting it. I try to make each day count.”
> 
> Lena feels a distinct, thrilling feeling in her chest as Kara speaks. It feels like falling. For a moment, just a moment, Lena lets herself think about what it would be like to live that way.
> 
> To live that way with Kara.
> 
> Lena raises her glass in the air, meeting Kara’s eyes. “To making it count.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara has a rockin’ bod. Alex gives a shovel talk. Lena gets Irish when she drinks.
> 
> This is my longest update yet, so enjoy! This is one of my favourite parts of the movie, so I had fun embellishing it.
> 
> I'm so flattered by the response to this story - your lovely comments make me write faster, so keep it up ;)

“No, not that one. Too conservative. You have the body of a Greek goddess, you should show it. Try this. You won’t need a corset – your waistline is infuriatingly perfect as it is.”

Kara turns, seeing the dress in Cat’s hands, and almost chokes. “The body of – Miss Grant, I’ve never worn anything like that! I haven’t even worn a  _dress_ since I was thirteen!”

Cat hums. “And what, pray tell, caused you to abandon dresses and embrace your androgynous aesthetic?”

“It's not that I didn't like dresses. But they're difficult to move in, and I'm always moving. Men's clothes are just easier, and more comfortable. I stopped wearing dresses after my parents’ funeral.”

Cat pauses, turning to Kara with a pensive expression. After a moment, she speaks, more softly than before.

“I’m very sorry, Kara. About your parents.”

“Oh, um. Thank you. It was a while ago. And my adoptive family is wonderful. They never cared about what I wore.” Kara fidgets with the dress, a bit nervous about trying it on.

“Hmm. If you’d prefer, I do have a few suits. My son Carter is a bit smaller than you, but they should fit. Although, a suit would hide those wonderful back muscles of yours, and it would be a shame to miss the look on Miss Luthor’s face when she sees them. Oh, don’t sputter, Kiera, it’s unbecoming. Look at you, you blush all the way down to your chest!”

Kara chooses the dress.

It's a deep blue, trimmed in gold.  _To bring out your eyes,_ Cat said. It clings to her all the way to her thighs and brushes the floor, with open shoulders and a fairly racy neckline that Kara covers with a silky red shawl. Kara doesn’t feel quite comfortable in the heeled shoes, but Cat assures her that she can return to her rooms immediately after dinner and get back into her own clothes.

Cat insists that she wash her hair, and  _wear it down, for goodness sake. With hair like this, you’ll be a shining gem in a room of coal._  She applies some smoky kohl to Kara’s eyes, as well as a bright red lipstick.

“You shine up like a new penny, dear. Now, let’s go rub it in Lillian’s smug face.”

As much as she feels like an entirely different person after Cat’s makeover, she was looking forward to seeing Lena’s reaction. She hadn’t had much cause to look in a mirror in her life, and while she was aware that some people found her attractive, she didn’t exactly have a solid concept of what she looked like to others. When Cat pushed her in front of a full-length mirror before leading her out into the hallway, Kara noticed a few of the things that Cat pointed out.

She  _did_ have pretty nice arms, didn’t she? Her waist was a good shape without a corset, and the silky dress accentuated the angles of her body. She generally kept her hair in a ponytail or bun for the sake of convenience, but she had to admit that it looked nice framing her face.

She certainly couldn’t hold a candle to Lena’s beauty, but she felt good walking into that ballroom. Confident. She wobbles slightly in her shoes, but as she and Cat make their way down the stairs and a few men in bespoke suits give her a polite bow, she manages to curtsey and nod her head well enough that even Cat looks satisfied.

“Wait here. I’m sure Lena will be down in a moment.” With a pat to her arm, Cat is gone, and Kara feels her confidence start to seep away. She starts fidgeting, wishing for something to do with her hands. Cat had insisted that she not wear her glasses, and while she could see well enough without them, she misses having something to fiddle with.

Looking to her left, she notices Mon-El and Lillian approaching, and she prepares herself to greet them, but their eyes pass over her. Mon-El inclines his head in her direction as he would any unfamiliar lady. Lillian doesn't seem to notice her at all.

_Do I really look that different?_

As her gaze wanders across the crowd of people rubbing elbows and effectively ignoring her, her eyes find the stairs, and the world stops.

_Lena._

She’s coming down the staircase alone, her eyes searching the crowd –  _for Mon-El?...For me?_

And her dress. Her  _dress._ A lacy swirl of black and deep red, it clings to her body like it had been made for her.

Which, Kara now realized, it probably had been.

The dark fabric accentuates her creamy skin, and her hair is swept up into an elegant updo that reveals her graceful,  _kissable, oh so kissable,_ neck and collarbone. Her lips are painted in a dark shade to match her outfit, and Kara finds herself wondering how it would look stained on her inner thighs, Lena’s eyes looking up teasingly…

_Nope! Nope. Not going there._

As Lena descends, Kara finds herself walking towards the stairs to stand at the base and gaze up at her in awe. Lena’s eyes sweep across her once, before she starts and does a sincere double take, her face a mask of shock as she takes in Kara’s appearance.

“…Kara?”

Kara grins, offering an awkward little wave. “Hey, Lena. How do I look?” She holds her arms out, doing a little spin as Lena comes down the last few stairs to stand two steps above her.

“I – you look – Kara, you – where on  _earth_  did you get that dress?” Lena’s voice is shaky, her eyes wide as she runs them over Kara’s body. Kara feels herself come alive under Lena’s gaze.

“Miss Grant took pity on me. I almost wore a suit, but I figured I’d stick out less this way.”

“Miss Grant. Of course she did.” Lena can’t seem to take her eyes away from Kara’s figure, and Kara silently thanks Cat for her foresight. “You – you look  _amazing,_ Kara. I mean, I’m sure you’d also look wonderful in a suit, but this – this is – “

Kara smirks, moving close enough to feel the heat radiating from Lena. “The eloquent Lena Luthor, speechless? Alert the press.” She takes Lena’s hand in hers, slowly raising it to her lips. She realizes belatedly that Lena isn’t wearing gloves.

As Kara kisses her bare fingers, Lena lets out a shaky breath. Looking up, Kara sees that Lena’s usually clear, bright eyes are fixed on her intensely, and they seem darker than usual – her pupils have almost taken over the iris.  _Interesting._ She’s no scientist, but Kara knows what desire looks like.

“I saw that in a Nickelodeon once, and I always wanted to do it.” Kara stage-whispers, still holding Lena’s hand to her lips. Lena laughs, and the tension of the moment is broken.

“May I offer you an escort into the ballroom, Miss Luthor?” Kara grins cheekily, sticking out an arm and straightening her posture in an exaggerated pantomime of the upper-crust men currently milling about the room.

“Why, of course, Miss Danvers. Who am I to resist such a charming lady?”

As they walk together through the crowd, Kara spots Lillian and Mon-El to their left.

“Should we go over and say hello?”

Lena sighs. “I suppose we must. Stay with me.”

Lena guides them gently through the crowd, tapping Mon-El on the shoulder. “Darling?” Lena’s voice has lost the playfulness that accompanied her conversation with Kara.

“There you are, Lena. I was wondering what could be taking so long.” Mon-El grasps Lena’s arm, making to pull her into the dining room.

Gently pulling it back, Lena holds Kara’s arm in hers more firmly. “Darling, you remember Kara Danvers.”

Mon-El’s eyes roam over her too slowly for comfort, and Kara suddenly wishes that she had gone with the suit.

“Goodness. I didn’t recognize you, Miss Danvers! Extraordinary – you could almost pass as a real lady.” With a grin, he turned back to Lillian. “Shall we go inside?” As he speaks, Lena’s attention is pulled away by the re-appearance of Cat Grant.

As she arrives at Kara’s side, Kara has an idea. Turning slightly towards Cat so that she knows her shoulders will be in Lena’s view, Kara lets her shawl slide slowly down her back. It comes to rest on her hips, exposing her bare skin briefly. Hearing a squeak from behind her, Kara stifles the ecstatic smile that wants to break out.

Kara turns around. “Lena, are you all right?” Lena looks distinctly flustered, and has to clear her throat before replying with a strangled “Fine. I’m fine.” Kara almost can’t believe it. There’s no other explanation.

_She wants me._

Patting Kara’s cheek fondly, Cat cuts through the tension like a knife. “Look at you, Keira, I leave you for five minutes and you’re already making friends and wooing women. Care to escort another lady to dinner?”

“My pleasure, Miss Grant! Lena?” Offering an arm to each woman, Kara puts on her best game face as they enter the cavernous dining room, Mon-El following sullenly behind.  _Wow,_ Kara muses.  _Every single place I’ve ever lived could fit in here, and then some._ As they make their way to the table, Lena enacts some small justice as she leans in close to murmur advice and point out important people in the room. Every time her breath grazes Kara’s neck, she shivers in response, resulting in several amused looks from Cat.

Looking down at the arsenal of silverware laid out for each place setting at the table, Kara has a brief moment of panic.  _“What the hell am I supposed to do with all of these?”_ She whispers frantically at Cat, who replies without missing a beat.

“Calm down, Keira. Start from the outside, and work your way in.”

 

* * *

 

Kara is doing wonderfully.

She’s charming, sweet, and seems to be effortlessly answering the onslaught of politely barbed questions about her presence in first class. She had been worried that the casual insults would wear on Kara, make her nervous, but she seems to thrive under the scrutiny. Not only is she holding her own in conversation, she looks…Lena hardly has words for how she looks.

Kara is a vision in blue silk. And the dress itself is  _racy._ Even with the shawl, it shows an amount of skin that while not exactly inappropriate, is definitely brave. To be quite honest, Lena had almost lost her footing and pitched headfirst down the stairs when she caught sight of Kara in that dress. It seemed to cling to her naturally, and based on the hint of abdominal muscles Lena could see as Kara sat down, she isn’t wearing a corset underneath. And, speaking of muscles…

She was  _sure_ that Kara had lowered her shawl to show off her shoulders on purpose. Lena had needed to cling to a not-insignificant amount of self-control to resist the urge to reach out and touch them, to feel the smooth muscle under her hands. And Kara’s  _hair._ Honestly, Lena is surprised that she still has control over her own basic motor functions. Mon-El seemed to have made sure that Lena and Kara weren’t seated together, but having Kara directly in her line of sight across the table only made it more difficult for her to tear her eyes away from her subtly flexing biceps.

“So, tell us about the accommodations in steerage, Miss Danvers. I hear they’re quite good on this ship.”

Mother. She could always be counted on to bring anyone in Lena’s circles down a peg.

After a slight pause, Kara straightens her shoulders and replies, “The best I’ve seen, Mrs. Luthor. Hardly any rats.” Her bright eyes never leave Lillian’s cold ones, and as the table chuckles good-naturedly at the joke, Lillian’s expression turns dark.

Before Lillian can go for the throat, Lena interjects.

“It turns out that Miss Danvers is quite a fine artist. She was kind enough to show me some of her work, today.”

Kara’s eyes meet hers, and she seems to glow under the praise.

“Yes, well, Lena’s definition of fine art and mine are quite different. Aren’t they, sweetpea? Not to say that your work isn’t up to snuff, Miss Danvers.” Mon-El’s comment, meant to wound, seems to slide off Kara like water. She shrugs good-naturedly, her eyes still on Lena.

As waiters make their way around the table with appetizers, Lena notices that Kara has a look of mild horror on her face as slimy black caviar is ladled onto the plate next to hers, and she stifles a laugh.

“And how would you like your caviar, Miss?”

Kara winces slightly. “Uh. No caviar for me, thanks. I…never did like it much.” She winks at Lena, who can’t contain a fond smile.

Maxwell Lord speaks up, making Lena want to roll her eyes. “If you want to see fine art, Miss Danvers, the only place is the Louvre. That’s in Paris.” He chuckles. “You’d need to speak French to really understand the signage, but –“

Kara interjects politely. “Oh, yes, the Louvre was one of my favourite places in Paris! It’s difficult to get in, but it was worth it.”

Maxwell looks flabbergasted. “ _You’ve_ been to the Louvre?”

“I’m partial to impressionist paintings, personally, but I swear I could spend hours staring at the Venus De Milo statue.” Kara continues as if he hasn’t insulted her. “She’s beautiful.”

Beside Lena, Mr. J’Onzz looks surprised as well, but equally impressed. “You are a very surprising woman, Miss Danvers.”

Before anyone else can praise Kara, Lillian re-enters the conversation. “And how is it that you have means to travel?” she asks, taking a dainty bite of her caviar.

Kara doesn’t miss a beat. “I make my way from place to place. Working trains and tramp steamers, mostly.” Kara takes a sip of champagne, and is obviously charmed by the bubbles. “But I won my ticket on the Titanic in a very lucky hand of poker.”

J’onn laughs. “So much of life is a game of luck.”

Mon-El cuts in, shaking his head. “No, a real man makes his own luck. Although, you’ve certainly showed us tonight that you’re no man, haven’t you Miss Danvers?” He punctuates the comment with slow glance over Kara’s outfit.

Lena winces. He’s trying to throw Kara off guard, searching for a weakness to exploit to bring her down. He’s about as subtle as a bull.

Kara, however, takes it in stride. “I don’t see any fun in making my own luck. I love waking up every morning not knowing what’s going to happen, or who I’m going to meet.” Her eyes flicker to Lena’s, and Lena smiles in relief at Kara’s confident speech.

“Why, just last week I was sleeping under a bridge, and now I’m on the finest ship in the world, wearing a beautiful dress and drinking champagne with you good people!”

Mon-El scowls, and Lillian interjects. “And you find that sort of rootless existence appealing, do you?” Lena’s eyes widen at the open hostility in her tone.

Kara simply smiles gently. “Well, yes Mrs. Luthor, I do. The way I see it, life is a gift, and I don’t intend on wasting it.” She takes another sip of champagne. “I try to make each day count.”

Lena feels a distinct, thrilling feeling in her chest as Kara speaks. It feels like falling. Kara is all easy smiles, and adventure, and open affection. For a moment, just a moment, Lena lets herself think about what it would be like to live that way.

_To live that way with Kara._

Lena raises her glass in the air, meeting Kara’s eyes. “To making it count.”

“Hear, hear.” J’onn pitches in, and he raises his glass as well, followed by Cat. The rest of the table follows suit, raising their glasses high, and eleven voices ring out.

“To make it count.”

Kara, surprised and flattered, raises her glass with them and takes a long drink. Lena does the same, her eyes never leaving Kara’s. Beside her, Mon-El hesitates, and takes a tiny sip. Lillian refuses to lift her glass at all.

As more food is brought, the conversation breaks off, giving Kara a welcome break from the spotlight. Lena is too far away to engage Kara directly, but they exchange glances and smiles so often that she sees Cat poke Kara in the arm and mutter something when Kara trails off yet another sentence.

Finally, the men at the table stand up and excuse themselves to the smoking room. Lena hardly notices as Mon-El leaves. With the party breaking up, Kara stands and makes her way over to Lena, who feels her heart sink.

“I should be getting back.”

“Must you leave?” Now that Lena has had a taste of spending the day with Kara, she’s desperate for it not to end.

“Time for me to go row with the other slaves.” Kara smiles, and Lena laughs sadly. Kara takes her hand again and raises it to her lips, letting them linger on Lena’s fingers for longer than before. Lena feels something being slipped into her palm –  _paper?_

As Kara lets go, she quickly holds a finger to her lips, still smiling, and before Lena can respond Kara is gone.

Lena glances around nervously, and unfolds the piece of paper underneath the table. In a tidy scrawl, she reads 8 words.

_“Make it count. Meet me at the clock.”_

 

* * *

 

It takes her some time to extract herself from her mother, but just before 10:30 she manages to make her way back towards the grand staircase. 

As Lena approaches the wall clock, she isn’t sure which Kara to expect – will she still be wearing that dress? (If she is, Lena isn’t sure she’s going to survive much more close proximity without wanting to run her tongue along Kara’s defined shoulderblades). Or will she be in her normal clothes, loose and comfortable and uniquely Kara?

What she truly doesn’t expect is for Kara to turn around in  _that._

She’s wearing a crisp, fitted white dress shirt, the top three buttons undone to show the slight swell of her breast. Her sleeves are rolled up as usual, and somehow the new shirt makes Kara’s forearms look even more defined. As she crosses her arms and smiles knowingly, her biceps shift under the fitted fabric and Lena feels somewhat faint. The shirt is paired with soft black pants and a snug vest, and what look to be new black leather boots. Her hair is still down in the soft waves from earlier, and she hasn’t removed her makeup either. The effect is devastating.

_Oh, god. I’m **swooning**. This is what swooning feels like._

For a few moments, Lena is genuinely speechless. When she finally manages to get the words out, her voice is huskier than she intended.

“Another outfit change? You’re full of surprises, Kara Danvers.”

Kara looks down, seeming a bit sheepish. “I went back to Cat’s rooms to change, and I think she had my old clothes taken back to my bunk. She left these out with a note. I can’t even imagine what they cost, but I think she wants me to keep them?”

“Yes, I hope so…” Lena breathes, eyes focused on the gap at Kara’s collar.

Kara’s eyebrows raise at Lena's comment. “Oh?” She says, smirking. ”See something you like?” The use of her own words from earlier against her doesn’t go unnoticed by Lena, who tears her eyes away and takes a breath.

_Catherine Grant, I don't know if I should kill you or kiss you for this._

Uncrossing her arms, Kara claps her hands and rubs them together excitedly.

“So, you wanna go to a real party?”

 

* * *

 

Kara leads her deeper into the ship, through increasingly narrow hallways, until Lena recognizes that they seem to be heading towards the third-class common room again.

As they pause in front of the door, Lena can hear loud music and raucous voices inside. She shuffles nervously and looks down at her expensive dress, remembering the stares from earlier that day.

_Oh god, what if they hate me?_

Sensing her apprehension, Kara reaches back and cups Lena’s jaw gently. “Relax. They’ll love you.” Kara leans in quickly and pecks her cheek, before pulling a very flustered Lena through the doorway.

As they enter, Lena is hit with a blast of beer-and-smoke scented air and a wall of sound. Rather than the muted string music and demure conversations of the dining room upstairs, this room is crowded with rowdy people. A small group in the corner plays upbeat Irish folk music, and in the centre of the room people are dancing on and around a small raised platform. The music is familiar. Lena feels it bring her back to her distant childhood. It’s soothing, despite its loudness.

Tables are still scattered around the edges of the room, and now people crowd around them drinking beer, playing cards, and laughing together. It’s overwhelming and chaotic, and Lena loves it immediately.

Kara pulls her through the crowd, weaving through tables towards the back corner of the room where Lena recognizes Kara’s friends. The smallest brunette in the group is currently engaged in what appears to be a spirited arm-wrestling match with a man easily twice her size.

“Oh, no. What’s Maggie doing now?” Kara groans good-naturedly. “She’s going to break her arm!”

Surprisingly, Maggie seems to be holding her own, straining but clearly not willing to give up. A taller short-haired brunette stands nearby, fiddling with the ends of her hair as she watches raptly. As Maggie’s biceps flex, she bites her lip. Lena stifles a laugh.

_Clearly, birds of a feather flock together here._

As they approach, Maggie turns to look at her admirer and seems to have a surge of strength. The man’s stamina starts to wane, his arm slowly and shakily lowering until it slams onto the table, spilling a bowl of peanuts and almost taking out a few pints of beer. The group bursts into cheers as the woman jumps up.

“In your face, Queen! I told you my girl would beat your ass.” A wiry man yells, high-fiving Maggie as she grabs her beer and takes a hearty drink.

“Wow, Oliver.” The taller dark-skinned man on the right chuckles as Queen stands up, smiling. “I knew she’d beat you, but I didn’t think you’d give up so easily.”

Oliver, for his part, seems to take his defeat rather well. “I know when I’m beat.” He sighs, turning to Maggie. “I’m impressed, Sawyer. You won, fair and square.” He tosses her a folded bill before heading back to his own group.

Kara practically bounds over to the table with Lena in tow. As they approach, the group waves in welcome at Kara.

“Wow, Maggie, remind me not to get on your bad side!” Kara yells over the music.

“If anyone could give me a run for my money, it’s you.” Maggie smiles and takes a seat in a vacant chair.

Kara doesn’t let go of her hand as she makes introductions. “Everyone, this is Lena. Lena, these are my friends – James and Winn are over there,” The two boys wave, offering friendly smiles. “The tiny powerhouse who just destroyed Oliver’s manhood is Maggie, and this is my sister, Alex.”

_Ah. That explains the glare._

While everyone else had been quite welcoming, Alex seemed content to observe Lena with slightly narrowed eyes. She isn’t rude, exactly, but Lena didn’t come away from her introduction feeling particularly warm, either.

Kara pulls out a chair for Lena, quickly stealing and finishing Winn’s beer.

“Hey!”

“Oh, calm down, Winn. Lucy is coming back with more, see?” Kara points, and sure enough Lena sees a curly-haired woman making her way over with a tray full of dark stout.

“Lucy! This is Lena.” Kara shouts, and Lena waves demurely.

“So, you’re Kara’s mystery woman.” Lucy says with a wink. “No wonder she’s so taken with you.”

Beside her, Kara chokes on her drink. Feeling rather warm, Lena rubs her back as she sputters. “I – I haven’t – Lucy - !”

Lucy continues, ignoring her objections and handing out drinks. “Here, Lena, you can have Oliver’s drink, since he so rudely left without saying goodbye.” Lena accepts the glass and takes a long gulp, feeling the alcohol warm her and loosen her nerves. Not quite as effective as scotch, but it would do.

Soon enough, Lena is laughing along with the group. Winn, it seems, is a talented engineer, on his way to New York to attend university. Lena finds herself drawn into a conversation about the workings of the ship, and is relieved that Winn seems to have nothing but respect for her opinions.

James and Lucy are friendly as well, asking her easy questions about her obvious interest in science and pulling her into some quiet speculation about the status of Maggie and Alex’s clear attraction.

Lena even, after a few drinks, challenges Maggie to an arm wrestle. She loses miserably, but Maggie pats her on the back with a grin and she feels, for the first time in her life, like she fits. She’s intoxicated by their easy camaraderie and by the feeling of safety, Kara’s arm wrapped securely around her shoulder.

When James returns to the table with another round, Lena gulps half of it down in only a few mouthfuls, chasing the low buzz she’s been maintaining all night. As she looks up from the glass she notices all eyes on her, looking shocked and impressed.

“What? You think a first class girl can’t drink?” Lena takes another sip as Kara’s friends laugh. Even Alex cracks a smile.

She largely avoids Alex, who, when she isn’t staring at Maggie, shoots Lena occasional disapproving looks. But Lena is warm and happy, and she manages to ignore it until it’s Kara’s turn to fetch drinks. Lena’s stomach drops as Alex takes the empty seat.

“So…you’re Kara’s sister?” Lena starts nervously, but Alex interrupts.

“Look. I like you, Lena. I do. I can tell that Kara is crazy about you. And before you deny it,” She raises a hand as Lena’s mouth opens to protest, “She’s my sister. I can tell when she really likes someone.”

Before the warmth of that statement has time to sink in, Alex is continuing. “But Kara is…genuine. Okay? She’s smart, but she can be naive. She sees the best in people. And when you leave and go back to your cushy life, it’s going to kill her.”

Lena sees Kara coming back through the crowd with an armful of glasses, and Alex leans closer.

“Just think about it, okay? Consider what it’ll do to her when you leave her. Maybe it’s kinder not to let her get in too deep. I don’t want to see her get hurt.” 

Kara spots them, and a look of alarm crosses her face at Alex’s proximity to Lena. “Alex! You’re in my seat. What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.” Lena manages, still thinking over Alex’s words.

“I’m sure Alex was just giving Lena the good old-fashioned shovel talk, Kara.” James says jokingly, balling up a napkin and tossing it at Alex’s head.

“Yeah, don’t pay attention to her, Lena. Alex just needs to get laid.” Lucy pulls Alex up out of Kara’s seat and pushes her towards Maggie, letting Kara reclaim her spot and wrap a reassuring arm around Lena again.

“Lucy!” Alex hisses, defensive.

“It’s true.” Maggie says, smiling into her pint as Alex gapes at her, red-faced. The serious moment is forgotten as the group moves on to teasing the pair.

Not long after, a young girl approaches Kara, looking bashful but determined. Walking past Lena, she plucks nervously at Kara’s sleeve and Kara turns, instantly breaking into a smile so sweet that it makes Lena’s heart swell.

“Hi there! What’s your name?”

“Cora, Miss.”

Kara gasps dramatically. “Oh my goodness, my name is Kara! We almost have the same name!” The girl blushes, giggling and looking at the floor.

“May I have this dance?” The girl asks with a clumsy curtsey. Kara melts.

“Of course you can! I’d love to dance with you.” Kara takes the girl’s hand, gives Lena’s shoulder a squeeze with a ‘be right back!’, and makes her way to the dance floor. Lena finishes her drink as she watches Kara lead Cora to the music, laughing as she picks her up and swings her around at the crescendo of the song. Another button has come loose on her shirt, and Lena tries in vain not to stare as Kara looks back at her with a wink.

Lena is halfway through another drink –  _how many have I had? Seven? Eight? –_ and is feeling wonderfully relaxed when Kara leans down to say something to her tiny dance partner. The girl looks disappointed, but she scampers off. “You’re still my best girl, Cora!” Kara calls after her.

Suddenly, Kara is standing in front of Lena, holding out a hand. Lena’s eyes widen as she realizes the implication.

_Oh, god._

“What? Kara, no. I’m a terrible dancer.”

“Come on, Lena!” Kara grabs her hand anyways, pulling her to her feet and heading back to the dance floor.

As they reach a clear spot, the song changes, and Kara puts a hand on Lena’s waist.

Lena swallows. “I can’t do this.”

Kara smiles encouragingly, raising their joined hands together in the air. “We’re going to have to get a bit closer. Like this.” She pulls Lena towards her until their chests are flush with each other, Kara looking down at her slightly despite Lena’s heeled shoes. She can feel Kara’s warm breath, the rise and fall of her chest as her breasts push into Lena’s. It feels indecent. It feels  _perfect._  The room feels much hotter all of a sudden.

As the song picks up, Kara starts to lead her in a messy, energetic dance. Despite her reservations, Lena lets her.

“I – I don’t know the steps!”

“Neither do I. Just go with it! Don’t think!” Kara spins them in circles around the room, her hair whirling around them like a fragrant cape. Lena’s heart is racing, the crowd is blurring, and Kara is warm and solid against her chest. Lena lets out an exhilarated laugh – how could she have thought this was a bad idea? This is  _wonderful._

Kara, noticing that the small raised platform in the centre of the room has cleared, immediately pulls Lena onto it.

“What are you doing?” Lena gasps, trying to regain her footing. The song changes again, and Kara removes her vest and throws it at James. “Hold this!” Putting her hands in her pockets, Kara starts up a fairly impressive jig, grinning cheekily at Lena as she spins and kicks.

Lena moves forward as Kara finishes her dance.  _Joke’s on you, Kara. I’m Irish._

Moving to the centre of the stage, Lena removes her shoes and throws them to Lucy. She pulls the hem of her dress up to her knees, looks Kara in the eyes, and copies Kara’s moves perfectly. As she spins around, she sees Kara’s mouth drop open, and she grins.

Kara strikes up a new set of moves, her eyes daring Lena to follow, and she does. The moves come back to Lena strangely easily, vestiges of a life she thought she had forgotten. They remind her of her mother, of a short childhood surrounded by love. Around and around they dance, kicking their feet, and when Kara offers her arm to twirl, Lena follows easily. They turn a few times, until Kara stops and turns to face Lena again.

“Giving up already?” Lena is breathless, but feeling triumphant.

Kara just grins and grabs both of Lena’s hands, leaning back and starting to spin them in a huge, dizzying circle.

“Oh god – Kara –  _no_  -“ Lena protests weakly, but she can’t deny Kara’s joyful laugh as they pick up speed. She can’t help but laugh herself, needing a way to let this joy explode from her lungs.

_I haven’t done this since I was a child._

Lena is fairly sure she hasn’t laughed this much since she was a child, either. She isn’t sure if the rush of adrenaline is from the spinning or from Kara’s proximity, but she feels amazing. The world disappears into blurred lines, and all Lena can see clearly is Kara's face.

When they finally slow down and let go, there’s an enthusiastic round of applause from the crowd. Lena, still dizzy, stumbles into Lucy who catches her easily. “Sorry!” she gasps, still laughing. “No problem, Luthor.” Lucy replies, grinning and pushing her back up. “Looks like Kara has you falling for her already.”

_Does she ever._

“Lena! I had no idea you could jig!” Kara looks impressed, jumping down from the platform flush with exertion. Lena abandons Lucy's embrace for Kara's, and Kara opens her arms easily to let her in.

“I have a few talents you don’t know about, Miss Danvers.” Lena leans against Kara, nuzzling into her shoulder. Kara gazes down at her thoughtfully, and Lena reaches a finger out to stroke the resulting mark on her forehead.

“Crinkle.”

Kara giggles. “You, Miss Luthor, are drunk.”

“ _You’re_  drunk. I’m Irish. We don’t  _get_  drunk.”

Kara’s face shifts in surprise. “You’re Irish?”

“Mhmm. I was born there.”

“ _That_ explains your weird accent!!”

Lena’s face scrunches up in confusion. “My what?”

Kara grabs two more drinks, handing one to Lena. “Your accent! Ever since we met, I’ve been trying to figure out what it is. You sound American, but sometimes there’s something else. It’s Irish!” She beams at her discovery, then looks thoughtful again. “That explains  _so_ much…”

Lena laughs, taking a sip of beer. “And what does it explain, exactly?”

“Well, you’re on your 11th pint of beer and still standing, for one. You outdrank James, look.” Kara gestures at a bench a few feet away, where James is sprawled out with Kara’s vest under his head, snoring loudly. Lena giggles.

“And you can jig, and you’re…you know. Feisty.”

“I am  _not –_ “ As Lena starts to protest, someone bumps into her, spilling a good portion of his pint on her dress. Honestly, Lena doesn’t mind – it’s a crowded room, and she has no shortage of dresses – but Kara moves in front of her defensively, pushing the man back.

“Hey, watch it, guys!” Kara’s move wasn’t aggressive, but the man and his two friends advance, puffing out their chests. The leader scoffs.

“What are you gonna do about it, princess?” Kara opens her mouth to retort, but before the situation can escalate, Lena interrupts.

“So.” She reaches up, plucking the leader’s cigarette from his mouth and taking a long drag. She blows the smoke back in his face, smiling as his eyes water. “You think you’re big tough men? Let’s see you do this.”

She backs up slightly and holds her dress up to her knees again, passing the handful of fabric to Kara. “Hold that up, Kara. Hold it up.” Straightening her arms, Lena assumes the pointe position, rising slowly and painfully until her entire body weight rests on the tips of two toes. As all eyes in the room go to her feet, Lena feels the strain of long-unused muscles protesting being used, but she refuses to give in. As a round of applause starts up, she hears Lucy say “Jesus, Luthor, what can’t you do?”

_I can’t keep myself away from Kara._

The thought surprises her. Lena starts to wobble, and with an undignified squawk she tips over into Kara’s waiting arms. The three men are instantly forgotten. Kara is holding her in a sort of dip, leaning over her with her strong arms supporting Lena’s back. Kara’s face is so close to hers that she could probably count her eyelashes. Lena wants to kiss her. God, does she want to kiss her. It would be so easy. Lena’s hands slide up Kara’s arms to her shoulders, resting just over her collarbone. She imagines that she can feel Kara’s heartbeat, racing away under her fingers. All it would take is a small movement –

Neither of them notice the well-dressed man watching them from the shadow of the doorway. He turns to leave, his job accomplished.

They’re startled out of their moment by a chorus of loud cheers. They jump slightly, and Kara stands, bringing Lena with her. They smooth out their clothes, and Lena can’t seem to figure out what to do with her hands. What does she usually do with her hands - ?

The tense moment is broken when their attention is drawn by the source of the noise – a couple seems to be in the midst of a furious kiss at a table in the corner. One person is straddling the other, and their hands are definitely not completely visible. As someone in front of Lena moves aside, she sees short cropped brown hair –

_Oh._

Alex and Maggie are joined at the mouth, Maggie’s hands glued to Alex’s hips as they move together on the chair. Beside her, she hears Kara groan.

“You  _guys,_ oh my god!” She spins on her heel, staring resolutely in the opposite direction. Over the cheers of the crowd, Lena hears her mutter “shown up by my own sister…”

Lena lets out a shaky laugh. “I think they’re sweet.”

Kara sighs. “Yeah, so do I. I’m glad Alex finally made a move. But I just – I wish –“ She cuts herself off, running a hand through her hair in obvious frustration.

“Come on, you. Let’s go poke fun at your sister before the clothes come off.”

“Ugh,  _Lena!_ ”

 

* * *

 

The night air is cold on Kara’s skin as she and Lena make their way back to the first class entrance. After the warmth of the party, the wind feels especially cutting, and Kara wraps an arm around her when she sees Lena shiver. Lena huddles close, but doesn’t seem to want to walk any faster.

While Kara hadn't been expecting to return to Cat Grant's rooms to find her own clothes gone and a very expensive new set laid out with a note reading ' _Your hobo clothes have been returned to steerage. Put these on, and go get your girl'_ , she finds herself grateful; both because the sturdier fabric is keeping her warm, and because Lena's reaction to seeing her had been everything she could have hoped for.

The night feels bittersweet. Seeing Lena cut loose had been worth its weight in gold, but now Kara is faced with the prospect of saying goodbye, with no guarantee of seeing her again. Beside her, Lena is looking up at the stars. She starts to quietly hum a soft melody.

“What are you singing?”

Lena stops abruptly. “Nothing.”

“Liar.” Kara smiles, nudging Lena with her hip. “What is it? It sounds familiar. Sing it for me.”

Lena hesitates, but at Kara’s sincerity she starts to sing quietly. “Come Josephine, in my flying machine, going up she goes…”

Kara recognizes the song, and joins in. “Balance yourself like a bird on a beam, in the air she goes, there she goes…” Lena looks at her in surprise.

“You have a beautiful voice, Kara. Is there any type of artistic endeavour you aren’t good at?”

Kara laughs good-naturedly. “Yeah, I can’t play any instruments. I could never afford any to practice on.”

Lena grumbles. “Even your flaws are endearing.” She stumbles slightly, and Kara holds her more tightly.

Before either of them is ready, the first class entrance is in front of them. Lena turns around to look at Kara.

“I don’t want to go back.” She admits quietly.

_I don’t want you to, either._

Lena makes her way to the railing, taking hold of a smokestack support rope and swinging slightly back and forth. “Look. It’s so beautiful.”

“Yeah.” Lena stares at the sky, and Kara stares at her. She knows she could look at Lena for hours and never get tired.

“It’s so vast, and endless. And we’re so small.” Lena swings, coming closer and closer to Kara on every pass. “My crowd…they think they’re giants. They’re nothing. Insignificant. We all are.”

 _How?_  Kara thinks.  _How did you come from them?_

“You know, there’s been a mistake. You’re not one of them. I think you were mailed to the wrong address.” That makes Lena laugh. Kara treasures the sound.

“I was, wasn’t I?” As Lena agrees, Kara sees a small flash behind her head.

“Lena, look! A shooting star.” Lena turns, and they watch as it fades in the distance. Kara moves closer, and Lena presses herself back into Kara’s warmth. Gently, afraid to move too quickly, Kara wraps her arms around Lena’s waist.

“Should we wish on it?” Lena whispers, turning her head to look up at Kara.

“Why? What would you wish for?” A long silence follows, and Lena’s green eyes bore into hers. There’s something there, and Kara knows it. She  _knows_ that Lena feels it too. It’s a bright spark, and Kara can tell that if they feed it, it can become a wildfire. She wants to be consumed.

But Lena’s expression falls. The sadness returns, and Kara’s heart sinks as Lena answers.

“Something I can’t have.”

She reaches a trembling hand up, almost touching Kara’s cheek. And then she pulls away.

“Goodnight, Kara.”

Lena hurries towards the door, and slips through without a backwards glance. Kara leans against the railing, raising her eyes towards the heavens as she wishes silently on that star.

_I won’t give up that easily._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of people wanted Kara to wear a suit to dinner, but I wanted Lena to see Those Shoulders, so I tried to give you the best of both worlds. 
> 
> Lena's dress is the one from the movie, and Kara's is based on this but in blue: https://medias.spotern.com/spots/share/49016.png
> 
> Next update should be in a few days!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” Even Lena knows that she isn’t being convincing. “It’s not up to you to save me, Kara.”
> 
> Kara nods. “You’re right. Only you can do that.” She leans forward, touching Lena’s forehead with her own. Lena fights back a sob. 
> 
> “There’s something here, I know there is.” 
> 
> “Don’t you feel it, too?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our girls break up, then make up. A portrait is drawn, and Kara has a Gay Heart Attack. 
> 
> This is a long one, but it contains some Good Stuff. We're approaching the M rating territory. Hope y’all enjoy!

Lena is smiling. _Smiling_ like a lovestruck teenager, as if she isn’t currently violently hung over and headed towards a lifetime of marriage to a man who made her feel, at best, slightly nauseous.

Kara Danvers is a wonder. A ray of sunshine beaming into the storm that is Lena’s life. In the few short hours that she spent with Kara, she could feel herself sliding down a very steep slope, and she isn’t sure what’s waiting at the bottom. Last night, as Kara held her under the stars, Lena had made a wish. She wished for more time. For the night to never end, so that she could stay in Kara’s arms forever. But the night did end, and now she’s feeling the results in the form of a pounding headache.

She stirs her tea, the clink of the china making her head throb even harder. She doesn’t even feel like drinking it, but it helps to have something to do with her hands. Jess enters the room with a tray of breakfast, setting it in front of her and sitting down.

“Are you all right, Miss Luthor? You seem tired this morning.”

“I’m fine, Jess. Thank you.”

“If you’re sure, Miss.” Jess pauses. “You did come in awfully late last night.”

Lena sighs good-naturedly. “I should have known you’d notice. You don’t miss a thing.” Jess smiles.

“It’s my job. You seemed happy, when you came back. You were singing.”

Lena definitely does _not_ remember singing, but she can guess what song it might have been. She smiles fondly. “Yes…I was happy. I had a good night.”

As Jess opens her mouth to ask for details, she’s cut off by Mon-El striding into the room. He gestures for Jess to move, and takes her seat as she hurries out. Lena sighs. She is truly not in the mood to deal with Mon-El this morning.

As he leans back in his chair and studies her, she feels a creeping sense of foreboding. There’s something dark in his face, and it makes her suddenly nervous.

“I had hoped you would come to me last night.” His eyes never leave Lena’s face as he speaks.

“I was tired.”

“Mmm. Yes, your exertions below decks were no doubt exhausting.”

Lena’s heart drops, and she feels her already queasy stomach roil. _He knows._ How could he? He was still out when she arrived back in her rooms last night. How could he have –

_Of course._

“I see you had that undertaker of a manservant follow me, how typical.” When they were first engaged, Mon-El had enlisted Corben to follow Lena almost everywhere. To protect her, he had claimed. But she knew why he was there – to observe. She should have known he would come looking for her.

“You will never behave like that again, Lena. Do you understand me?” Mon-El’s tone left no room for argument, but Lena couldn’t help herself. The more time she spends with Kara, the more she resents this life, and Mon-El’s casual dismissal of her agency. She feels the anger rise, and can’t stop herself from speaking.

“I’m not a worker in one of your steel mills that you can command.” Her voice shakes, and she takes a breath to steady it. Her next sentence comes out louder, more confident. “I’m your fiancée.”

Mon-El stares at her a moment, his expression flickering into something dangerous. He seems still, perhaps processing what she’s said to him.

Suddenly, he explodes. He rises from his seat, slamming his hands on the table and then upending it completely, sending china and food flying across the room to shatter on the floor.

“My fiancée? **Yes** you are! My wife in practice if not yet by law, and so you will honour me.” He stalks closer, pinning her to her chair as he leans in so far that Lena can see the flecks of spit on his chin from his outburst, and smell the coffee and whiskey on his breath. Her hands grip the arms of the chair as she tries to compress herself into it, to get as far away from him as she can.

“You will honour me the way a wife is required to honour a husband.” He lifts a hand and undoes a single lace on her bodice, his voice deadly soft. “Is that clear?”

Lena feels sick. She’s horrified – she’s always known that Mon-El was despicable, but she hadn’t truly realized the depths of it until now. She lifts her eyes to his.

“I am not your slave, Mon-El.”

“No?” He smiles, confident in his control. “Not yet. But it can be arranged. And mark my words, I can also arrange for any number of terrible things to happen to your little steerage friend.”

_No._

God, no. Lena can handle whatever Mon-El decides to do to her, but not Kara. She couldn’t let him hurt Kara.

“You are not to see that street rat again, do you hear me?”

Trembling, Lena nods.

“Good.”

With that, Mon-El leaves the room. Immediately, Jess is beside Lena, who sinks to the floor. She’s shaking uncontrollably, her breath coming in harsh gasps. A panic attack.

“Jess – I – we – an accident, the table –“ She starts trying to sweep up the shards with her hands, not noticing as the edges cut into her skin.

“Miss, please – Lena! Lena, it’s alright. Come here.” She pulls Lena to her, holding her up as Lena starts to sob.

_He can’t hurt her. Not Kara._

As Jess rubs circles on her back and she gets control over her breathing, she decides.

_I have to protect Kara. Whatever it takes._

_Even if it kills me._

* * *

_How big is this place?_

Kara wanders the first-class section of the ship, each turn a new wonder. She had thought that the grand staircase and dining room must be the most ornate rooms on the ship, but she was wrong. Was everything here made of rich wood or crystal? What must the _bedrooms_ look like? It seems excessive.

Finally, she comes upon the staircase from the night before. Relieved to find something familiar, she makes her way down it, smiling fondly at the wall clock on her way. She notices J’onn, the engineer who treated her so kindly last night, standing near the base and scribbling in a large notebook.

“Hello, Mr. J’onzz!”

He looks up from his work, smiling as he recognizes her.

“Ah, Miss Danvers! Back again already?”

“Well, it’s so nice up here, how could I stay away?” Kara leans against the hand rail, crossing her arms.

He chuckles. “Looking for Miss Luthor, I presume?”

Kara grins, rubbing her neck. “Yes. Have you seen her?”

J’onn points to a set of ornate double doors, behind which Kara can hear singing. “I believe she’s at mass. She seemed out of sorts today.”

Kara moves in that direction, frowning slightly. “Thanks, J’onn.”

_She was sad?_

She makes her way to the doors and tries to peek inside, but the men standing on either side step to block her way. “Miss, you can’t be in here.”

Kara steps to move around them, still craning her neck for a glimpse at Lena in the crowd. “I just need to talk to someone –“ the men move closer, one of them reaching his hands out to keep her from going for the door. Kara sighs in frustration. “Look, I’m not going to disrupt the service, I just need to talk to her for a second.”

As she protests, Kara spots Mon-El’s manservant making his way towards the door. “Look, he’ll tell you, I was here last night. I just need –“

Corben interrupts her. “Mr. Daxam and Miss Luthor…continue to be grateful for your assistance. They asked me to give you this.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a crisp bill. A 20.

“Look, I don’t want your money. I just want to talk to Lena –“

“And to remind you that no matter what clothes you’re wearing,” he takes a long look at her expensive outfit, smirking, “You hold a third-class ticket and that your presence here is no longer…appropriate.”

Kara sighs in frustration, running a hand through her loose hair. “Look, I just want to talk to her for one second! Please!”

But her pleas fall on uncaring ears. Pulling another bill out of his pocket, he hands one to each of the guards. “Gentlemen, please escort Miss Danvers back to where she belongs, and ensure that she stays there.”

They take the money gratefully, grabbing Kara by the shoulders. “Come on, you.” Kara glares back at Corben as they steer her towards the doors.

_Fine. Time to get creative._

As they head down the deck towards third class, Kara spots a well-placed series of balconies and deck equipment, leading up to the first-class gymnasium area.

_…I could climb that._

* * *

 Lena is trying to pay attention. Truly, she is.

Two days ago, she would have been ecstatic to be where she is right now. Now, she can barely bring herself to engage in the matter at hand. J’onn seems to understand – he keeps talking animatedly about the features of the ship as they tour its inner workings, and it works as a temporary distraction. She takes some small pleasure, at least, in the fact that J’onn directs almost all of the conversation at her, rather than Mon-El or Lillian. After his first few attempts to sound intelligent are politely shot down by Mr. J’onzz, her fiancée trails behind the group, sulking.

“And here is the bridge. There are two wheels here, but we really only use the smaller one when we’re close to shore.”

J’onn introduces them to the Captain, who is in the midst of taking a small slip of paper from a runner. “Another ice warning, sir. This one is from the Noordam.”

This draws Lena’s attention. It must show on her face, because the Captain smiles and waves a hand. “Oh, not to worry. Very common, this time of year. In fact, we’re speeding up. Mr. Lord and I have spoken, and he thinks we can make it to New York in record time. I’ve just ordered the last two boilers lit."

_Mr. Lord. Of course._

As distracted as she is, Lena can’t tune out the strange sense of foreboding she feels as he walks away.

“Mr. J’onzz, how far away would we have to be to turn out of the path of an iceberg?”

J’onn looks thoughtful. “Well, the Titanic is an uncommonly large ship, and the rudder is comparatively small. It would probably take longer than the average ocean liner, but not an unreasonable amount of time…” He looks to where the Captain disappeared, his expression shifting into something almost worried.

“I’m sure the Captain and Mr. J’onzz here know what they’re doing, Lena, dear. They’ve trained very hard for this.” Lillian scoffs. Lena hears the implication of the statement. It says, _and you have not. You never will._

_This is your life now._

The tour continues, and J’onn leads them down onto the deck. “And here are the lifeboats. There are 16 on deck in total, each with a capacity of 65.” Lena frowns. _That can’t be right. Isn’t the ship’s capacity over 2200?_

Mon-El raps one with his walking stick. “Bit of an eyesore, aren’t they?” Lillian titters in agreement. “Waste of deck space on an unsinkable ship.”

J’onn gives a tight smile. “Yes, the company thought so as well. I wanted to include more, but they thought that it made the deck look…cluttered. I insisted that they include 4 collapsible boats as well, but they’re finicky things. I’m not sure the crew was ever even trained to use them.”

Lena, having gone over the situation in her head several times, finally speaks.

“Mr. J’onzz…forgive me. I’ve done the sum in my head. With the number of lifeboats, times the capacity you mentioned, it seems that there aren’t enough for everyone on board, even with the collapsible boats.”

J’onn smiles down at her. “You truly don’t miss a thing, do you Lena? You’d make a wonderful engineer, you know.”

Lena’s chest hurts.

“You’re right. There’s only enough for about half, actually. But if anything does happen, she’s designed to stay afloat in case of emergency, more than long enough for a rescue ship to come. We’ve built a good ship, strong and true. Don’t worry, Lena.”

As Mon-El and Lillian stride ahead, J’onn walks more slowly, urging Lena to slow down as well.

“How are you really doing, Miss Luthor? You seem distracted, today.” His look is knowing. Lena sighs.

“I am. But I’m handling it, Mr. J’onzz.”

“Are you? Because I happened to see a certain young blonde try to break into mass just to see you this morning. She was escorted quite firmly back to her room.”

Lena looks at him sharply. “What? Kara was here?” Her heart leaps, and she shoves it back down again. _I can’t see her._

“Yes. I get the feeling your husband-to-be doesn’t like your association.” Lena feels her eyes fill at his gentle tone. She aches to tell him everything, to spill her ragged soul just to have a single person understand.

“I…no, he doesn’t. I’m not to see her anymore.” Lena’s voice is low, almost hoarse, and J’onn leans closer to whisper conspiratorially.

“Sometimes the best rewards come with the highest risks, don’t you think?”

Lena looks at him in surprise. “What are you suggesting?”

He winks. “I’m suggesting that you make it count, Lena.” He seems to spot something over her shoulder, and smiles. “Think about it.”

With that, he pats her arm and walks ahead, leaving Lena standing in front of the gymnasium, rather confused.

Before she can process the conversation, Lena feels a hand pull her into the gymnasium doors. She whips around, ready to strike, and freezes when she recognizes the blonde hair and eyeglasses.

“Kara!” Lena looks frantically over her shoulder. She can’t let anyone see –

“Lena, I need to talk to you.”

“You can’t be here, Kara. I can’t. If Mon-El sees you…”

“Please, Lena. Just for a second. Please.” Kara is almost frantic, wringing her hands and looking so sad and confused that Lena wants to break and tell her everything, wants to steal a lifeboat and sail away from all of this with her. But she can’t.

“Kara, I’m engaged. I’m marrying Mon-El. I…I…it’s the right thing to do.”

Kara’s face turns determined. “Lena, you can’t stand him. I can see it. You don’t belong here!” She leans close, and Lena falls into her orbit as if she’s always belonged there. Her back hits the wall, and Kara’s hands land softly on either side of her shoulders.

“Look, I’m not an idiot. I know how the world works. I have ten bucks in my pocket, I have _nothing_ to offer you. I just…I can’t let go. Not without knowing you’re okay.” Lena can’t meet her eyes,. Instead she focuses on a spot just to the right of Kara’s mouth.

Kara keeps talking, her words taking on an air of desperate sadness, as if she knows what Lena is thinking. “You’re the most amazing, wonderful, smart – just – let me get this out, okay?” Lena closes her mouth, her argument dying on her lips.

“You’re just…you’re everything, Lena. They’ve got you trapped, and you’re gonna die if you don’t get out. Maybe not right away, because you’re strong, but soon enough, that fire that I – that I _love_ about you…” She cups Lena’s cheek, and Lena feels as her warm hands brush the moisture from her face. She realizes that she’s crying. “That fire is going to burn out.”

Lena takes a few shaky breaths, stunned. Kara’s form wavers in front of her as she fights to stop her traitorous tears.

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” Even Lena knows that she isn’t being convincing. “It’s not up to you to save me, Kara.”

Kara nods. “You’re right. Only you can do that.”

Kara leans forward, touching Lena’s forehead with her own. Lena fights back a sob.

“There’s something here, I know there is.”

 _Yes_.

“Don’t you feel it, too?”

_God, yes._

Looking into Kara’s eyes, shiny with her own unshed tears, Lena aches. She wrenches herself away from the wall.

“I’m choosing this, Kara. I can’t let him – I can’t. Don’t follow me. Please -” Her voice breaks slightly. “Please forgive me.”

As she leaves Kara behind, she swears she can feel her heart break in two. 

* * *

 

Kara feels raw as she leaves the gym.

She could see the conflict in Lena’s eyes as she told Kara her choice. She knows that Lena feels trapped, that she wants out. Something was holding her back. Even with that knowledge, Kara feels empty. She had been so hopeful, last night. She knew that what she felt, the magic between them, was real. She feels in Lena’s every touch that she feels it too.

_So why won’t she leave them?_

Maybe it was just too much, Kara muses. Too much to ask, too soon. Too much change. They have, she supposes, only known each other for 2 days. But honestly, Kara has been willing to risk it all from the moment they made eye contact on the boat deck.

When she reaches the third class deck and sees her friends enjoying the sunlight, she stops for a moment and leans against the ship. James has Lucy on his back, and she’s pointing imperiously into the distance and urging him to carry her around as he laughs. Winn, his legs swinging, sits on the railing and looks slightly dreamily at the pair. As Kara watches, a breeze ruffles his hair and he wobbles precariously – he slides off the railing and back to his feet quickly after that. Maggie and Alex sit on a nearby bench, tangled up in each other. Maggie strokes Alex’s hair, kissing her softly, and Alex looks at her with an open adoration that Kara has never seen before.

They look happy. And she’s miserable. She turns to go – maybe she should just be alone right now – when Lucy spots her.

“James! Onwards, to Lady Kara!”

“I’m not a horse, Lucy.”

“You are today. Now, mush!”

He dutifully carries her over to where Kara stands. Noticing the serious expression on Kara’s face and her reddened eyes, she slides off his back and approaches her, putting a hand on her arm. “You alright, Kara?”

Kara walks with her back to the group. “Yeah. I’m…uh, no, actually. I’m not. I just saw Lena. She…can’t see me anymore.”

“Oh, Kara. I’m sorry.” Lucy hugs her, and Winn pipes in.

“Do you want me to beat up the fiancée? Because I will.” Everyone turns to Winn at that. There’s a few seconds of silence, before they burst into laughter. Even Kara smiles.

“What? I could do it! I’m very fast.”

James claps Kara on the shoulder comfortingly. “That’s really too bad. I liked her. She was spunky.”

“And by ‘spunky’, you mean she out-drank you.” Lucy points out.

“It was impressive! That’s all I’m saying.”

Alex is quiet, but Kara can practically feel the ‘I told you so’ that she’s keeping inside. Kara knows that she’s right, but she’s glad that Alex isn’t voicing it. She isn’t sure she could handle that right now.

As the mealtime bell sounds, the group starts to make its way back inside. Kara hesitates, and Alex and Maggie turns back to her.

“You coming, Little Danvers?”

Kara shrugs, and turns to look towards the water. “No. I think I need some more air.”

Alex puts a hand on her shoulder. “Look, Kara. Lena is great, I know you had your heart set on her –“

Kara shakes her off. “No, Alex. No. This isn’t some crush, okay? I love her. I’m in love with her.”

Alex gapes at her. “You’re – Kara, you met her _two days ago._ Love doesn’t happen that fast.”

Kara stares stubbornly at the horizon. Alex looks to Maggie beseechingly.

“Maggie, tell her. She’s being crazy, right?”

Maggie shrugs. “I dunno. I think it can happen that fast. Sometimes.”

Alex looks back and forth between the two of them in genuine bewilderment. Finally, she seems to accept her fate, and deflates.

“I’m going to go eat lunch. Kara…come in when you feel better, okay?” Kara nods absently. With a kiss to Maggie’s cheek, Alex heads back inside.

Assuming that she’s finally alone, Kara lets the tension out of her shoulders and leans on the railing. The full force of her conversation with Lena returns to her, and she finds herself fighting tears. A hand lands on her shoulder gently, and she jumps, wiping at her eyes furiously.

Maggie stands beside her, looking sympathetic.

“I know Alex thinks she knows what’s best for you, but if it helps, I think she’s wrong this time.”

Kara nods. “Yeah.”

After a moment, Maggie continues. “Give Lena some time, Kara. I think…I _think_ she’ll come around. I don’t want to give you false hope. But from what I saw…don’t give up just yet, okay?”

Kara nods. She feels a small ray of hope shine through the clouds.

_Maybe._

* * *

_I can do this. I can do this. I’ve been doing it without Kara my entire life._

Granted, that had led to her almost throwing herself off the ship in the middle of the Atlantic.

Lena sighs.

Lillian and Rhea simper in the background, and their voices sound like gnats in her ears. Tiny thoughts for tiny people - wedding invitations and bridesmaid dresses. As if Lena has any real friends to be bridesmaids. She thinks of last night, of arm-wrestling Maggie and Lucy catching her before she fell off the stage, Winn calling her a genius and James’ warm smile. Even Alex, who admitted that she liked her, even though she knew already that Lena would break her sister’s heart. Real people, and real friendship. She’ll likely never find that again.

She glances to her right, at a table not far off. A mother and daughter sit close together, the mother instructing the little girl in proper table manners. As the mother raps her daughter’s knuckles for folding the napkin wrong, Lena has a moment of clarity.

She imagines herself as a mother, raising Mon-El’s children in the same quiet desperation she’s been feeling since he proposed. She imagines slowly turning into Lillian, every good feeling and intention inside her rotting away until she’s a bitter shell, hating her husband and hating her children for binding her to him. An endless spiral of self-loathing and misery. She feels panic rise inside her.

She does the only thing she can think of to stop it - she thinks of Kara instead. Of sunny smiles, promises of roller coasters and Santa Monica. Kara’s friends, who accepted her almost immediately. Kara, sitting on a front porch in some snowy town in New York state, turning towards her with a cup of cocoa and a smile. Kara, swinging a child – their child, one who needs a home just like they both did once – into the air like she did with Cora. Ice cream and kisses and riding horses in the sea.

Why did she ever think she could live without her?

_Oh, god._

_I can’t do this._

She’s brought back to reality by a chorus of tittering laughs. She looks around at the people sitting with her, feeling almost sorry for them, for their tiny concerns. They live in opulence, never knowing the complexities of life. Kara has given Lena a taste of what life can be, and she can’t believe she ever thought she could go back. If Mon-El wants to stop her, wants to hunt them down, even, she can deal with the consequences. They’ll deal with them, together.

_I need to find Kara._

When she excuses herself from dinner and wanders to the deck, she belatedly realizes that she has no idea where Kara might be. She considers going to the third class common room again, but blanches at the thought of Kara’s friends seeing her after she broke her heart.

Unsure of what to do, she makes her way to the front of the ship. As she reaches the bow, Lena sees a figure leaning on the apex of the railing and looking out at the sunset, golden hair whipping around her in the wind.

Kara.

Lena feels a wave of relief. As she moves closer, she has no idea what she’s going to say – an apology doesn’t seem like enough, and she’s never been good at confessing her real feelings, as Kara pointed out so astutely yesterday.

Before she can say a word, Kara turns. She seems startled for a moment, but a slow smile makes its way across her face, even brighter than the sun that sits behind her on the water.

“I hoped I’d find you here. I…I changed my mind.” Lena tries to even out her voice, willing the shakiness to go away.

Kara, still smiling, reaches out a hand.

Taking it in gratefully, Lena lets Kara pull her close, until they’re almost breathing the same air.

“Kara – I’m so sorry –“

Kara holds a finger to her lips. “Shh. Do you trust me?”

“…what?”

Kara smiles, repeating the question with no explanation. “Do you trust me?”

Lena looks, for a moment, between Kara’s earnest face and their joined hands. “Yes.” She breathes, letting herself drown in Kara’s blue eyes. “Yes, I trust you.”

Kara’s smile grows, and she pulls Lena towards the bow.

“Close your eyes.”

Lena is finished trying to fight this. She gives herself over to her instincts, which are screaming at her to trust. To love. She closes her eyes, letting herself relax as Kara pulls her carefully forward.

“Don’t peek! It’s a surprise.”

Lena laughs. “I won’t.”

Kara steadies her with a hand on her hip. “Okay, now step up.”

Lena stiffens slightly. “What?”

“Raise your leg, and climb up the railing. Two steps.” Taking a deep breath, Lena nods. _Trust._

She carefully climbs the two rungs, Kara’s hands steady on her back as she climbs up behind her. Her hands take Lena’s gently, pulling them out until her arms are spread open like an eagle. Her fingers caress Lena’s, the calloused fingertips making her shiver in delight. They’re close, now, Kara’s strong body pinning her to the bars, and her breath hitches as Kara leans close and whispers in her ear, warm breath brushing her neck.

“Okay…now, open your eyes.”

Lena gasps.

“Kara! It’s…it’s _beautiful._ I’m flying! Kara…”

Before her, the water stretches out and blends into an infinite, colourful sky. It disappears beneath her at a dizzying speed, and as she feels the wind on her face she notes how similar the feeling is to when she thinks about that future with Kara. Like she’s sailing through the air at top speed, the world ahead full of infinite possibility. As the sun sets in front of them, she knows that it’s setting on her old life. She can’t go back.

Behind her, Kara’s hands move over her own, and she starts to sing quietly. “Come Josephine, in my flying machine, going up she goes…up she goes…” Lena laughs, loud and freeing, leaning her head back as Kara serenades her.

_It’s her song, now. Our song._

She feels Kara lay her chin on her shoulder, then turn her head to nuzzle Lena’s neck. She lays the smallest, softest kiss there. It’s so light that if Lena wasn’t currently intensely aware of every point where their bodies are touching, she wouldn’t have noticed it.

She pulls Kara’s hands slowly in from their spread position, until they’re wrapped around her, and turns her head. Their position mirrors last night – Kara pressed close to her back, a wide expanse of empty sea and sky in front of them, and Kara’s lips so close that Lena can practically feel them on hers.

This time, Lena doesn’t hesitate. She’s not afraid anymore.

Their breath mingling, they lean closer until finally, _finally,_ their lips meet.

Soft. Kara’s lips are so impossibly soft. They move gently over hers, as if Kara is still worried that Lena will change her mind and pull away.

_Not this time._

Lena reaches up and slides her hand around the back of Kara’s neck and into her hair, pulling her closer. Deeper. She feels Kara gasp, and Lena bites her lower lip gently.

Kara comes alive, then. She grips Lena’s waist firmly, pulling her closer, and her kisses get hotter, open-mouthed. Their breath mingles and Lena feels herself being slowly consumed, a fire lighting within her. Kara introduces her tongue into the mix, and as it slides along Lena’s she can’t help the whimper that escapes her. She pulls away only long enough to step down from the railing, turn around, and pull the blonde back to her by the collar of her shirt.

The kiss is even more electric from this angle – their mouths slot together perfectly, and everything else disappears.

 _This is what love feels like._ _I love her._

Kara’s hands slide to Lena’s thighs, pulling Lena’s leg up to wrap around her hip and slotting herself in the empty space. Lena gasps into her mouth, and the kiss deepens. She can hear her own blood pounding in her ears. The wind whips at their faces, the smell of the sea and the cold air and Kara. Finally, Lena does what she’s been thinking about since they met – she slides her hands into the open collar of Kara’s shirt, smoothing over her collarbone and digging her blunt fingernails into the skin of her shoulders. Kara makes a low sound, almost a growl, and Lena feels the muscle shift as she’s pinned more securely to the railing. Lena’s body is lit up, every nerve ending attuned to Kara’s frame on hers.

As Kara’s thigh grinds into her, Lena feels a sharp jolt of pleasure, and she rips her mouth away, panting.

“Kara. Wait.”

Kara pulls back immediately, her hazy expression clearing into a look of worry. “Are – are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Lena lets out a breathless, incredulous laugh. “God, no, Kara. That was…” She pulls Kara in for another soft, gentle kiss. Things are shifting in her chest. With Kara’s lips on hers, things make sense for the first time. “I’ve never felt anything like that. I’m not completely sure I can walk properly right now, to be honest.” Her legs definitely feel distinctly wobbly.

Kara grins bashfully, burying her face in Lena’s neck and peppering it with kisses. “Well then, why did you want me to stop?”

Lena sinks a hand into Kara’s soft hair and pulls her back slightly, arching an eyebrow.

"Because I was ten seconds from losing control, and we’re in broad daylight in the middle of a boat deck.” She moves her head to the side – sure enough, two young boys are watching them from behind a bench. As Kara turns around, they giggle and scamper away.

Kara looks somewhat abashed. “Oh. Right. Sorry, Lena.” She pulls away slightly, letting Lena’s leg slide back down and straightening her own shirt, which was rucked up slightly by Lena’s searching hands. Shakily, Lena smooths her hair, which is coming out of its pins.

“No need. I just think that it might be time to take this somewhere more…private.”

* * *

It feels different, having Lena lead her through maze-like hallways to her domain rather than the other way around. Kara follows, her lips still tingling from their kiss mere minutes ago. 

That kiss…Kara has never had a kiss like that. She’s always enjoyed kissing, but with Lena, it seemed like more. An extension of her feelings, magnifying them until she needed Lena closer more than she needed to breathe.

They enter a long, immaculately clean hallway, and Lena leads her to a wood-paneled door. She pulls out a room key, but before she opens it, she turns around and glances around furtively.

“Lena? What are you –“ Kara is cut off by Lena pulling her in for a hard kiss. Her brain short-circuits briefly, and just as she starts to respond and bring her hands to Lena’s waist, Lena pulls away, her eyes hooded. Kara blinks, dumbfounded.

“Wha – what was that for?” Kara’s voice comes out croaky, and she clears her throat.

“Because I can.” With a grin, Lena turns back around and unlocks the door, pulling Kara inside.

_This woman is going to kill me._

The room is lavishly decorated. Kara hadn’t been wrong in her guess earlier that day – the bedrooms are just as ornate as the rest of the first-class section. In fact, it wasn’t simply a bedroom – the room they stand in now is a sort of parlour, and Kara can see three doors that must lead to other areas of the same suite.

“This is the sitting room.” Lena explains, removing her shawl and laying it over the back of a plush armchair.

“Lena, this is… _gigantic._ ” Kara wanders towards what appears to be a fireplace with a large mantlepiece. _A fireplace, on a ship._

“Will this light do?” Lena bustles around the room, locking the door behind them and opening another, which seems to lead to a small room with a green safe inside.

“What?” Kara pulls her eyes away from the mantle, confused.

“Don’t artists need good light?” Lena clarifies, approaching her and running her hands over Kara’s shoulders. _She seems to like my shoulders._

Kara puts on an affected French accent, gesturing wildly around the room. “Zat is true, but I am not used to working in such…’orrible conditions.” Lena laughs, leaning in for a soft kiss that Kara gratefully returns.

As she pulls away, Lena’s face turns serious. “Kara…I need to apologize to you, for earlier. I’m sorry, for what I did. What I said.”

“Lena, it’s okay. I understand.”

“No, you don’t.” Lena’s eyes are shiny, and her lip trembles almost imperceptibly. “Mon-El, he – after last night, he told me I couldn’t see you again. He… threatened me. And then he threatened you.”

“What? He threatened you?” Kara pulls her closer, cupping her cheek. _He’ll never touch you again._

“He said that if I ever saw you again, he would…arrange for something to happen to you. I couldn’t – I was so scared, Kara. I thought about losing you and I wanted to die. I thought – that maybe if I let you go, if I knew that you were safe, it would be enough.”

“Lena…” Kara looks at her reverently. “You were trying to protect me?”

“Yes. But it turns out, I’m selfish.” Lena strokes Kara’s cheek, reveling in the softness of her skin. “I need you, apparently.”

Kara smiles softly. “I need you, too. You should have seen me this afternoon. I was too sad to eat.”

Lena laughs, and seems grateful to Kara for breaking the serious moment. She takes the oppourtunity to collect herself, wiping at her eyes and turning away to tidy the already-clean coffee table. “I didn’t know that was possible!”

Kara lets her eyes wander around the room again, giving Lena a bit of privacy. Her eyes are drawn to a table in the corner, where several paintings lean against the wall.

_Is that –_

“Monet!” Kara gasps, hurrying towards them. It’s unmistakeable – the broad strokes of the brush, the way the light falls on the painted pond. As she comes closer, it’s confirmed – his signature and a date, on the lower right. Kara leans close, taking in the details of the scene.

Lena follows her, putting a hand on Kara’s back as she approaches. “Yes! You know his work?”

“Of course.” Kara murmurs, reaching up to point out her favourite aspects of the painting. “Look at his use of colour here, isn’t he great?”

Lena leans closer, excited to share her collection. “I know. It’s extraordinary. These are the one thing that Mon-El allowed me to buy myself.”

They spend a few moments longer looking at the rest of the paintings in the room, Kara bouncing excitedly as they go. Finally, Lena starts to fidget slightly.

“Speaking of art. Follow me?”

_Anywhere._

Lena leads Kara to the room with the safe, and starts spinning the combination. “Mon-El insists on carting this thing everywhere.” She opens the door, pulling out a black velvet box.

“Should we be expecting him any time soon?” Kara glances nervously at the door. She’d rather not have a confrontation, if possible.

“Not as long as the cigars and brandy hold out. He stays out late. And mother has her own rooms.” Lena opens the box, and lifts out something shiny, handing it to Kara.

It’s _heavy._ Looking closely, Kara sees that it’s a necklace – a huge blue gem surrounded by white stones, on a heavy jeweled chain. She whistles.

“Wow. That’s nice. What is it, a sapphire?” She holds it to the light, watching it sparkle.

“A diamond. A very rare diamond. It’s ostentatious, I know.” Kara nods absently. Lena continues. “Kara, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls.”

Kara exhales. A portrait – easy enough. She’d done it hundreds of times.

“Wearing this.” _I can do that._ Kara nods again.

“Alright.”

At Lena’s next words, Kara almost drops the necklace.

“Wearing only this.”

Kara turns her head so quickly that she almost gives herself whiplash. Lena smiles, trailing her hand down Kara’s arm. “I’m going to get ready. Make yourself comfortable.” She walks away, leaving Kara behind her gaping like a fish.

_Fuck._

* * *

Lena reaches up to remove the last of the pins from her hair, shaking it out with her fingers.

_Will Kara like it like this?_

She’s wanted this – wanted Kara’s eyes on her, turning her body into art – since she first happened upon the drawings in Kara’s folder. She was thinking about it constantly as she led Kara back to her rooms, trying to figure out how to bring it up. It had taken a lot to keep the shaking out of her voice as she asked, but Kara’s reaction had been worth it.

Lena stands, slowly removing her layers of clothes. She hears some shuffling from outside the room, and wonders what Kara is doing. Lena hangs her dress over a chair, and works on removing her corset, sighing as the laces release. As the last of her clothes are shed, she stands naked for a moment in front of the mirror. She’s only ever looked in the mirror and seen imperfections – flaws for her mother to point out. She wonders how Kara will see her.

Nobody has ever actually seen her like this before, she notes absently. Kara will be the first. Mon-El has been badgering her incessantly to lay with him for weeks, but she’s been able to avoid him so far. And before Lex’s crimes had forced her into the spotlight, Lena had been with a few women, but even those were short trysts. Stolen moments in small, dark spaces, hands under skirts and fumbled kisses, always on the lookout for Lillian or a passing servant. Her experiences had been rushed and frantic. 

This is different. Intimate. Lena had a feeling that Kara wasn’t the type to rush anything. She feels nervous, but sure of her decision.

_I want this._

She slips on her robe, and pauses for a moment before she opens the door. She takes a deep breath. She hears a scraping noise outside – Kara sharpening her pencils. _I trust her._

As she passes the threshold, she hears the scraping stop.

* * *

Kara lays her supplies out with shaking hands.

It isn’t that she’s scared, exactly. She’s done this a hundred times, and she’s confident that she can draw Lena a portrait that she’ll love. But she’s definitely full of adrenaline, hyped up and nervous. She’s drawn women before, but this is _Lena_. She’s even drawn women that she was attracted to before – in fact, a few of the drawings in her folder were done post-coital, with Kara herself still naked as she drew them – but this is different, somehow. Lena makes her _feel_.

Kara moves one of the larger couches to the centre of the room, and sets a chair in front of it. She reaches for her longest pencil and starts sharpening it, but her mind drifts off – _Lena is behind that door, Lena is probably mostly naked right now, oh god I’m going to see her –_ and she winces as she puts too much pressure on the knife, taking a nick out of the table.

 _Focus. Deep breaths_. Lena wants a portrait, and Kara is going to give her one.

She’s almost afraid to look up when she hears the door open, but she can’t help herself. She raises her eyes, and all higher thought stops.

Lena’s hair is down. Lena has never had her hair down before. A small clip holds it out of her eyes, but it’s so long, like black silk running over her shoulders. It frames her face and makes her playful eyes look even brighter, and Kara wants to run her fingers through it. As Kara’s eyes trace the lines of Lena’s hair over her shoulders and down to her chest, she takes in Lena’s outfit – or, rather, lack thereof.

She’s in a sheer black robe, the soft lines of her body almost visible through the fabric. She’s holding it closed with her hand, but Kara can see a line of creamy skin down her chest above the cinch, and _is it hot in here? Is it normal for a heart to beat this fast? Am I having a stroke?!_

“The last thing I need is another picture of me looking like a porcelain doll.” Lena walks slowly towards Kara as she speaks, and Kara shifts in her chair, her heart rate picking up. “As a paying customer, I expect to get what I want.” Lena tosses something at Kara, who catches it purely by instinct. Looking down, she sees that it’s a dime.

Lena reaches up and shakes her hair out fully from the clip, letting it fall into her face, and Kara can’t breathe.

_It’s happening. Oh god. Is this what dying feels like?_

Slowly, Lena lets the robe slide over her shoulders and down her body, pooling on the floor at her feet.

_Yeah. I’m dead, and this is heaven._

Lena is e _xquisite._ The arch of her neck and angles of her collarbone are on display, her creamy skin accentuating the swell of her breasts. She’s all soft curves where Kara is hard – where Kara is used to her own muscular abdomen, Lena’s stomach is smooth, with a slight swell that Kara wants to kiss. Her hips flare out from her waist in a gentle hourglass, and her thighs follow suit. Kara uses every ounce of her willpower to stay in her seat. She’s spent a lot of time looking at Lena’s figure, but she now realizes that previously, Lena had been wearing a corset. Without it, her figure is fuller, softer, and infinitely more beautiful.

Kara is no stranger to naked women. In fact, she would say she’s more intimately acquainted with looking at the female form than most people. But it’s never been like this. Every single instinct screams at her to get up, to abandon her art supplies, to take this woman in her arms and absolutely ravish her. She wants to _touch._ She _wants –_

A sharp crack rings out in the silent room. Kara’s sharpened pencil lies broken in her palm.

_Oops._

“Shit! Sorry. Uh, just – just a second…” Kara roots around in her bag for another one, but it’s difficult when she can’t take her eyes away from Lena, who is still standing naked, biting her lip and holding back a smile. When she speaks, her voice is teasing.

“Where do you want me?”

_Oh, god._

“Uh. Over there on the bed. O-on the couch!” Kara stutters, and Lena’s eyes twinkle as she sits down and starts to arrange herself. Kara can’t look away.

_How am I going to get through a whole sitting?_

“Like this?” Lena lies back, stretching herself out in wonderful lines as she puts her arms above her head.

“I – yeah, actually. That’s – wait, how long have you been thinking about this?”

Lena has the decency to blush. “Honestly? Since I first saw your work.”

“Oh. That’s…wow. Really?” Kara feels more confident at the admission. She thinks back to that afternoon, how Lena had flirted as she flipped through Kara’s drawings. How she had nervously probed, getting Kara to admit her attraction to women. _She was thinking about this._

Kara adjusts her glasses. “Right. Okay. Just…try to stay still.”

She readies her pencil, and then notices something.

“Uh, Lena? Your necklace is sort of crooked. Could you just, adjust it?”

Lena moves the necklace, but the chain still isn’t right. It isn’t sitting properly, and the heart-shaped diamond is angled unevenly on her chest.

“No, not quite – it’s just –“

Lena cuts her off, the words spilling out in a rush as if she can’t stop them. “Why don’t you do it yourself?”

_Why don’t I - ?_

“Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I can do that.” Kara stands up on unsteady legs, and slowly approaches Lena, whose breathing has noticeably picked up. Kara can practically see the flutter of her rapid pulse under her jaw as she lifts her chin slightly for Kara to adjust. She can smell Lena’s perfume, feel Lena’s hot skin under her fingers as she moves the jewel. Finally it sits properly, and Kara trails the backs of her fingers over Lena’s collarbone and down the line of her breast as she takes her hand away. Lena shifts, her thighs rubbing together, and Kara’s will almost snaps.

_Focus, Kara. She asked to pose for you, not be groped._

Swallowing, she pulls herself away before she can think better of it, and she hears Lena exhale behind her.

Kara sits, pulling her sketchpad close and meeting Lena’s darkened eyes. “Perfect.”

* * *

This is torture. Exquisite, wonderful, excruciating torture. 

Kara’s eyes roam over her, committing her form to paper, and Lena’s body is on fire. If she thought she had been laid bare that first time their eyes met, she had no idea how it could be. Kara’s focused gaze opens her up gently, and she feels raw – not only is she not wearing clothes, but she feels like Kara has stripped her of all her walls as well. Down to her essence. As she scratches at the paper with her pencil, Lena can’t stop staring at Kara in turn.

Her face is so focused, the adorable crinkle ever-present between her brows. Her hair falls into her eyes, and she moves it back with a flick of her head, her concentration unbroken. Lena’s eyes trace over her shoulders, remembering how they felt under her hands. She can still feel the ghost of Kara’s fingers on her chest. She had been so close – a few more seconds, and Lena might have pulled her down onto the couch, portrait be damned. She’s never wanted like this before, so strongly that all reason disappears. She’s never _felt_ wanted like this, either. Kara is focused now, deep in her artistic world, but Lena had seen Kara’s reaction as she dropped her robe. Hunger. Lena squeezes her thighs together, hoping to alleviate some pressure.

“No moving, Lena.” Kara’s voice teases, and Lena stops, sighing in frustration. She needs _something,_ before she goes insane. Her thighs fall apart again, perhaps leaving more space than before, and Kara’s eyes are drawn there. A red flush creeps up her neck as she goes back to her drawing.

“I do believe you’re blushing, Miss Big Artiste. I thought you’d done this before?”

Kara looks back at her, her face scrunching up adorably. “I have. This is…different.” It is. Lena knows it is. She wants to hear more of Kara’s voice – it’s gravelly and rough, as if she’s struggling to use it at all.

“I can’t imagine Monsieur Monet blushing, can you?”

“He does _landscapes_ , Lena.”

Lena smiles, enjoying Kara’s reactions.

“Relax your face. I love your smile, but I need to finish this so that…uh.” She trails off. The blush creeps higher, and she goes back to drawing.

Every minute seems longer and longer as Lena waits, trying to regulate her heart rate. Surely, Kara can see the effect this is having. Kara is biting her lip now, the tension in her body more pronounced, as if Lena speaking had shaken her out of whatever calm she had lulled herself into and now she was aware of the situation. Of the fact that Lena is lying mere feet from her and _throbbing_ with want, that her inner thighs are slick with it, and Lena’s hands ball into fists -

“Finished.”

_Oh, thank god._

Lena forces herself to relax and take a few breaths. She sits up, picking her robe up off the floor and slipping it on, but leaving it gaping open at the front.

“May I see it?” Lena circles around to stand behind Kara, leaning over her shoulder to look. Her robe parts slightly and Kara stares unabashedly, her shyness seemingly forgotten with Lena’s forwardness.

The portrait is everything Lena hoped it would be. Kara has made Lena look languid and graceful, accentuated her sharp jawline and brows without losing any softness. She usually feels self-conscious looking at herself, but instead, she just feels beautiful.

_It’s certainly nothing like my other portraits. Mon-El will hate it._

Lena smiles, putting a finger under Kara’s chin to move her eyeline back up.

“So…what would you like to do now?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW THIS IS A CLIFFHANGER but this chapter got really long (because I loved writing it), and I had to cut it off somewhere! The smut is coming next chapter, for those of you who are interested ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lena slowly kisses each calloused fingertip and trails her lips down to her palm, her eyes never leaving Kara’s face. Kara’s eyes are wide, her mouth slightly agape as she watches Lena’s tongue dart out to swirl around her index finger. 
> 
> Swallowing hard, her heart pounding, green eyes connect with blue. 
> 
> “Put your hands on me, Kara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara explore the ship, and each other. The angst begins.
> 
> As you can tell from the summary, the true M rating has arrived. I hope you enjoy ;)

 

Kara feels buoyant as she gathers her supplies and tucks them away.

She had gotten through the session mostly by trying to distance herself from Lena, trying to see her as a subject rather than as the person who makes her heart soar; or, even more distractingly, the person she wants to pin against one of these overly fancy walls and bury herself inside. For a while, that had even worked. She had found a rhythm, a way to look at Lena and commit her form to paper without stoking the fire of her libido.

But then Lena had started to shift, to worry her lips with her teeth, to subtly move her hips in a way that made Kara acutely aware of exactly who was in front of her. She had tried valiantly to get back to that relaxed place, asking Lena to stop moving so that she could concentrate instead of thinking about kneeling between those flexing thighs until Lena screamed herself hoarse, but it had only made things worse. Lena had teased her with that low, sultry voice, had moved her legs slightly apart until Kara could almost see –  _god._ Just thinking about it now had Kara’s pulse thrumming again.

She had thankfully almost been finished by then, but actually completing the drawing after that had been a serious exercise in willpower. She could suddenly feel the pulsing between her own thighs, and it was maddening. This level of distraction while drawing had never happened before. But, Kara admits, most things that she feels with Lena have never happened before. Lena is unique.

As she completes the thought, Kara glances across the room to where Lena stands, still in her sheer robe, scribbling on a piece of paper. She finishes the note, picking it up and waving it a few times to dry the ink. She looks pleased.

As Kara approaches her, her face breaks into a smile – a real one, Kara’s favourite expression, where Lena’s teeth show and her face scrunches up adorably - and Kara’s heart stutters. She’ll never be tired of seeing that smile. Lena hands her the note and the drawing, as well as the box containing the diamond.

“Will you put this back in the safe for me?”

Kara nods, and looks down at the note as she approaches the green monstrosity.

_Darling, now you can keep us both locked up in your safe._

Kara grins.  _Well played, Lena._

She tucks the drawing and note inside where they’ll be visible, and slides the box back into its place.

Hearing rustling in the other room, Kara heads back. As she nears the doorway, her eyes are drawn to movement near the fireplace, where she sees Lena, with a loose white gossamer dress halfway up her hips and –

“Ow - !” Kara, distracted by Lena’s lack of clothing again, walks right into the doorframe. She rubs her forehead as Lena laughs at her, dress still resting at her hips and leaving her chest exposed.

“Surely you can’t be shy now? Just 5 minutes ago you were looking at much more than this.”

Kara huffs, crossing her arms. “That was different.”

Lena pulls the dress the rest of the way up, adjusting herself and reaching behind to tie it. She struggles for a moment, before looking at Kara in frustration.

“Kara, could you -?”

Kara hurries over, gently tying the knot behind Lena’s neck. She wants to kiss the exposed skin there – and, she realizes suddenly, she can. She can just kiss her. That’s allowed now.

She leans forward, her lips brushing Lena’s shoulder, and Lena sighs, leaning back into her.

“You look nice. I like this dress.”

Lena hums happily. “I haven’t worn it in years. Mother doesn’t like me to wear anything in public that doesn’t require a corset.”

“I like you without a corset.” Kara illustrates the point by wrapping her hands around Lena’s waist, enjoying the feeling of softness under the layers of the dress. Lena brings a hand up to rest on Kara’s cheek, and is leading her down for a proper kiss when they both hear the door handle move.

“ _Come on!”_ In an instant Lena is moving, pulling Kara with her, heading for the exit on the other side of the suite and closing the sitting room door behind them. They hear the entry door open on the other side, and Lena walks faster, tugging at Kara’s hand. Kara slows down, looking back as she realizes that she’s left her bag in the room.

“My stuff – all my drawings – “

Lena continues to pull her to the exit. “We can come back for it later, I promise.” Kara hears the inner door open just as they closes the outer, and Lena tugs her hand again as they walk quickly down the hallway.

“Act natural.” Lena whispers, grinning despite the danger. She straightens her back and keeps her eyes forward as she walks and so does Kara, doing her best to seem nonchalant as she hears the door behind them open.  _It’s fine. We’re just two random passengers. No need to look at us._

As she thinks this, Lena turns to look behind them, and Kara follows suit. Standing in the doorway and glaring around the hall is Corben. Before she can look away, their eyes meet, and Kara sees the recognition in them.

“Shit.”

“RUN!” Lena yells, and her laughter bounces off the walls as she grabs Kara’s hand and breaks into a sprint towards the elevators. As they slide around the corner, Kara sees the gate of the lift starting to close, and Lena shouts.

“Wait! Wait, wait, wait –“ Kara almost loses her footing, and Lena pulls her back up as they slip inside before the doors shut. Frantically, she starts pulling them closed behind them and shutting the grate while Lena urges the attendant to take them down. As they start to move, Kara sees Corben through the gaps, skidding to a stop and realizing that they’ve escaped him. Panting slightly, Kara grins up at him cheekily, and waves.

“Bye!”

Beside her, Lena gives him the finger.

Kara bursts into delighted laughter.  _Is it possible to love her more?_

As they sink out of view, Corben turns and runs on down the hall. 

“He’s going to the stairs.” Lena looks exhilarated, her loose hair slightly messy as she laughs in disbelief. She’s beautiful. “Where should we go?”

Kara thinks for a moment. “Down to E-Deck. That’s where all the workers’ quarters are, and the kitchens and boiler room. There’s lots of places to hide, and he might not think to look there.”

Lena nods, pulling Kara closer. The elevator operator looks away politely, clearing his throat.

“I’ve never done anything like this before.” Lena says, seemingly giddy with her newfound rebellion.

Kara leans close again. “Well, I’m honoured to be your first.”

 _This poor attendant,_ Kara thinks as their lips meet again, but she can’t find it within herself to be really remorseful. Not when she can feel Lena’s smile through the kiss.

As they pass D-Deck, Lena starts to bounce on the soles of her feet.

“Ready?”

Kara starts to pull open the grate before they’ve reached the bottom. “Are you kidding? I was the fastest girl in my class.” She throws a wink at Lena as the attendant starts to protest.

“Miss, you’re not supposed to open the grate until –“ But Kara has already pulled it open and jumped down, bringing Lena with her. She yells a thank you at him – it’s not his fault that they need to break his rules – and they start to run down the narrow white corridor, looking for any sign of Corben. They race down a set of stairs, nearly crashing into a cart full of silverware, and stumble on down the hall.

As they burst through a set of double doors, Lena leans against the wall, gasping for air. “I am not…used to running this much…” She wheezes, and her Irish accent is more pronounced than usual. Kara loves it. She leans around Lena, looking through the small circular window behind them.

“Pretty tough for a valet, this guy. He seems more like a cop.” Kara pants, leaning against the opposite wall.

“I think he was.” Lena replies, her breathing slowing incrementally. “Mon-El’s father hired him to keep his ‘little boy’ out of trouble. Mon-El had a bad habit of disappearing into the night and gambling or picking fights, turning up again without his wallet or watch. He acts stuck-up, but he likes to crawl through the more disreputable parts of town.”

Kara huffs out a breathless laugh. “Oh, yeah? Kind of like we’re doing now?” With a grin, she pulls Lena closer – she’s still amazed that she gets to do this, and Lena lets her –

Over Lena’s shoulder, she sees Corben descend the staircase and turn to look directly at them.

“Oh, shit!” Kara breathes, and Lena turns around to see Corben advancing.

“Go!”

They run down the hall hand in hand, and Kara takes a chance – she pulls Lena around a blind corner, only to come up on a dead end. Lena yells wordlessly behind her, torn between fear and adrenaline. Kara sees a narrow door to the left, marked ‘Employees Only’, and makes a break for it.

“In here!  _Go, go, go!”_ Kara opens the door and pulls Lena inside, slamming it shut and pulling the deadlock. Mere seconds later, she hears Corben’s weight slam into it, and sees the handle jiggle, but the lock holds. She lets out a long breath.

“That was really close.”

Looking up, she tries to figure out where they are. The room is small and noisy, and the only other exit seems to be a hole in the floor with a ladder, from which a great deal of steam is rising in a reddish glow. It looks like a portal to hell.

Lena looks at her with her hands over her ears. “Now what?” she yells over the noise.

Kara gestures to the ladder. 

“After you!”

* * *

 

Lena is full of jittery energy as she jumps from the ladder into the hot room below. Kara had mentioned that this was likely the boiler room, and she should probably be nervous about exploring the restricted bowels of the ship, but all she feels is a glowing warmth diffusing her chest. Despite the genuine danger they were running from, tearing through the ship with Kara had been exhilarating. Looking around, Lena sees rows of glowing furnaces, each with a sooty worker shoveling coal into it. Men weave between boilers with wheelbarrows, and the whole place seems to thunder with the roar of the flames, all on full blast. The air is thick with smoke, so much so that nobody seems to notice as Kara steps down from the ladder as well.

They don’t stay unnoticed for long. As Lena steadies Kara after her descent, a large man with a broad accent and a clipboard does a double-take and calls out in alarm.

“Hold on – what are you two doin’ down here?”

He steps towards them, but they’re already gone – Lena grabs a fistful of Kara’s shirt and drags her in the opposite direction, sprinting as fast as her legs will carry her. She reaches back blindly, and Kara’s hand immediately finds hers.

“You shouldn’t be down here! It could be dangerous – OY!”

Together they run between the hot boilers and past rows of bewildered men who turn to watch as they streak by, Kara in her now-damp new shirt and Lena with her white and blue dress billowing behind her like a cape. Kara jumps over a pile of coal and dodges a wheelbarrow, yelling encouragement as they pass.

“Carry on! Don’t mind us, you’re all doing a great job, keep up the good work!” Lena marvels at Kara’s genuine enthusiasm. From now on, this is the only way she wants to approach her life – headfirst, and hand in hand with Kara.

Somehow, Kara manages to make every minute better than the last.

As they round a corner into a more secluded area, Lena slows down to lean against the wall and catch her breath. Kara, still running, almost wrenches Lena’s arm with her momentum and they come together, laughing. And then they’re kissing, and they’re both sweaty and the air smells like hot metal and Lena feels the low-burning fire inside her flare back into a blaze. As a few workers file by, Lena pulls back slightly, and Kara’s lips trail over her jaw to her ear. They need to find somewhere private, and soon. She wants more than quick, stolen kisses. Kara deserves more.

Kara, for her part, looks completely content.

“Are you okay?

Lena continues to be astounded by just how much that simple sentence makes her feel. She’s never been simply asked how she is before. Not genuinely, at least. Before Kara, nobody has ever cared. She was expected to be something  and she acted the part, pulled along by her family’s machinations and the rules of higher society. Now… Lena honestly can’t think of a time in her life when she was happier than she is right now.

“I’m…perfect, actually.”

“Yeah. You are.” It’s said with such aching sincerity that Lena feels her heart kick an uneven staccato rhythm in response. She can’t laugh it off; all she can do is pull Kara down and kiss her soundly. She tries to pour her feelings into it, tries to tell Kara wordlessly what she’s been aching to say all day.

_I love you. God, I love you._

Eventually, one too many men pass by them making lewd comments and Lena huffs in annoyance. Taking Kara’s hand, she leads her down the hallway.

_There has to be **somewhere**  on this ship we can hide._

As they walk, Lena swings their joined hands back and forth, knowing it will make Kara smile. “So. Today has been an interesting new experience.”

Kara feigns surprise, clutching her chest. “You mean, you’ve never had to sprint through a maze-like ship to escape from an ex-cop hired by your asshole fiancée?”

“No, I can’t say that I have.” Lena chuckles. “Honestly, Kara, these last few days with you…I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun.”

“I’d love to keep making you feel that way, for as long as you’ll let me.” Kara’s light seems to dim slightly at the end of that sentence, and Lena frowns.

_Why is she upset? Does she think -?_

_Oh._  Lena realizes slowly that Kara doesn’t know. She has no idea that Lena has no intention of going back to Mother and Mon-El. Lena thinks back - everything has gone so fast since their kiss on the boat deck, and Kara has no way of guessing the depth of Lena’s feelings. Lena hasn’t told her. For all Kara knows, this is could be just a fling for her, a last-ditch shot of freedom before she settles down to be married.

Lena opens her mouth to say something, _anything_  to reassure her, but Kara interrupts before she can speak.

“Look! I wonder what’s in there?”

In front of them is a large steel door, painted white. Kara tests the handle and it opens easily, revealing a room full of crates and furniture. The door closes behind them with a hiss and a satisfying click.

“Looks like storage. Look at all this stuff!”

Lena does, taking in couches and lamps and boxes of clothing. The room is private enough, and it’s pleasantly cool after the hellish heat of the previous room. Lena is honestly starting to consider just pushing Kara against a wall when she lands on something useful in the centre of the room.

_Perfect._

It’s a huge automobile, painted deep burgundy, with an enclosed cab and large velvet seats. As Kara wanders, Lena makes the snap decision to move a chair under the door handle to block their entrance.  _Just in case._

Catching up to the blonde, Lena hears Kara gasp when she sees the car, and she leads her over to it eagerly.

 “Wow. Look at this! I’ve never even stood near a car this nice.” She runs a gentle finger over the paint, seemingly oblivious to Lena’s thoughts.

_I’ll have to make it more obvious._

Lena clears her throat to get Kara’s attention and summons a haughty expression, looking pointedly at the car door.

Grinning, Kara plays along. She runs up beside Lena and opens the latch, holding out her arm in a fairly decent approximation of a snooty driver. Climbing inside, Lena looks around the interior.  _This will do nicely._

Lena slides the glass partition down and gestures for Kara to join her, but instead of coming inside the car, Kara pulls herself into the front seat. She honks the horn and summons an affected accent.

“Where to, Miss?”

Lena leans forward, wrapping her arms around Kara’s broad shoulders and murmuring in her ear.

“To the stars.”

Kara smiles, and kisses her cheek.

_Okay. I’m done waiting._

Hooking her arms underneath Kara’s, she pulls her into the cab backwards through the window and Kara lands on the seat next to her, giggling. She pulls herself into a sitting position and moves to put an arm around Lena, but Lena is too fast. She slings a leg over Kara’s waist until she’s straddling her lap, her dress hiked up to mid thigh. From this position she’s looking down slightly at Kara, who seems surprised by this development – her eyes are wide, and her hands are hovering somewhere to the side, seeming afraid to touch Lena without permission.

_And I thought she was the experienced one._

“Am I making you nervous?” Lena murmurs, leaning close.

“What? No! No. I’m not…are you nervous?”

Lena smiles and takes one of Kara’s hovering hands in hers. “No. Not with you.” Raising it to her mouth, Lena slowly kisses each calloused fingertip. Kara’s fingers are so strong – artist’s hands. Lena wants them on her body. She trails her lips down to her palm, her eyes never leaving Kara’s face. Kara’s eyes are wide, her mouth slightly agape as she watches Lena’s tongue dart out to swirl around her index finger.

Swallowing hard, her heart pounding, green eyes connect with blue.

“Put your hands on me, Kara.”

She leads Kara’s hand to her breast and pushes, arching into the touch and gasping at the unexpectedly intense sensation. Kara’s other hand lands on her lower back, and Kara seems to lose her nervousness as she pulls her in for a hard kiss. It’s messy and fast, Kara’s teeth pulling hard at Lena’s lower lip, and Lena’s breath starts to come in harsh pants as Kara’s other hand slides from her breast to her bare thigh.

Kara jerks Lena’s hips forward to slot against her own, and Lena gasps into the kiss.  _Yes._ She wants Kara to pull her in, take charge. She wants to feel Kara’s skin.

She reaches suddenly shaking hands down to Kara’s chest, fumbling slightly as she pulls at the buttons on her shirt. She feels one of them fly off and land on the floor, but she hardly cares as more of Kara is revealed. Underneath, she’s wearing a loose black fabric over her breasts. Lena is almost distracted by Kara’s teeth scraping over her neck, and her hips buck involuntarily as she wonders if it will leave a mark.  _God, I hope it does._

But Lena is determined to finish what she started. She pulls back slightly, and she’s met with a picture she wishes she could memorize forever. Kara looks  _debauched_. Her lips are swollen and red, her shirt ripped open but still hanging off her shoulders, and her glasses are nowhere to be found, flung to the floor somewhere when Lena had been frustrated by Kara’s buttons. She looks up at Lena like she wants to devour her.

Lena echoes the sentiment. Kara’s bare shoulders are just as delicious as she remembers, and the definition extends to the rest of her torso. Her abs are flexing with every breath, and Lena reaches out to touch, running her fingers along the muscle as Kara shivers. Her hand moves up to Kara’s binding, pulling it until Kara’s breasts are revealed, dusky and full and  _perfect._ She cups one experimentally, runs a thumb over Kara’s nipple, and Kara’s hips arch in response.

“ _Fuck,_  Lena –“

Before she can continue, Kara is surging forward. She gathers the material of Lena’s dress and pulls it off and over her head – distantly Lena hears a seam rip, but it’s overridden when most of her brain shuts down at the feeling of Kara’s bare chest against hers. Their nipples brush, sending jolts of electricity to settle directly between Lena’s thighs. Lena is intimately aware of the single piece of fabric that now separates her from Kara, the material already soaked through.

The car gets hotter as they move, the windows fogging slowly as they pant and grind together. Kara’s blunt nails leave red trails down Lena’s thighs as she pulls her hips even closer, spreading her legs  _indecently_  wide. This is already so different from anything Lena has experienced before, and she’s overwhelmed with sensation.

Instinct takes over when Kara takes one of Lena’s nipples in her mouth. Lena shouts to the ceiling, her back arching – she’s never felt like this,  _never_ \- there’s something building inside her already and she feels like she’s going to shake apart with the intensity of it, come loose at the seams to make room for this huge and unthinkable feeling.

Searching for relief, Lena starts to grind herself on Kara’s abs, making desperate little noises as she holds the back of Kara’s head in place. Kara switches sides, leaving the other nipple slick and aching. Lena wraps her own fingers around it and her hips jolt forward.

How had she not known that it could be like this?

Kara moves Lena’s hand and replaces it with her own, and she feels like she could cry at how good this feels – nothing could be better than this. Nothing.

That is, until Kara pulls back to lean her forehead against Lena’s, her hand making its way down to stroke Lena’s inner thighs.

Kara is reverent, and she murmurs praise as her fingers move closer to Lena’s centre. “You’re beautiful, Lena, you’re so beautiful,  _god,_  I want to touch you, can I –“

Lena, gasping, takes Kara’s hand, pulls her underwear to the side, and pushes Kara’s hand to where she needs it. 

And, there.

 _Yes_.

This, Kara’s fingers sliding over her, chests pressed together in the heat of the car, panting into each other’s mouths, this is it. This is perfect.

Lena can barely speak, can barely think. She’s breathless, needing more but reduced to broken sentences by the passes of Kara’s wet fingers.

“Kara – please, I want you – I want you inside me – _Kara_ –“

The name comes out in a moan as Kara slips a finger inside, and Lena’s nails dig hard into Kara’s shoulders. She’s so wet that Kara slides in easily, and the knowledge that Kara, her Kara, is buried inside her is intoxicating. She needs more.

She starts to move her hips, urging Kara to get deeper, and as she slides slowly in and out, Lena feels tears of relief fill her eyes at the sheer  _rightness_ of this.

She moans brokenly into Kara’s mouth, practically sobbing now. “Kara, please, more,  _god please more –_ “ And now Kara is moaning too. She adds another finger, and Lena can feel the slight stretch. A reminder - Kara is inside me,  _Kara is inside me._

Kara’s thumb slots over Lena’s clit and suddenly Lena’s hips are moving of their own accord, riding Kara’s hand frantically. Kara seems to love it, groaning and leaning back to watch. Lena feels herself react to that, to Kara watching her lose control like this - she’s climbing higher and higher, she’s  _so close._ She’s not even aware of forming words but she can hear them spilling from her mouth, “Don’t stop, don’t stop, oh  _god, Kara –“_

Kara flexes her fingers as she thrusts, once, twice, three times, and Lena is flying.

Lena can feel the tears on her face as her entire body seems to release a pressure she didn’t know she was holding. It’s deeper than anything she's felt before - magnified, concentrated, made manifestly physical. It lights her body up to the tips of her fingers. It seems endless, drawn out by the small movements of Kara’s hand.

When she starts becoming aware of her body again, Kara is kissing every inch of exposed skin she can reach. She whispers Lena’s name like a prayer over her jaw and chin and kisses the tears from her cheeks as Lena touches the earth again. She buries her face in Kara’s neck, catching her breath as she tries to stop the trembling in her limbs.

Kara speaks first.

“Are you all right?”

Lena laughs, harder than she intended to. It feels natural. She gently bites Kara’s shoulder, tasting the salt of her skin, and kisses the pink indent her teeth leave behind. “Do you really need to ask?”

“Hey, I like to make sure.” Kara eases Lena’s face out of its safe spot and kisses her, slow and languid. Her legs shift slightly, jarring the fingers that are still buried inside Lena, and Lena gasps at the feeling.

Kara grins. “Do you think, uh…do you think you could go again?”

 _“Again?”_ Lena starts, surprised. “Do people do that?”

Kara giggles. “Of course! You can do it as many times as you want, until you get too sore. Have you never -?”

“No, I was always at risk of being caught. I had to hurry.”

Kara hums in acknowledgement, busy kissing and nipping her way up Lena’s throat again.

“So, you’ve…?” Lena asks haltingly. She doesn’t necessarily want to hear details of Kara’s past liaisons, but she has to admit that she’s curious.

“Mhmm. My record is 7.”

Kara flexes her hand, and Lena gasps, feeling her libido come roaring back. She swallows.

“And – you want to?”

“Lena, if you let me, I would do this forever.” 

Lena feels herself clench on Kara’s fingers at the idea, and she feels light.  _Forever._

“I – I think I can handle that.”

Kara beams.

She eases her fingers out slowly and Lena whimpers at the loss, but she’s distracted when Kara flips them over in an impressive show of strength. She sits Lena on the seat, and slides down to her knees. 

“Kara, what are you doing?” Lena’s voice is unsteady.

Kara doesn’t answer. She slides Lena’s underwear down and kisses along her stomach, nipping and leaving small pink marks. Lena hopes they never fade.

As Kara’s mouth moves further down, Lena has a dawning realization of Kara’s intent. The tight pressure in her body returns, and Kara has barely touched her yet. Kara takes one of Lena’s legs and slings it over her shoulder, and Lena’s toes curl in anticipation.

Then Kara is spreading her further apart, licking her inner thighs. They’re slick already from before, and Kara groans at the taste, and Lena can’t breathe, it’s so hot in here and Kara is going to put her  _mouth –_  

At the first touch of Kara’s tongue, Lena’s hand fists in her hair, her hips arching off the seat.

_“Kara!”_

* * *

 

Lena. Lena.  _Lena._

Kara’s senses are on overload, each filled to the brim with the beautiful woman in front of her. The car smells like sex, the windows completely fogged as Lena’s hips grind against Kara’s mouth, and Kara is starting to have trouble following their erratic movements. She pushes them back down with her forearm, and the controlling move seems to make Lena even more frenzied - Lena arches into the rough touch, one hand in Kara’s hair and the other in her own as she bites down on the skin of her own arm in an attempt to quiet her voice.

And taste – God. Lena tastes  _incredible._ Kara can’t get enough. She knows that she’s teasing her by dipping down to Lena’s entrance so often instead of concentrating her efforts where Lena really needs her, but she can’t help herself.

Kara had thought, minutes ago, that watching Lena come riding her hand had been the most erotic thing she had ever experienced, but this was quickly rocketing up to the top of the list. Lena hadn’t even touched her yet, and Kara was embarrassingly close to the edge just from watching her.

Lena’s thighs are trembling uncontrollably on either side of Kara’s head, and she’s slipped her hips almost entirely off the seat in an effort to get closer to Kara’s mouth. She’s desperate and wild, almost unrestrained as the hand that isn’t currently fisted in Kara’s hair slams into the car window beside her in an attempt to gain some sort of purchase. It leaves a streaky handprint in the condensation as it slides back down.

Lena is close, Kara can feel it in her bowstring-tight body and hear it in her voice, a chorus of pleas mixed with Kara’s name – “Kara, please, I need,  _I need_  –“

Kara knows what she needs.

She focuses her attention slightly higher up and slips two fingers inside her, curling them on the upstroke.

Lena  _screams_ – her body lifts off the seat as she pulls Kara’s mouth closer, and Kara has never seen anything hotter in her life, Lena is fluttering madly around her fingers and Kara’s mouth floods with her release and Kara is close too, so close, she could come just from this –  _oh my god, I’m coming._

With a surprised squeak, Kara feels herself hurtle over the edge, riding out her own orgasm as Lena comes down from hers. Her heart beats wildly and Lena might have a hand-shaped bruise on her hip from the tightness of Kara’s grip. She has to pull her mouth away to heave a few deep breaths. She's clenching around nothing, her hips moving subtly as she leans her cheek on Lena’s thigh.

_She didn’t even touch me. I didn’t even have my **pants** off._

“Holy  _shit,_ Lena.” Kara mutters, lifting her head to drink in the sight of her. Lena’s hair is tangled on one side, and teeth-shaped pink marks litter her belly and thighs. Her legs, still slung over Kara’s shoulders, are still quivering. She looks wrecked, and completely stunning. “I mean…God.”

Lena seems beyond words at the moment, her only response a muffled groan as she slides down the seat to lie on her back, her hands over her face.

Still shaking slightly with aftershocks, Kara pulls herself up to lie beside her. Lena immediately pulls Kara on top of her, wrapping her legs around her and nuzzling her shoulder and collarbone like a contented cat. Then, seeming to notice the scrape of Kara’s pants on her sensitive skin, Lena pulls away and looks down, her face scrunched up in adorable confusion.

“You’re…still wearing pants.”

Kara laughs quietly and kisses her forehead. “Mhmm. You never took them off of me.”

Lena huffs. “Well, take them off.”

“I’m not going to take them off if we’re going to be leaving soon.”

Lena scoffs. “Who says we’ll be leaving soon? I haven’t gotten my turn yet.”

Kara can feel a hot blush creeping up her neck. “Uh. Well, you sort of did, actually.”

“What? I didn’t even touch you.”

“No, you didn’t. And yet…”

Lena gasps, looking incredibly pleased with herself. “So you…” She gestures vaguely downwards, and Kara laughs again. “Just from watching?”

“Yes, Lena, I came. It’s never happened like that, before. My pants were still on, so I wasn’t even touching myself.”

Lena’s eyes darken. “And if you hadn’t had pants on, would you have…”

“Would I have what?” Kara teases. Hearing Lena say the words is infinitely more fun.

Lena flushes, now. “Would you have…touched yourself?”

“Absolutely, yeah. I would have come in seconds. Watching you,  _tasting_  you, was...” Kara trails off, biting her lip.

“…do you want to go again?”

 _"God,_ yes _.”_

* * *

 

As they burst out of the doors and into the cold April air, Lena feels like she’s on top of the world. Seeing Kara, looking at her hands and her lips and remembering where they had been only half an hour ago, sets Lena on fire all over again. She had finally gotten to explore Kara's body properly, and Kara has already been inside her four times –  _four times, in one night –_ but she feels like she could keep going. They likely would have, had they not heard voices from behind the door. Thankfully Lena’s chair trick had worked for a few moments, giving them enough time to throw their clothes on haphazardly and slip out of the car. They had snuck out of the room while the two crewmen were looking inside it, and Lena felt a sense of almost-shameful satisfaction at the knowledge that someone knew what they had done there.

Kara’s shirt is buttoned wrong and Lena’s dress is still open at the back and they’re laughing together, holding hands, high on the adrenaline of their activities and their narrow escape.

“Did you see their faces? They thought we were still in there. God, can you imagine?”

Lena looks at Kara. She’s carefree, laughing, and so, so beautiful.

“Kara, listen. I need to tell you something.” Kara stops, looking worried. 

“Of course. What is it?”

Lena pauses, the weight of her decision hitting her as Kara pulls her close. The finality. Drinking in Kara’s face, her soft lips, the sweet crinkle at her brow as she gazes down in concern, her strong hands softly cupping her jaw.

She's never felt more free in her life.

“Kara, when we dock in New York…I’m getting off with you.”

Kara blinks once, twice. Opens her mouth for a moment.

“…What?”

“I’m leaving with you. I don’t care what I need to do to get away from Mon-El and mother, but I’ll do it. I’m coming with you.”

“Lena –“

“If you don’t want me, I understand. But I want you, Kara. I feel like…like before I met you, I was sleeping. Everything blurred together, one day to the next. And now I’m awake, and I can’t go back. I’ve been waiting my whole life for you, Kara Danvers.” Lena feels breathless as she opens her heart to Kara. 

Kara gazes down at her, tears forming in her eyes. “You’re serious? You want to come with me?”

“More than anything.”

Suddenly, Lena is swept into a tight hug, Kara’s strong arms squeezing her tightly. She laughs, raising her feet and letting Kara lift her up towards the stars. “So, what do you think?”

Kara pulls back, beaming, eyes shiny and bright. “Are you kidding me?  _Yes!_  God, Lena, I’ve been so worried about what was going to happen when we dock, how I was going to live without you, and now – you want to come with me!”

“You thought I would leave?” Lena touches her forehead to Kara’s, breathing in her comforting scent, reveling in her answer.

“I-I don’t know – Alex said you might just be bored, and that you could leave and forget about me, and I didn’t believe her, but after this morning, in the back of my head – I thought that maybe you didn’t feel the same way I did, or you’d miss your old life – “

Lena slides her hands up Kara’s neck and into her hair, pulling her so that they’re nose to nose, eyes locked.

“Never, Kara. Do you hear me? I will never be tired of you. I’ve made my decision. You’re stuck with me now.” Lena feels tears well in her eyes as Kara’s sunbeam smile lights up her face, the only face in the universe that Lena ever wants to look at again.

Kara pulled her in for a deep kiss, picking her up and swinging her around until she breaks off in peals of laughter.

“I love you, Lena.” Kara murmurs it into her neck, and it’s quiet enough that Lena almost doesn’t process the words. But she feels Kara tense for a moment, just long enough for Lena to realize what was said, before she starts to kiss Lena’s neck fervently. It’s obvious that Kara is trying to brush it off, but she said it.  _She loves me._

“Kara?”

Kara pointedly ignores her, continuing with her (admittedly distracting) kisses.

“ _Kara.”_

Kara pulls away, red-faced, and starts talking a mile a minute. “Right, so, we should go see Alex and Maggie! Maggie told me not to give up on you, you know, I think she’d be really excited to hear –“

She trails off at Lena’s arched eyebrow, and buries her head in Lena’s neck again, groaning.

“Can’t we just forget I said anything?”

Lena pulls gently on Kara’s hair, dipping her head until Kara makes eye contact. “No, we can’t. Because…because I love you, too.”  _Finally._ Lena feels a weight lift from her shoulders.

Kara blinks a few times.

“You…do?”

“Yes.”

“You love me. Like,  _love me?_ ”

Lena rolls her eyes affectionately. “ _Yes,_ Kara. Is that so hard to believe?”

Kara gapes. “Um. Yes? I mean, you’re – you! You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met, and you’re beautiful, and you’re leaving your entire life behind for me,  _and_ you love me?”

“Well, you’re right about half of those things, at least.”

Kara’s smile is growing, slowly threatening to split her whole face. “So…you really love me.”

“Yes!” Lena shouts, laughing, and kisses Kara quickly. “I love you, Kara Danvers.” Kara lifts her again, squeezing her hard, caught up in this moment of revelation, and Lena feels like her heart could burst.

Lena should have known, in retrospect, that such a perfect moment couldn’t last.

Above them, Lena notes distantly that a bell is ringing. Caught up in Kara’s lips, she ignores it until she hears the yelling. The lookouts are screaming about something, and a small commotion starts up in the officer’s quarters to their left.

“What do you think is happening?” Kara seems more curious than concerned, but Lena’s stomach is dropping. The happiness of the last few hours is evaporating quickly. She thinks back to her vision before boarding the ship, of some great catastrophe. She feels the same ominous dread that filled her after her conversation with the Captain earlier. 

The ship is going so fast.

Lena starts walking, leaving Kara trailing behind her worriedly as she approaches the rail and looks over the side. In front of them, too close for comfort, is a looming white mass.

_Oh, god._

She hears Kara gasp beside her. “Is that -?”

“An iceberg.” Lena’s voice shakes as the mountain looms closer.

“Why aren’t we turning?” Kara sounds scared, now. She grips Lena’s arm, pulling her close, as if she can protect Lena from the inevitable.

J’onn’s voice echoes in her head.  _“An uncommonly large ship, and the rudder is comparatively small...”_

“Kara, move back.” The iceberg is almost on them, now; the ship has started to turn, but not enough. Not enough.

“What?”

Lena pulls Kara’s arm, urging her away from the railing. “Get back from the railing. We’re going to –“

Before she can finish, there’s a noticeable grinding sound, and a tremor shakes the floor. Kara immediately pulls her close, shielding Lena with her own body from the huge chunks of ice that spray the deck. The grinding continues for a long time – too long. Over the railing, the iceberg glides by rapidly.

Kara slowly lets her go, gazing at the deck in shock. Lena steps around the ice to look over the rail at the point of impact. Far below, there doesn’t seem to be any visible damage to the upper parts of the ship. The damage is below the water.

“We hit it.”

“Yes.” Lena is shaken. “Icebergs are larger below the surface. It might have broken the hull, under the water. We were going too fast. I doubt the ship will keep moving much longer.”

“Lena…the hold is below the water. That’s where we just were.”

Lena nods shakily. She thinks of all those workers in the boiler rooms, exactly where the ice would have buckled the hull, and feels ill.

“We need to find J’onn.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall in that car. 
> 
> The next update will be in a few days, and buckle up, kids, because it’s going to get angsty for a few chapters! Again, though, all our mains will have happy endings together, I promise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I only want what’s best for you, dear. Come with us. It’s not too late, Lena. I love you.” Lillian’s words are warm, but her eyes are cold. Always cold.
> 
> You don’t love me, Lena thinks. You never did. But Kara does.
> 
> Slowly, Lena shakes her head. For better or worse, her life is with Kara now.
> 
> “Goodbye, mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ship is sinking, and our girls are in trouble.
> 
> Some sad stuff up ahead, but nothing surprising if you’ve seen the film, with the exception of one thing! I want to warn you guys in case anyone wants to skip it – Alex gets hurt in this chapter as part of the movie plot, but she’ll be fine! No dead lesbians on this ship, I promise. But feel free to skip that part if you don't want to read it!

Nobody seems worried.

As they make their way through the first-class section, everything is business as usual – the men stand smoking cigars and drinking, the women sit in cliques gossiping and sharing late-night cups of tea. Kara keeps close to her side. “Did nobody notice we hit a giant chunk of ice?”

Lena shrugs. “Either that, or they assume the ship is truly unsinkable.”

Behind them, a group of terse officers walk in a group, speaking frantically in low voices. Among them is the captain and, beside him J’onn. He’s holding an armful of papers, likely the plans to the ship. He looks tense and worried. Lena’s anxiety heightens. Gesturing to Kara to be quiet, she edges them towards the group.

“Boiler room 6 is flooded over 8 feet, and the cargo hold is worse. She’s all buckled in along the forward hull.” “Can you shore her up? Stop the flow?” “Not unless the pumps get ahead. We hit it hard, sir, and a long way down the hull.” “Can you see the damage in the hold?” “No, sir, it’s already underwater.” “How many are flooded?” The group moves on, the conversation getting more grim as they walk.

Kara looks pale. “This is bad.”

Lena nods. “I want to know how bad. Let’s follow them.” They trail behind the group, who seem too preoccupied to notice them, until they all crowd into a small officer’s room. As J’onn lays out the ship plans on a large table, Maxwell Lord bustles in behind them in his pyjamas and slippers, hardly sparing a glance for Lena and Kara as he ties his dressing gown. “What exactly is the meaning of this, Captain? Calling me out of my bed in the dead of night –“

J’onn starts speaking over him. As he explains the extent of the flooding, Lena feels fear grip her. J’onn sounds hopeless. His hands shake as hard as his voice as he describes how the water will flood the ship.

“She can stay afloat with the first 4 compartments flooded, but not five. And we breached five. Five compartments are open to the ocean.”

“When can we get underway, damn it?” Maxwell Lord’s pompous voice cuts in. Lena feels seething hatred fill her at his tone. She remembers speaking to the Captain on their tour this morning _– “I spoke to Mr. Lord, and he thinks we can make it to New York by Tuesday morning._ ”. She clenches her fists. _He has no idea. He did this, and he has no idea we’re going to sink._

J’onn cuts him off angrily. “The water will spill over the watertight bulkheads and fill E-Deck, back, and back, until the bow goes under and the stern follows. There’s no stopping it. From this moment, no matter what we do, Titanic will sink.”

Mr. Lord sputters indignantly. “This ship can’t sink!”

“She’s made of iron, sir. I assure you, she can, and she will. It’s a mathematical certainty.” J’onn’s voice is hard as flint. It’s clear what he thinks of Maxwell Lord.

“How much time?” The Captain’s smoother tones cut in.

“An hour. Two at most.” A few beats of silence follow the prognosis.

“And how many aboard?”

“2200 souls on board, sir.”

The Captain’s voice has lost it’s smoothness, now. It practically shakes with anger. “I believe you may get your headlines, Mr. Lord.”

Kara squeezes her hand, hard enough to cut off her circulation. Lena squeezes back. Gradually the men file out, all looking ashen and shocked, until finally J’onn emerges.

“Mr. J’onzz?” Lena steps forward, and J’onn looks at her for a moment as if he’s never seen her before. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Finally, recognition crosses his face. “Miss Luthor…”

“J’onn, is it true? What you said in there?” Lena knows it is. She knows it, but somehow she needs J’onn to tell her directly.

J’onn looks torn, as if the wound to the ship was inflicted onto him as well. “Yes. This ship will sink. In an hour, or so. All this will be at the bottom of the Atlantic.”

“You’re certain? Is there anyone responding to the distress call?”

“4 hours away.” His shoulders seem weighted with the implication of that knowledge.

 _Oh…oh no._ “I see.”

“Tell only who you must. I don’t want to be responsible for a panic. And get to a boat. Quickly. Don’t wait. You remember what we discussed, about the boats?”

Lena feels ill again. “Yes. I understand.” J’onn nods, and turns to follow the Captain.

Beside her, Kara is looking confused. “What about the boats?”

“There aren’t enough for everyone on board. Less than half. Over half of the people on this boat will end up in the water.”

Kara gapes. “But – they’ll all die! Hypothermia sets in after 30 minutes in water this cold…Lena, anyone who goes in this water will die before the rescue ship comes.”

With a feeling of sickening recognition, Lena knows who will be put on lifeboats first. The lifeboats are all stored along the first-class promenade deck.

“How is this possible? How can there not be enough boats?” Kara looks stricken, overwhelmed with this new and terrible knowledge. She sees the conflict in her eyes – the desire to help. But there’s nothing she can do. There’s nothing any of them can do, except try to survive.

“I don’t know. But we need to get to a boat, before people start to realize. They’ll board first class passengers, and then all women and children.”

Kara nods, and her face sets with grim determination. “I need to find Alex.”

“The quickest way is to cut through the ballroom. Come on.” They head in that direction, their hands clutched firmly together.

This is a workable plan. Go find Alex and the rest of Kara’s friends, get them onto a boat. Lena takes a deep breath as they enter the huge space. _It’s going to be fine._ She tries not to think about James and Winn, and the likelihood of them having to stay behind.

_Focus on the plan._

Her stomach drops when she sees two figures on the other side of the room, speaking to the master-at-arms and a few guards. Mon-El and Lillian.

_Shit._

She stops dead, unsure of what to do. _Should we run?_ Beside the pair, she sees Jess standing off to the side. Oh god, Jess. She had almost forgotten about Jess. Their eyes meet, and Jess’ widen briefly as she starts shaking her head, her eyes flicking nervously between Lena and Mon-El. Her expression is clear – _go back. Get out. Run._

Noticing that Lena is standing still, Kara stops and looks at her worriedly. “Lena? Are you okay?”

At Kara’s voice, Mon-El’s head snaps up. To Lena’s confusion, his look of surprise morphs into a look of smug satisfaction, and he nods in their direction. Before she can ponder this further, a large hand grasps her arm and rips it out of Kara’s grip. Looking behind her, Lena sees that the hand belongs to Corben, and he also has a firm hold of Kara.

“What are you doing? Let us go –“ Her protests fall on deaf ears as Corben pulls them both towards the last two people on earth that Lena wants to see right now. As they approach, Mon-El’s eyes meet Lena’s, and she’s worried to see that he looks almost happy.

_What is he planning?_

As soon as they’re close enough, Mon-El seizes Kara. “Lena, darling. I’m glad you found us. I have been robbed. Corben, search this woman.”

“What?!” Kara tries to pull herself out of his grip. “What are you talking about? I didn’t steal anything.”

The master-at-arms moves to help Mon-El, gripping Kara’s other arm firmly. “You again, hm? Troublemaker. Don’t worry, if she’s stolen from you, we’ll put her away.”

Corben reaches deep into the pocket of Kara’s pants. Smiling knowingly, he pulls out something long and shiny, with a heavy blue stone at the end. The necklace. Lena blinks. Looking at Kara, she seems equally confused. “Kara, what -?”

“Clearly, she’s a con artist.” Mon-El says matter-of-factly. “She’s duped you. She must have memorized the combination to the safe when you opened it to put in your…drawing.”

Kara shakes her head imploringly, still struggling. “Lena, I didn’t! I swear, I didn’t. You were with me the whole time!”

Lena turns to Mon-El indignantly. “We’ve been together since dinnertime, she couldn’t have.”

“Perhaps when you were putting your clothes back _on_.”

Lena glares at him. “She was with me then, too.” Mon-El’s jaw twitches.

As the master-at-arms puts cuffs on Kara, her voice starts to get more panicked. “Lena, you know me, trust me. I didn’t do this!” _She couldn’t have. She wouldn’t. I love her. How could -?_

Just then, Corben moves from behind Kara to stand with Mon-El, and it clicks.

“You unimaginable bastard…you planted it.”

Corben had approached from behind them, after Mon-El nodded to him. He must have slipped it into her pocket.

The reality hits Lena like a thunderclap. They’re going to take Kara away and put her down in the brig on E-Deck…and E-Deck is going to flood first.

“Lena, language.” Lillian chides from the sidelines, and Lena flinches at the reminder of her presence. “Put her in chains, sir. We’ll take Lena with us.”

Lena starts forward. “No! She didn’t –“ But Mon-El grabs her around the waist. He leans close, and murmurs in her ear. “Calm down, and accept it, Lena. She’s finished. You’re coming with me.”

Lena feels desperate panic kick in. As the master-at-arms hauls Kara up to lead her towards the elevators, he wrenches Kara’s arms backwards, and she cries out in pain.

“Don’t hurt her!” Lena struggles against Mon-El’s grip, kicking her legs out. _They can’t take her, they can’t take her, they can’t -_

She turns to Mon-El, frantic. “Please – the ship is sinking! If they put her in the keel, she’ll die, please!”

Kara is struggling as she’s pulled away. She rears up and her elbow hits the master-at-arms, who retaliates with a hard knee to her lower back. Kara crumples, and Lena screams.

 “ _Please!_ I’ll come with you, I’ll do anything! Just let her go!” She’s almost sobbing now, unable to control her voice as Kara is taken away from her. _God, no, don’t take her away – she can’t die on me -_

Her pleas are useless. Mon-El only watches smugly as Kara is removed. As she’s dragged around the corner, Kara shouts back to her.

“Lena! Lena – I love you, okay? It’s gonna be okay. I love you.”

And then she’s gone.

Mon-El’s grip on her slackens, and Lena wriggles out of it, turns sharply, and puts all of her strength into her first proper punch. Her fist connects with his cheekbone and, surprised by the hit, Mon-El falls backwards and onto the floor. Lena registers that she should probably feel pain, but all she feels is adrenaline.

Lillian stares at her in disbelief. Before Lena can turn to run after Kara, Mon-El heaves himself back up and grabs her roughly by the shoulders.

“Listen here, you little _slut –“_ Lena sees his hand raise in a fist, and she closes her eyes, preparing for the pain. Before it can come, she hears Lillian interject.

“Don’t bother, dear. Corben, take her.”

Rough hands cuff her wrists, pulling her arms behind her back. Lena’s heart is pounding, and every beat reminds her that Kara is being taken further and further away, into the part of the ship that will be underwater in 30 minutes time. Every thud is a chorus, building until it’s all she can hear - _No, no, no, **NO** -_

Mon-El and Lillian are heading to one of the nearby crowds, where a crewman is handing out lifebelts. Corben drags her behind. Jess, walking behind Lillian, keeps turning back to look at Lena, tears in her eyes. She looks painfully apologetic, like she wants to ignore her orders and help her somehow, but Lena knows that Lillian would make her life hell if she did. Lena can’t be upset with her – there’s nothing she could have done.

Everyone seems to be milling about, and the atmosphere is calm. The band plays a jaunty tune nearby, as if this room and everyone in it won’t be underwater in an hour. Lena’s panic doubles at the reminder of the urgency at hand. As she struggles fruitlessly against Corben’s steel grip, Lena’s eyes land on what might very well be her last hope.

Cat Grant stands with a nearby crowd, one of the few people in the room who has her lifebelt secured beneath her warm fur coat. She looks calculating, and slightly worried. Lena wonders if she knows what’s happening, or is just smart enough to guess.

Lena knows that calling out to her will draw too much attention, alert Mon-El and Lillian to her intentions. They can easily drag her out into the crowd on deck and disappear. Struggling harder, she tries to make a lot of movement instead. She stares at Cat, willing her to notice.

Finally, Cat’s eyes flick over in her direction. Lena struggles more, and Corben tugs hard on her arms. Her shoulders ache in protest, but she keeps going. She’d go through anything, any pain, if it meant getting to Kara in time.

Cat’s eyes run over the scene - Mon-El developing a black eye, Lillian idly fanning herself, and Lena struggling against Corben, panic painfully evident in her face. Cat’s brow furrows, and then her expression smooths into exactly what Lena needs right now - anger. She stalks over, and Lena steels herself.

“Lillian. Is your daughter truly so sick of your presence that you have to _restrain_ her? I would say I’m surprised, but…” Cat’s tone is acerbic, her hands on her hips as Lillian stiffens and turns around to face her.

“This is none of your business, Catherine.” Lillian is a master at schooling her expression, but Lena can see the cracks. Lillian is angry, and worried. Cat scares her. Lena’s hopes rise.

“Lena, are they keeping you against your will?” Cat’s voice is softer now, and genuinely concerned. Lena can’t help it – words spill out of her, jumbled in her haste.

“Yes, _yes_ – Cat, they took Kara, they framed her and they took her, the ship is sinking and she’ll drown, please, you have to help –“ Cat holds up a hand.

“Lena, calm down. What are you talking about?”

Lena takes a breath, and starts over. “They made it look like Kara stole something, but she didn’t, they framed her. They took her to the brig. The ship is sinking, Cat.” Lena’s voice lowers, shaking as Corben’s hands cut off her circulation. “In an hour, the ship will be gone. And there aren’t enough boats. I have to help her, Cat, please. Please.” She can’t stop the tears from falling as she openly begs.

If Cat is shocked at the news, she doesn’t show it. She nods, and Lena almost falls to her knees in relief.

Turning back to Lillian, Cat walks towards her until there’s hardly any space between them. Despite being almost a full foot shorter, Cat radiates confidence, and even Mon-El seems to balk at her presence. When she speaks, it’s in a deadly whisper.

“I think that you and I both know just how easily I could destroy your very tenuous reputation, Lillian. One call – that’s all it would take. I have a media empire that reaches half the known world. And you…you have a stained legacy, and a daughter who despises you.” A satisfied smile spreads over her face as Lillian’s fist clench. “Let her go, and I might decide to be merciful.”

Precious seconds tick by in silence. Cat’s eyes never leave Lillian’s, and Lena waits breathlessly for her fate.

Finally, Lillian breaks.

“Corben…release her.”

Immediately, Mon-El protests. “Lillian – you’re going to let her go?! After all that – she’s _my fiancee_ –“ But Corben has already released Lena’s wrists, and she stumbles away, Cat steadying her before she hits the floor.

“Cat – thank you. You didn’t have to do that, and you put yourself on the line for me. I owe you -”

“Oh, please.” Cat brushes her off. “I’ve been waiting to give Lillian what she deserves since I found out she was on this ship. Now, where is Kara?” She seems deeply concerned.

“I’m not sure. Somewhere on E-Deck. I don’t know where they keep people under arrest, and the ship – E-Deck will flood, and she’ll – she’ll –“ Lena feels her breath coming in shorter gasps, and Cat puts a hand on her back.

“Breathe, Lena. I don’t know where she’s being kept, but J’onn will. I just saw him in the billiards room, handing out lifebelts. Find him. And then get in a boat. I’ve grown uncommonly attached to the two of you, and I’d hate for you to drown.” Cat puts a quick hand to her cheek, and then seems to remember herself and straightens, her face turning haughty again. “Now, go.”

Lena nods. Looking back towards Lillian, she wishes she could take Jess with her, but she knows that she’ll be better off where she is. She’ll get on a lifeboat and be safe. Jess seems to recognize this, and offers Lena a small smile. A goodbye. Lena returns it.

_Thank you, for everything._

She turns to head towards the billiards room, but Lillian’s voice stops her.

“Lena – please.” Even in her worry for Kara, she can’t help her response. One last time, she turns to hear her out.

“I only want what’s best for you, dear. Come with us. It’s not too late, Lena. I love you.” Lillian’s words are warm, but her eyes are cold. Always cold.

_You don’t love me. You never did. But Kara does._

Slowly, Lena shakes her head. For better or worse, her life is with Kara now.

“Goodbye, mother.”

Without another word, Lena turns, and sprints up the stairs.

* * *

Maggie wakes to loud banging on the door.

“Everyone up! And put your lifebelts on! Lifebelts on, everyone!”

Beside her, Alex sits up, her hair sticking up on one side. “Wha- what’s he on about?”

“Something about lifebelts. Is there a drill or something?” Maggie jumps down from her bunk onto the floor, and almost falls on her ass when she lands in several inches of ice-cold water.

“What the fuck?!”

Alex jumps down too, and yells at the cold. “Jesus! Did a pipe burst or something?”

“I don’t know.” Maggie feels a strange nervousness. She leans down, and dips a hand in the water. Bringing it to her mouth, she tastes salt.

“Shit…it’s saltwater, Alex.” Alex frowns. “It’s not a burst pipe.”

There’s a beat of silence between them, and outside they hear confused voices as the crewmen continue down the hall.

“We should get out of here.”

Quickly, they throw on some clothes, Alex insisting that they both wear sweaters. As they open the door into the flooded hallway they see dozens of people milling about, a few with lifebelts in their hands.

“Where is everyone? Where’s Kara?” Alex is trying to sound casual, but Maggie can hear the worry in her voice.

“I think they were up on deck. I have no idea where Kara is, I haven’t seen her since lunch.”

Alex is tense beside her. “I don’t like this, Mags.”

Walking quickly, they make their way down the hall with the rest of the crowd. “The safest place is probably up on deck. I’m sure someone will know what’s going on.”

As they reach the main stairway to C-Deck, Maggie takes note of the massive crowd forming. The gate is closed and a sweaty crewman is yelling down the stairs at them.

“We need to evacuate first and second class passengers, and then you will be allowed on deck. Please remain calm!”

_Evacuate? They’re evacuating the ship?_

He is noticeably _not_ calm as he says it, and the men on either side of him look similarly spooked.

A few people shout questions from the crowd, as Alex pulls Maggie towards the front.

“Half the rooms are flooded! Are we sinking?”

“Why are we locked up here? Why can’t we go on deck?”

“There are children here, what’s the hold up?”

The man gets more and more stressed with each question. More stressed than he should be. What the hell could be happening?

 “This is only a precaution, please be patient!”

Beside them, someone is whispering to their neighbour about feeling a shudder about 20 minutes ago. Maggie thinks back to the water flooding their bunk.

“I need to check something.”

Before Alex can ask, she’s running back down the hallway towards their room, dodging the crowd. She has a creeping suspicion, but she needs proof. She needs to see it for herself. Their bunk is a fair distance from the stairs, and when she turns the corner to their hallway, the water is deeper. Definitely deeper.

Slowly, she takes a pencil from her pocket and puts it on the floor. Immediately it rolls, picking up speed, until it hits the creeping waterline and floats to the surface.

_Holy shit._

The ship is sinking. It has to be. The whole thing is tilting downwards, filling with saltwater. _And we’ll be the first to go._

_I need to get back to Alex._

Maggie sprints back the way she came, and the sudden fear gripping her lends her speed. When she gets back, the crowd is has gotten bigger. People are agitated, and some have wet feet and bags. They’re still yelling at the harried gate guard and the mood is shifting noticeably from annoyance to anger.

Seeing Alex in the crowd, Maggie fights through frightened families and angry working men to get back to her.

“Alex - I think the ship is going down. Our room is half underwater, and the ship is already on a slant.” Alex is silent for a moment.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s the only explanation.”

Alex looks towards the closed gate, and takes Maggie’s hand determinedly. “Well, if that’s the case, they’re sure as hell not going to keep me from finding my sister. Come on.”

Alex forces her way to the front, dragging Maggie behind her, until they’re only a few rows back from the gate. A man just ahead of them is getting noticeably angry.

“Hey!” He hits the grate. “You need to let us out there. The ship’s bloody sinking!”

The guard is visibly shaken. “You’ll be let out when the first two classes –“

The man interrupts again, shaking the bars. “You can’t lock us down here like animals!”

“Alex, this is bad. This is gonna go south. We need to get back –“ But Alex is being pulled forward by the crowd, and Maggie has to follow. People start to shake the grate, taking the first man’s example.

“Let us out!” Others join in the shouting until half the crowd is incited. Behind them, a few men start trying to rip a bench out of its sockets on the floor. A battering ram.

_This is going to shit._

“Alex, we should get back.” Alex nods, but before they can start to move, three figures come running around the corner on the other side of the grate, nearly crashing into the crewmen as they skid to a stop.

Maggie has never been more relieved to see her best friends.

“Maggie! Alex!” Winn pushes past the guards, his face flushed and worried. “Are you guys okay?”

“We’re fine, but they have us locked down here. Our rooms are already flooded, and it’s getting faster.”

James steps intimidatingly close to one of the guards, towering over him. “Why the hell are they all locked in there? The ship is sinking, they’re loading the lifeboats! You have to let women and children out –“

The man tries to hold his ground. “I was told to keep this locked until the first two classes were loaded –“

“This part of the ship is half underwater already! Let them out!”

The already-anxious crowd latches onto the extra support. The man tries to calm them down, repeating his orders, but the noise just increases. Maggie can tell it’s about to hit a breaking point.

Sure enough, the guard pulls a gun from his waistband and points it at the grate.

“Shit!” Maggie grabs the back of Alex’s shirt and starts trying to pull her back from the grate, but the crowd is too thick.

“Listen, you lot! Get back! I’m warning you –“ The man is screaming now, the gun shaking in his hand, but the crowd is scared, and angry. They keep going.

There’s a surge in movement as the man waves the gun, and in the confusion, she loses her grip on Alex’s shirt. Alex gets pushed to the front again, and Maggie sees her slam into the grate.

The gun goes off.

Immediately crowd panics, and almost everyone near the grate ducks down out of instinct. Everyone, except Alex. She stands, and turns slightly towards Maggie, looking confused. Maggie’s eyes track from her frowning face down, finally landing on the red stain that’s slowly spreading over her shoulder.

_Oh, god, no._

The world slows to a crawl and Maggie sees the scene in slow motion – the guard’s horrified face, the ducking crowd realizing what’s happened, and Alex, still confused, raising a hand to her shoulder. It comes away shaking, and covered in blood.

_“NO!”_

The scream tears itself from her throat, sounding foreign to her ears. She’s never made a sound like that. She’s never felt a _pain_ like this. It feels like something is clawing its way out of her chest, ripping it open and leaving her raw and exposed. She needs to do something, but there’s nothing to do. She tried to protect Alex, and she failed.

Alex finally starts to fall, and Maggie blindly shoves until she reaches her, catching her before she hits the floor. Alex’s face has gone white, but she doesn’t seem to feel it yet – her eyes are unfocused and lost.

“Alex, fuck, why did you do that? Why the fuck did you do that? Why didn’t you move back when I said, huh?” Maggie’s hands tremble uncontrollably as she presses on the wound, trying to stop the flow of blood. Alex still looks confused, her body starting to shake.

“Mags – he – he shot me.” She tries to sit up on her own and cries out in pain, and Maggie eases her back down.

“Just lay back, okay? You’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine, Alex.” She isn’t sure who she’s trying to reassure more – Alex, or herself.

Around them, the crowd is silent. On the other side of the grate the guard looks between the gun and the floor, where Alex’s blood is starting to pool underneath her. Maggie’s vision turns red, and she can’t keep herself from screaming.

“ _What the fuck is wrong with you?_ We just want out! She didn’t do anything wrong and you _shot her_!” Her voice cracks, and she wants to rip the grate down – she wants to beat him with the butt of his own gun until his skull crumbles like chalk. Alex doesn’t deserve this.

“I – I –“ The guard stutters, and the gun clatters to the floor at his feet. He looks ready to run. _No! He can’t, he has to pay –_

Before he can go anywhere, there’s a resounding _thunk,_ and he crumples in a heap on the floor. Behind him is Lucy, with a guard’s nightstick in her hands. The other men look alarmed, and they take a few steps towards her, but she raises the club in warning.

“Take one more step this way, and I’ll do worse.”

They look at each other briefly, and seem to come to a decision. Turning around, they run down the hallway and out of sight.

“Shit. _Shit._ Hold on, Maggie.” Winn is visibly shaking as James searches the unconscious man’s body for the keys, tossing them to Lucy to unlock the gate.

The panicked crowd stampedes out, and Maggie is left holding a barely-conscious Alex in a small pool of blood. James kneels next to her, helping her support Alex’s weight. “We have to get her up on deck, before the boats run out of room.”

Maggie nods. “Fuck. Okay. We have to get you into a boat, Alex. Preferably with a doctor. You’re gonna be fine, okay? You’re not allowed to die on me.”

James sweeps Alex up in a bridal carry, and Maggie holds tight to her hand as her head lolls back. She’s murmuring, through her cries of pain.

“Where’s Kara? Need to…find Kara. Maggie –“

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m sure we’ll find her up on deck. She’s fine, Alex. Kara is fine.”

_God, I hope she’s fine._

* * *

Kara can feel bruises forming where the unexpected knee had connected with her back. She can still hear Lena’s screams, can still see her panic-stricken face as Mon-El held her back by the waist.

Kara comforts herself with the knowledge that, at the very least, Lena knows she didn’t steal the necklace. There hadn’t even been a moment of doubt on her face. She isn’t sure she could handle Lena thinking she was guilty. She burns at the thought of Mon-El’s plot, at his clearly inflated sense of ownership over Lena. She twists her wrists in the cuffs, the pain grounding her as the master-at-arms leads her deeper into the ship.

_Have to get out. Have to get back to Lena._

As they reach E-Deck, Kara feels her fear spike. She remembers what J’onn said about how the ship would sink. Bow first, with water spilling into other compartments through this level. She wonders how fast the water will come.

Shoving her through a door on the left, the master-at-arms links her cuffs over a pipe, effectively trapping her. “You’re not going anywhere.” He seems inordinately angry. “Let you go the other night, when you were assaulting that lady, and now look at you. No thieves on my ship, let me tell you. Not free ones.”

Kara tries to protest. “I didn’t –“

“Shut it!”

He slips the keys into his pocket as another crewman pokes his head around the door. “Sir, you’re needed up on deck. The crowds around the lifeboats are getting rowdy.”

He nods. “Right.” He leaves without a second glance at Kara. She’s left alone, with only the groaning of the ship and her own mounting anxiety to keep her company.

The minutes tick away like hours as the floor gradually starts to slant. Kara reassures herself with one thought – Lena being with her mother means that she’ll be getting on a lifeboat. She’ll be safe. Maybe, Kara thinks apprehensively, Alex will even find her down here. Alex always finds her. She knows Alex won’t leave the ship without her. In the end, the thought ends up bringing Kara more worry than comfort. She wants Alex to be safe, too, not get herself lost in the dangerous areas of the ship just to look for her.

Kara leans her head against the pipe in front of her, looking up at the round porthole window. All she can see is water. This part of the ship has already sunk below the waterline. _And I’m alone here._ She has to accept it now - Alex isn’t coming for her this time. Nobody is.

She hears a trickling sound behind her and she turns to look. Water is leaking slowly under the door and through the cracks, kept at bay only by the downward tilt of the hallway. As she watches, it creeps closer and closer to her feet.

“Shit!” Kara scrambles up onto the wooden desk beside her, and the panic she’d been successfully keeping at bay coming roaring back.  

_I’m going to die here._

In desperation, she wraps her arms around the pipe she’s tied to and tries to wrench it out with her shoulder. She hits it over and over, but it doesn’t budge. _This stupid ship is built too well._ The tries to pulls her hands out of the cuffs, pulling until the skin is raw, to no avail. Even if she dislocated her thumbs, they still wouldn’t slide out. Her struggling in the ballroom had pulled them too tight.

Finally, she starts rattling her cuffs on the bars.

“Hello? Can anybody hear me? I need help! Hello!” Her voice is choked with fear. Of all the ways she thought she might die, slowly and knowingly drowning while chained to a wall was not one of her favourite ideas.

The water is coming faster now, flooding most of the room. It laps at the legs of the desk and rises steadily. Soon, it will reach Kara, and she’ll be stuck. She wonders how long it will take. Whether it will hurt. Sighing in defeat, she leans her head on the pipe.

Her chest aches as she thinks of Lena. _If I die, I want to be thinking of her._

There were so many things that she wanted to do, wanted Lena to see and experience. So many promises she made. She wonders what that life would have been like – finding a place in New York, Lena being able to pursue her dreams. They could have made a new family, together. They couldn’t be legally married, but Kara would have tried. Done the whole damn ceremony, worn a suit and watched Lena walk down the aisle in a pretty white dress. Eliza would have loved Lena. Distantly, she notes that she’s crying.

_I don’t want to die._

In the distance, she hears splashing. _The water must be coming faster now. Matter of time._

She lets the tears fall. She can almost hear Lena’s voice calling her name.

…Wait.

 “Kara?” More splashing. “Kara, are you here?”

Relief and panic fill her in equal measure. What the _hell_ is Lena doing down here? She should be in a boat, she should be off the ship already, safe. But _god,_ she’s here, she got away from them and Kara is going to see her again. Kara has never been so simultaneously happy and terrified to hear anything in her life. Rattling her cuffs again to make more noise, she calls out.

“Lena!”

* * *

J’onn almost hadn’t helped her. He had been adamant that she turn around and get into a boat immediately. But she was resolute – she wasn’t going anywhere without Kara. Finally, he broke down, and gave her directions to the brig.

She’s probably done more running today than she has her whole life.

Approaching the elevators at a high speed, she hears the last thing she wants to hear right now.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I have strict orders – the lifts are closed right now.“

_Like hell they are._

Stalking up the attendant, Lena places herself directly in his line of sight. “I need to get down.” Lena moves closer to him, getting into his space. “Please, I need to get to E-Deck.”

The man shakes his head. “Miss, I’m very sorry, but they’re closed.”

“Then, open them!” Lena is frustrated. Obstacle after obstacle stands between herself and Kara, and she’s getting sick of it. She doesn’t have time to run all the way through each deck to get down there. J’onn’s directions had been from the lifts, and she was damn well going to use them.

“Look, miss –“

Finally, Lena snaps. “No, you look!” She puts her hand on his chest, pushing him hard until he stumbles backwards into the car and hits the wall. “I’m through being polite, goddamnit! Take me _down_!” She’s sick of men telling her what she can and cannot do. She’s going to find Kara, and she’s going to do it now.

Nodding in terror, the man fumbles to close the grate and the elevator starts to inch downwards.

As she waits in tense silence, Lena is struck by the memory of her last trip down in this lift. She and Kara had laughed and kissed, still high on their newfound closeness. Only minutes before that, she had been naked on the couch in her sitting room with Kara’s eyes devouring her. Everything involved in that memory – the drawing, the sitting room, the elevators – would be underwater in an hour. Lost forever.

She won’t let Kara go, too.

_Please don’t be too late. Please._

As they approach E-Deck, the lights flicker, and suddenly their feet are awash with almost two feet of freezing water. It gushes in as the elevator settles to the floor, and the lift operator panics, immediately reversing the controls and starting to go back up.

“No!” Lena wrestles the lever from him. “No, go down! _I need to go down!_ ”

The man shakes his head, adamant. “No way! I’m going back up!”

Lena yells in frustration.

Pushing him out of the way, Lena wrenches open the grate and jumps down into the knee-deep water. _Oh, its so cold._ This is the water that awaits over 1000 people on this ship. _Not Kara. Not yet._ Based on the water level, she has about 15 minutes before the whole hall is flooded.

She remembers J’onn’s instructions – right, and then left. She wades through the corridor until she reaches the first turn, but when she looks down the left hall, she sees dozens of doors.

_Damn it._

“Kara?” A pause. She hears no response. As the silence stretches and the lights flicker again, Lena has to fight back the panic again. _She has to be here somewhere._

Raising her voice even louder, she yells. “Kara! Kara, are you here?”

There’s another pause.

“Lena!”

_Oh thank god, thank **god** – _

Following Kara’s muffled voice, Lena splashes deeper down the hall. “Where are you?”

“Lena, I’m in here!” She hears loud rattling, and she follows the sound down the flooded part of the corridor. Finally she opens the right door, sending a wave of water across the room, and there she is. Kara is perched on a desk above the water and cuffed to some sort of pipe.

“Lena!”

“Kara, _god_ , Kara, I was so worried –“ Lena wades to Kara as fast as she can, throwing her shivering arms around her. Kara kisses her like the world is ending. In a way, she supposes, it is. They part, but Lena can’t bear to pull back too far. “I thought – I thought, when I saw the water – “

“I know. I’m okay, but we have to get out of here. Can you find a spare key?”

Lena checks the drawers and the cabinet on the wall, but there’s no key that fits Kara’s handcuffs. “I can’t find one. There isn’t a key here.”

“Okay, Lena, you have to go get some help.”

Lena shakes her head. _No._ Not after all this. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Lena, this part of the ship is already underwater. We’ll both die here. You have to find someone –“

“Wait.” Lena thinks back to the elevator bank. On her way to this corridor, there was a box on the wall…

”I have an idea. I’ll be right back. Okay? I promise.” Lena kisses Kara, hard. _It isn’t a goodbye kiss. I’m coming right back_. Even so, it’s difficult to leave Kara in the room alone.

“Of course. I’ll just…wait here!”

Lena splashes down the hall, feeling a stitch in her side but unwilling to slow down. She can’t feel her feet anymore, and the lower half of her dress is heavy on her legs. She saw…she remembers…up the stairs, and to the right.

Her dress weighs her down as she struggles through the water. As she approaches her destination, a porter in a white uniform runs towards her.

“Oh, Miss! You shouldn’t be here now, come along, we’ll get you to the boat deck.” He’s panicked, frantic. He grabs her by the arm, dragging her down the hallway as she struggles.

“No, sir, I have to – you don’t understand – let me _go_ –“ He’s taking her too far from Kara. _No, no, NO._ “You’re going the wrong way – _listen to me!_ ”

When she wrenches her arm from his grip, he makes another grab for her, and she rears her fist back and connects with his nose. _My second punch thrown in one night._

He stumbles back and hits the wall, looking shocked as his nose starts to bleed. “To hell with you!” He takes off towards the elevators.

Trying to calm her breathing again, Lena leans against a doorframe. As she raises her eyes, she sees what she needs in front of her – a red box, with a glass cover. Inside rests an axe. In large red letters across the front, it reads “In case of emergency”.

This is certainly an emergency.

Seizing the nearby fire hose, she uses the metal spout to smash the glass, and starts back down the hallway with the axe in hand. When she reaches the stairwell, her stomach drops. The water has risen by several feet – there’s only a bit of space left between the water line and the ceiling. Kara’s room is in the higher area, less flooded, but Lena knows that she has mere minutes before the water reaches critical levels. Kara must be terrified. Taking a deep breath, Lena jumps in, and the water reaches her chest.

It’s _freezing._ Lena gasps as the cold squeezes all the air from Lena’s lungs, and she makes a strangled noise as the water seeps into her clothes. _Keep going. Don’t stop._

Using the pipes along the ceiling to pull herself along the hall, she clutches the axe with her other hand until the water is shallow enough to touch the floor again.

_Kara. I need to find Kara. There -_

She shoulders the door open, and she finds Kara kneeling on the desk, with the waist-deep water starting to lap at her legs.

“Lena, where did – holy shit.” Kara gapes as Lena raises the axe.

“Hold out your hands.”

Kara is pale and obviously scared, but she does as Lena asks, stretching the chain taut over the pipe. Lena lines the axe up, but she hesitates before the swing. She’s shivering madly, and it’s making her hands unsteady, the water creeping more and more quickly up her torso.

_What if I hit her?_

She’s never swung an axe in her life. Kara seems to sense her hesitation.

“You’re gonna want to keep your eyes on the spot you want to hit. You’ll have to hit it hard, but not full strength, okay?” Lena nods. “I trust you, Lena.”

Before she can second-guess herself, Lena swings the axe over her head and brings it down, and Kara’s hands spring apart. The cuffs stay on her wrists, but the chain is severed. Kara lets out a yell of relief.

Immediately, Kara is on her, whooping in exhilaration and kissing her face over and over.

“You did it! I knew you could - Lena, how did you find me? I thought I was gonna die down here.”

Lena gives herself a moment to savour Kara’s lips, the solid strength of her body holding her close. She almost lost this. She still could, if they didn’t hurry.

“Cat helped, and J’onn. I’ll explain later.” Finally, she pulls away. “We have to go.”

The water is just over her waist, now, and Lena is starting to feel the cold numb her torso. She moves towards the door, and Kara jumps off the desk to follow.

“Shit, that’s cold! That’s _cold_ –“ Kara makes noises as she swims that Lena would probably find cute if the situation weren’t so dire.

The hallway behind them is flooded completely. The water reaches the ceiling, and there are obvious currents where more is gushing in from the levels below. Lena had made it just in time.

Kara pulls her the opposite way, towards the less flooded area. “We’ll have to find another way. Come on.”

Several half-flooded hallways later, they climb a set of stairs blocked by a locked door. “Stand back.” Kara bounces a bit, seeming to pump herself up, before ramming her shoulder into the door with a loud grunt.

“Kara! You’re going to hurt yourself!”

Kara ignores her, hitting the door over and over until Lena hears it start to splinter. Kara stands back and kicks at the handle a few times, until finally the door bursts open.

_That was…attractive._

The door seems to lead into a hall full of steerage bunks. The end of the hall is already flooding, and some panicked passengers and a few crewmen are still in the area. One of the crewmen spots them coming through the splintered door, and calls out.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

They ignore him, walking as fast as possible down the hall towards the main staircase.

The man persists. “You’ll have to pay for that! That’s White Star Line property –“

“SHUT. UP.” They say it in unison, meeting eyes afterwards and grinning. Even now, in the midst of a tragedy, Kara makes her feel warm.

As they climb the main stairs to C-Deck, the scene is strange. The metal grate lies half-closed, almost off its hinges, and an unconscious man in a White Star uniform is crumpled on the floor in front of it. Slightly behind the grate, there’s a large bloodstain on the floor, slightly smeared. It’s still wet. As they pass it, Lena feels Kara shiver.

“Are you okay?” Kara’s eyes haven’t left the blood on the floor.

“I just…I have a bad feeling. We haven’t seen Alex yet. Something…doesn’t feel right, here.”

Lena doesn’t want to worry Kara, but she also feels a strange sense of ominous recognition. “I’m sure she’s fine, Kara. She must be up on deck, getting into a lifeboat.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” Kara tears her eyes away from the red stain as Lena leads her up the stairs. Lena hopes she’s right, but she can’t stop herself from considering the worst.

_Where the hell is Alex?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY FOR SHOOTING ALEX. I promise she’s going to be fine, I just need her off the damn boat so she doesn’t drown, and she’s a protective big sister who (I feel) wouldn’t leave Kara behind unless she's physically dragged away. And tbh, I’m a sadist so I loved writing the Drama of Maggie’s reaction. Plus, it’s technically accurate to the movie!  
> As usual, the next update will be in a few days! Come yell at me for the angst, my body is ready.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kara…” 
> 
> Kara looks at her, eyes shining with unshed tears. Even now, surrounded by terror and loss, Lena can feel the love for her swell in her chest.
> 
> “This is where we first met.” 
> 
> Kara stares at her for a moment. A small, incredulous smile crosses her face, and she lets out a choked laugh. 
> 
> “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN.

The deck is teeming with noise and worried people when they finally make it up, James still cradling Alex’s shaking body. Several of the lifeboats have left already – Maggie can see four of them in the water, rowing away from the ship. It’s _freezing_ despite the lack of wind, and the crowds around the lifeboats are populated both with people wearing warm coats and with people shivering in nightgowns or bare feet.

There’s general mayhem, and the crowds are growing insistent as they notice the tilt of the deck. Officers are yelling and directing crowds, calling for women and children. Maggie heads directly for the closest lifeboat, which is about half full already. There’s a small crowd, but Maggie pushes her way through insistently, and people start to move out of the way as they notice James carrying a bleeding woman in his arms.

Finally breaking through the front of the mob, Maggie confronts the officer in charge. She can feel the fear constricting her voice. “You have to let us in. Is there a doctor nearby? Please –“

“You need to go to the back of the crowd. We’re letting people in one at a time.”

Maggie’s frustration mounts. She has to get Alex on, _now_. She can see the other boats leaving, and she has a bad feeling about how many people are still left on the ship. “This woman is bleeding out! She was shot, by one of your crewmen!” The crowd starts to gasp and titter at that.

“Look, I can’t let a woman on who’s bleeding all over the place, it’ll cause a panic –“

“She’s going to die if she stays here! She won’t last 5 minutes if she doesn’t get on a damn boat!” The worry makes Maggie feel like she’s coming out of her skin, like she’s going to fly apart any second. But the officer stands firm, ushering a few more women on board from the crowd instead.

“Fuck!” Maggie can feel frustrated tears coming, and she turns back to Alex. Lucy and Winn keep arguing with the officer, but the noise fades into the background as Maggie smooths Alex’s hair.

“Hold on, Danvers. You’re not going anywhere, okay? I’m not leaving your side.” She kisses her sweaty forehead, and Alex chokes out a pained laugh. “S-sounds like - y-you’re going soft on me, Sawyer.”

Inside the lifeboat, a small blonde woman in an expensive-looking dress and fur coat looks up, her gaze suddenly fixed intensely on them.

Maggie looks back and the woman stands, interrupting the argument with the officer. Her voice is clear and sharp.

“Danvers?”

Maggie stares back at her in shock. “Yeah. Alex Danvers. Do you…know her?” The woman pauses, seeming thoughtful.

“No, I don’t.”

She turns to the guard, crossing her arms. “Crewman. Let this woman on board, and find a doctor.”

“What? Miss, you need to sit down. I can’t –“

The woman’s voice raises. “Is anyone here a doctor?” Silence follows her question, and she repeats it more loudly, sounding annoyed at the lack of response. “A _doctor,_ people. Now.”

A ripple goes through the surrounding crowds as people pass the request around. Finally, a man in the next group over raises a hand, speaking in a heavy accent.

“I am, ma’am. Moving my practice stateside.”

“Good. Bring your family, and get into this boat.” The man seems relieved; he gathers his wife and two children and leads them to the edge of the craft. Maggie notes gratefully that he has what looks to be a small bag of medical supplies.

The guard protests more rudely now. “Look, lady, you need to sit down and listen –“

“No, you need to listen to me.” The woman is deadly calm, exuding authority even with her small stature. “This woman is bleeding out in front of you, shot by one of your employees. I think it can be argued that she needs to be here more than anyone else on board. If you are _truly_ cruel enough to keep her and this kind doctor from getting into this lifeboat,” The woman reaches into her handbag and, to Maggie’s surprise, pulls out a tiny, pearl-handled revolver. She points it at the ground near his feet. “I will not hesitate.”

The guard’s face twitches. Maggie waits, gripping Alex’s clammy hand. The ship is tilting more by the minute, and this woman is a tiny rock in the tempest; her hand is steady on the gun, even in the surrounding panic, and she refuses to break eye contact. Maggie has no idea why she seems to care so much about getting Alex to safety, but she’s grateful.

Finally the guard yields. “Fine. You, get in. The doctor too.”

At his words, Maggie is hit with a wave of relief so powerful that she almost staggers under it. Immediately, she takes Alex from James and struggles into the boat, heart in her throat as it wavers over the 60 foot drop down to the ocean. The woman continues to surprise her, reaching immediately to help Maggie with the weight and getting flecks of blood on her expensive-looking clothes in the process. Maggie looks down at herself, then, and realizes how she must look – her hands and shirt are both soaked in drying blood. It’s no wonder the guard was alarmed by her demands.

They lay Alex down gently near the bow of the lifeboat, so that she’s sitting up slightly. She’s barely conscious, now, her head leaning back to rest against the boat. Maggie removes her sweater and puts it under Alex’s back to cushion the wounds from the hard wood beneath, and the blonde woman lays her heavy fur coat over top. Maggie’s curiosity burns even hotter. _Who the hell is this woman?_

As the doctor and his family board, the guard gestures to James and Winn. “Your friends stay. Just women and children, and the injured girl.”

Maggie looks back at them. “Guys –“

“We know. It’s okay. Take care of her.” James looks grim, but Maggie knows he wont fight. He’s always been the hero type. Beside him, Winn looks pale but just as determined. Maggie looks to Lucy.

“Luce..“ But Lucy shakes her head.

“You think I’m going anywhere without these losers? They won’t last a second without me. We’ll think of something, Sawyer, don’t worry. Take care of Alex.”

Maggie nods. “Go find another boat. I’d better see you out there.” The likelihood is low and they all know it, but Maggie clings to the hope of seeing her friends again.

Finally, she turns to the woman who is now holding Alex’s other hand.

“Thank you, for that. If you hadn’t – look, who _are_ you?”

The woman smiles, holding out a hand to shake. She doesn’t flinch as Maggie’s bloodstained hand meets her white-gloved one. “Catherine Grant.”

“…Cat Grant? From Catco? Aren’t you the one who helped Kara with her fancy dinner?” Maggie can’t hide her confusion. Why would someone so important risk her safety for them?

Cat nods, scanning the boat deck with obvious concern in her features. “Yes. Kara spoke very fondly of her adoptive family, and I’ve grown rather fond of Kara myself. Am I correct in my assumption that this is her sister?”

Alex stirs at her sister’s name, mumbling and trying to move. “Kara – where – where’s Kara?” Her breathing picks up, and Maggie smooths her hair again, trying to comfort her.

“Shhh, babe, it’s okay. She’s fine. Just relax, alright?” Alex settles again, but her face is still set with worry. Maggie sighs, and answers Cat’s question.

“Yeah, she’s Kara’s sister…have you seen Kara? Because -”

Cat shakes her head sadly. “No. The last I saw, Lena was running off to find her somewhere on E-Deck.”

_E-Deck?_

Maggie nods. “Lena, huh? That’s good. They should both get on a boat, right? They’re both women, and Lena is first-class. She’ll have some pull.” Cat nods, letting Maggie give herself a pep talk.

"So...would you really have shot him?" Maggie asks hesitantly.

Catt scoffs, adjusting the coat so that the doctor can examine Alex's shoulder. "The gun isn't loaded. But it works well as a scare tactic against weak men." Maggie manages a laugh. She has to admit, even when Kara told them how Cat Grant had helped her, she hadn't expected this spitfire woman. 

Finally the guard gets in, glaring at Cat and Maggie, and the boat starts to lower jerkily down to the water. The doctor orders someone to rip a spare shire into strips, and Maggie starts to offer hers before Cat puts a hand on her arm.

"I realize you're fairly desperate to help, but I think she'd be upset if she woke up to find you frozen to death."

"Right. Yeah. You're right. I just...my friends are still up there, and Alex -"

"I know." Cat pats her shoulder as Maggie looks up at the shrinking spot where her friends disappeared.

Back on the deck, Winn gazes up above the officer’s quarters, where one collapsible lifeboat lies on its side, broken and abandoned. Crewmen are working on getting the other three operational instead. Winn grins, looking back at James and Lucy.

“I have an idea. Anyone feeling brave?” 

* * *

 

When Lena finally emerges onto the deck, Kara’s hand firmly in hers, it’s nearing pandemonium.

People are rushing around in small groups, fear evident on their faces. Looking over the railing, Lena sees that the ship is almost half underwater, now. The apex of the bow has already disappeared, and water is rushing over the sides rapidly. Strangely, the stern seems to have lifted slightly. Only two lifeboats remain on this side, and one of them is currently lowering into the water. The lack of boats is making people frantic, and Lena sees a crewman fire a gun into the air.

“Kara, it’s starting to fall apart. I know – I know we can’t find Alex, but there aren’t many boats left. Maybe she got on one.”

Kara can’t seem to make up her mind. Her grip tightens, and her eyes dart around the boat deck as if hoping to pick her sister out of the crowd.

“Kara, we don’t have any more time to look. If we stay, we’ll die here.”

Finally, Kara nods.

Immediately, Lena leads her to the nearby boat. Several uniformed officers are holding back the crowd, ensuring that only women and children are allowed through. As they move forward, Lena’s heart rate starts to calm. _We’re getting on a boat. It’s going to be okay._

They’re almost on the boat when a voice calls out.

“Oy! You – what are you doing up here!”

Kara freezes beside her as every eye lands on them.

“What?”

Turning to the source of the voice, Lena feels dread creep in. Their boat is being loaded by the master-at-arms, and he’s looking right at Kara.

_Not now. Please, not now. We’re so close -_

“You must be mistaken –“ Lena tries to diffuse the situation, but the man is adamant. He lunges forward and grabs Kara’s wrist, pulling down her sleeve and holding her still-fastened cuff up to the light. It casts little points of light on her terrified face.

“I don’t know how you got up here, but I’m not letting a goddamn thieving criminal into the boats when there’s women and children need saving. Get back!” He shoves Kara, and she’s almost sent sprawling across the deck.

“Please – please, you have to let us on, there’s no more boats –“ Lena pleads with him, clutching his sleeve. The world feels suspended, and then tilts on its axis as the man shakes his head.

“You’re welcome to board, Miss, but the thief stays.” He punctuates this by cocking his gun and holding it at his side. It’s a clear warning.

Kara turns to Lena, and her expression is worryingly calm. “Okay. Get on the boat, I’ll stay.”

Every fiber of Lena's being objects to the idea of leaving Kara behind. “I’m not going without you.”

“You have to go! Now! You were right, there isn’t much time and the boats –“

“No, Kara.”

“Please, get in the boat, Lena.” Kara’s voice is starting to waver, her worry shining through as Lena repeatedly refuses her.

“ _No,_ Kara.” Lena knows that she’s starting to sound petulant, but she can’t bring herself to care. She’s not leaving without Kara. She _won’t._

Kara puts her hands on Lena’s shoulders, almost begging now. “Lena, please! I need to know you’re safe –“

From behind her, a familiar voice cuts in. “Yes, Lena, get on the boat. Now.”

Mon-El appears over Kara's shoulder, and Kara noticeably shivers with revulsion. He looks Lena over, and adopts a look of painfully feigned concern. “My god, look at you, you look a fright. You’ll freeze in this weather.“ He rubs her arms, pointedly dislodging Kara’s grip, and takes his own overcoat off to drape it around Lena’s shoulders.

She flinches away from his hands, but accepts the coat. Lena knows he must want something. He always wants something.

Glaring at Mon-El, Kara pulls her off to the side. “Listen, he’s not going to let me on. You need to get on while you can. I’ll get the next one, okay? I’ll go to the other side, where the guard won’t recognize me.”

“I’m _not_ going without you, Kara. I didn’t wade through a flooded ship to find you just to let you go now. You know as well as I do that there probably aren’t any boats over there either.” Lena’s voice shakes. Why can’t he just let Kara on the boat? They had been so close, so close to escape -

“I’m a survivor, all right? Don’t worry about me. Get on.”

Before Lena can protest, Mon-El cuts in again.

“I have an arrangement with the officer on the other side of the ship. He’ll let us on. Both of us. I’ll make sure of it.”

Kara looks surprised, and then something else crosses her face, but it’s gone quickly and Lena can’t catch it. “See? I have my own boat to catch. You need to get on this one.”

Lena hesitates. Why would Mon-El help Kara? A last-minute growth of conscience seems unlikely, but the situation is dire. She wants to believe. If there’s a way for both of them to survive, she wants to take it.

Mon-El pushes Lena towards the boat. “Hurry. They’re almost full.”

Lena pulls Kara in for a final kiss, trying to smother the dread slowly growing in her heart. Everything is getting fuzzy, her vision tunneling as she tries to convince herself everything can be okay. “Promise me, Kara. Promise me you’ll be okay.” It’s a useless thing to ask – she knows that Kara can’t control the situation. But she needs to hear it.

Kara hesitates for only a second before she replies. “I promise. Now get on.” She pushes Lena forwards, much more gently.

Suddenly things are moving too fast - someone takes her arm and pulls her along, and before she can think about it she’s sitting on one of the wooden seats and Kara is still on deck. Lena tries to struggle her way back towards the edge, reaching for Kara’s hand, but the distance is too far – she can’t grasp her outstretched fingers. One of the guards pushes her back into the lifeboat, and as it starts to inch downwards, Lena’s mind is still stubbornly blank. The yelling of the crowds and the noise of the ship is muted, like it's coming from a great distance. She looks around her, at the fear and the pain, and feels nothing. She leaves the Titanic as she entered – cold, and calm.

Kara stands at the railing of the ship, watching Lena descend with a look of intense longing. Mon-El is beside her, gazing down with a much different expression. He looks calculating. Smug. Through the numbness that started spreading over her as soon as she was brought into the lifeboat, Lena feels a spark of fear.

After she’s passed out of earshot Lena sees Mon-El and Kara exchange words, and the look from before crosses Kara’s face again. This time, it stays there. Lena recognizes it now – it’s acceptance. Weary resignation. Deep, aching sadness.

_She’s not getting on a boat._

The women around her are crying. Some are reaching out to husbands on the deck, or holding their frightened children. She looks down the length of the ship, at an even steeper angle than before. So many are still on board – Lena can see them running around the lower decks. Hundreds, maybe more. All of them will die.

There are tears shining in Kara’s eyes, but they don’t fall – she’s smiling through them, seeming relieved despite everything. She’s happy that Lena is safe. Resigned to her own fate. Mon-El smirks and turns to leave, but Kara stays. Her eyes never once leave Lena’s.

Unbidden, Lena sees flashes of the last 2 days. Seeing Kara for the first time, with her intense gaze and her blonde hair flying in the wind. Kara’s warm hand taking hers, her nervous smile, her face as they spun dizzily to joyful Irish music. Their first kiss on the bow of the ship, which is currently under several feet of icy water. Mere hours ago, when Kara made love to her, touching her in ways she didn’t think were possible. Hearing Kara say ‘I love you’.

As emergency flares burst like fireworks above them, lighting up Kara’s face, Lena makes her decision.

_I’m getting off with her. No matter what._

As she completes the thought, her body seems to roar back to life. Adrenaline spikes through her system, and she starts to think again, standing up and making the boat rock. The other passengers around her protest, a few pulling at the edges of Mon-El’s coat, still draped over her shoulders.

Lena looks at the ship – they’re passing a balcony, and a few people are climbing onto it, seeming intent on jumping from the edge onto the lifeboat. She fastens the coat properly to keep it from getting in her way, and prepares herself. It’s a long distance, and the drop is over 40 feet to the churning water below, but she feels no fear. Distantly she hears Kara shout with palpable terror in her voice.

“Lena! What are you _doing?!_ ”

Shoving people out of the way, Lena takes a running jump.

She hits the rail with a weight that knocks her breath away, and above her, Kara screams.

_“No!”_

Lena’s hands scramble for purchase on the balcony, and someone above her seizes her arms, pulling her over and onto the deck. Immediately, she’s sprinting towards the stairs.

She needs to get back to Kara. Now. Lena is going to stay here, with her, and that’s okay. They’ll be together. She won’t let Kara be alone, and she can’t live without her. She won’t go back to sleep; she’d rather die.

And so be it.

When she reaches the ballroom, she sees Kara running down the grand staircase, tears streaming down her face. They finally meet near the clock. Kara pulls her into a tight embrace, unwilling to let her go. She’s sobbing into Lena’s hair, rocking them back and forth as she tries to pull Lena closer, closer, as close as her own skin.

“Why did you do that?! That was so stupid, Lena, you could have – you were on the boat, you were safe, why did you –“

Lena interrupts her with a fierce kiss.

“You jump, I jump, remember?”

Kara looks astounded, still rattled from Lena’s stunt. Finally, she breaks into a heartbreaking smile. “Yeah. Right. Alright.”

They kiss again, over and over until Lena feels herself start to feel balanced again. “I love you so much, Kara, I couldn’t – I could see that you knew you wouldn’t get on, I could see, and I couldn’t leave you.”

“It’s alright, we’ll think of something. I promise.” Kara murmurs into her hair. She can tell that she’s worried, but she’s equally relieved.

Lena manages a small laugh through her tears. “I’m learning not to trust your promises.”

“I would have done anything to get you on that boat, Lena. To protect you.”

“I know.”

Abruptly, she feels Kara tense.

“Shit – Lena move!” She dives to the right and takes Lena with her, and a gunshot rings out. It shatters part of the banister beside them.

_What the hell -?_

Kara scrambles to her feet and pulls Lena up, and she follows Kara’s lead, ducking behind the barrier. Chancing a look behind them she sees Mon-El, with a revolver in his hand.

 _That bastard._ She should have known he wouldn’t give up.

Mon-El is blocking the way to the deck, and he advances on them, forcing them to run down. They descend seemingly endless stairs, until they meet water – a half flooded dining room. Behind them, another gunshot sends wood and plaster chips flying.

“Come on, there’s no other way –“

Kara leads her into the flood, splashing as they weave around floating furniture. Lena’s dress tangles around her legs as two more shots ring out, one hitting the water near their feet and the other splintering a table.

There has to be another way up to the deck. They race towards the kitchens and Mon-El follows them, sending off shots that land far too close for comfort, until finally Lena hears his gun click impotently.

Lena feels relieved, until they turn the corner and meet a dead end.

_Shit._

When they turn around to run back, Mon-El is in the doorway, his face contorted with anger. Before they can act, he lunges forward. Kara tries to shield her but Mon-El has the momentum, and he uses it to ram Kara with his shoulder. She flies into the wall, and Lena hears a sickening crack as her head makes contact with the wood.

_“Kara!”_

Lena tries to run to her as Kara struggles to stand back up, but Mon-El has an iron grip on her wrists. He drags her bodily back towards the stairs, her legs churning in the ankle-deep water as she struggles.

“I never lose, Lena. I will have you, even if I have to drag you to New York bound and gagged.”

“Let me go –“Lena kicks and screams, yelling for Kara, who manages to pull herself up onto her knees and stumble into the doorframe, her gaze unfocused.

Finally Mon-El stops, looking at Lena and looking honestly dumbfounded.

“You’d rather die here? Go back to her, and be a little gutter whore?”

“I’d rather be her whore than your wife.”

Lena does the only thing she can do with her hands restrained and her legs tangled in her dress – she rears back, and spits in his face. After a moment of shock, he reaches up to wipe it, and without warning he swings the hand back down on her cheek. Her head snaps to the side, and Lena tastes blood in her mouth.

Immediately, there’s a rage-filled roar from the kitchen doorway. Blonde hair blurs past as Kara barrels into Mon-El, throwing her entire body weight into a furious tackle. They land sprawled on the floor, Mon-El’s torso mostly submerged in the encroaching water. Kara pins him under her weight and rears back. Her first punch clearly shatters his nose and she doesn’t let up, hitting him over and over as he sputters.

“You’ll never touch her again, you hear me? Never! You’ll never – fucking – _touch_ – _her_ –“ Each word is punctuated with a savage blow. Mon-El’s blood starts to leech into the water around him in snaking red tendrils as he struggles to keep his head above it.

Finally, Lena tries to pull Kara off, grabbing the back of her shirt. The room is flooding faster, and they need to get out before the pressure breaks the windows. Kara doesn’t seem to notice. Mon-El tries to take the opportunity to flip her and take control, but Kara just screams, slamming his shoulders back down.

Lena hears the ship groan around them, and she shakes Kara by the shoulders. “Kara – Kara! We have to go. Leave him. Please.”

Her eyes finally focus on Lena, and she seems to come out of a trance.

“I – I’m sorry, I just – he hit you.” Kara’s hands are slick with blood, and whether it’s her own or Mon-El’s Lena doesn’t know.

“I know. And you saved me, Kara. But we have to go.”

Kara nods. She lets Lena pull her up from the floor, and Mon-El rolls over, clutching his face and groaning. As they step over him to leave, Lena doesn’t look back.

They wade into the deeper water together, heading back the way they came, but when they approach the staircase Lena can see that the water has risen above it. It’s filling the cavernous stairwell quickly, and already it’s deeper than their height.

_We need to swim._

Kara steps slowly, and Lena can’t help the indignant noise she makes as the freezing water laps at her stomach. She can feel the strong current swirling around her feet as more water gushes in.

“Hold on to me.” Kara follows her carefully, making sure not to let the current take them. She hangs behind, insistent on letting Lena climb out of the water first. Just before they reach the stairs, Lena feels a dawning horror as she hears a crackling sound.

“Kara!”

She shouts out, but it happens too quickly – one of the decorative windows shatters, and a tide of water bursts through the opening. It knocks Kara off her feet, and Lena clings desperately to her wrist, catching the bannister before they get swept away. She can feel Kara’s hand slipping from hers, her fingers numbing quickly in the sub-zero temperatures.

“Hold on! Kara –“

Kara fights the current, but Lena’s grip is the only thing keeping her from being ripped away. Lena is hit with a vivid memory of herself dangling from the back of the Titanic, terrified, Kara’s hand on her wrist her only anchor to the ship. Kara had pulled her back over.

_My turn._

Gritting her teeth, Lena curls herself around the bannister and summons a strength she didn’t know she had, pulling Kara towards her. She wraps her arms around Kara’s torso and drags both of them into the shallow area at the top of the stairs, where Kara collapses onto her hands and knees.

_I did it. She’s safe. We’re okay._

“Lena – thank you –“ Kara is shivering, heaving as she coughs up salt water.

Lena helps her up, rubbing her chilled arms. “You saved me first, remember? It’s about time I paid you back.”

At that, Lena takes charge, leading a still-coughing Kara back up to the unsubmerged B-Deck. As they run through entertainment and promenade rooms, the floors at a dangerous tilt, Lena notices a figure standing hunched near one of the fireplaces. He’s staring blankly at a mantle clock, as if it holds the secret to the ship’s flaws.

“J’onn?”

J’onn’s head turns absently, almost as an afterthought. When he sees Lena and Kara, soaked through and dripping on the carpet, he looks desolate. “Lena. Oh, Lena, you were supposed to be on a boat…”

Lena shakes her head, approaching him softly. “They wouldn’t let Kara on.”

J’onn sighs. “I see.”

Lena recognizes the look on his face. Kara had worn it not too long ago, as she watched Lena leave the ship. Resignation. He’s decided to go down with the ship. Lena’s heart aches for him.

Kara tugs her hand gently. “We have to go. It’s going under more quickly now.”

Lena knows – she can feel how quickly the ship is angling downwards. But she can’t leave J’onn like this. "You’re not even going to try for it, J’onn?”

He looks so desperately sad. His voice wavers as he speaks. “I…you were right to be worried, Lena. I’m sorry I didn’t build you a stronger ship.” He hands Lena a life belt – his own. Lena takes it, her hands clasping his briefly. “Good luck to you.”

Lena nods slowly. “And you. Please, J’onn…the world needs more people like you. Please try.” After a moment, he nods solemnly.

Finally acquiescing to Kara's insistent tugging on her hand, she follows her towards the deck. As they leave, she sees J’onn mournfully move the arms of the mantle clock to the current time.

When they reach the deck, it’s finally descended into total chaos.

The boats are gone – Lena can see one rowing away in the distance, its occupants huddled together against the cold. Unlike the early boats, this one is weighted down with so many people that the edges nearly touch the water. Some people with lifebelts cluster where the ship touches the ocean and throw themselves into the water, seemingly trying to swim towards the retreating survivors. The ship itself is tilted at such an absurd angle that still others are starting to trip and slide down the surface.

It should be impossible for this to happen – the stern is almost lifted out of the water with the weight of the bow sinking. Lena contemplates the physics of it as Kara talks.

 “Shit. We have to stay on the boat as long as we can, stay out of the water. Put the lifebelt on, okay?”

Lena shakes her head. “You should put it on.”

Kara takes the belt from her and puts it over her head, fastening it over Mon-El’s jacket. “No, Lena. You need it more than I do.”

”Kara –“

As she says it, Lena is distracted by the groaning of wood and metal under pressure. The deck seems to shift under them. With growing dread, it dawns on her.

 “Kara. The ship…it might break.”

“…what?” 

“Do you hear that? Listen.”

Kara goes still, listening to the sounds of the ship over the panicked screams around them. It groans again. Lena looks over the edge – close to them, a pale, jagged line reaches all the way down to the keel. The iron is under stress, much more stress than it was built to withstand.

“Look. Do you see the stress? It’s going to split, and we need to be at the back when it does. As far as we can be, and we should hang on to the rail. Now.”

Kara nods, already pulling her towards the stern.

“How is it possible for it to split?” Kara asks breathlessly as they run, climbing over railings and people as they sprint for the safer half of the deck.

“The front is full, and the watertight bulkheads engaged after the ship was hit. The back is flooding very slowly, especially the watertight areas, and the weight of it being in the air like this…it’s never happened before, but this ship is so big, so heavy –“ Lena's discussions with J'onn and her years studying physics and mechanical engineering come back to her as she tries to work out the trajectory of the disaster at hand. Kara nods, not fully understanding but trusting her all the same.

The crowd gets thicker the further back they run, everyone trying to stay away from the water as the angle of the floor gets ever steeper. A large crowd has formed around a pastor who anchors himself to a piece of deck equipment, reciting a last prayer – people cling to his hand, likely both for comfort and to keep from sliding down to the sea.

By the time they arrive, their run is more of a climb. Lena’s shoes slip on the waxed wood but Kara catches her, her new leather soles keeping their grip – for what feels like the hundredth time, Lena silently thanks Cat Grant for her intervention. They make their way up a small staircase, and Kara grows visibly frustrated as the man in front of them walks slowly, praying loudly to himself.

“Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death –“

Kara huffs, nudging him forward insistently. “You wanna walk a little faster through that valley, sir?”

When they reach the top of the stairs and they finally weave around the still-praying man, the lights flicker. After a few weak flashes, they finally go out, plunging the ship into darkness. Lena grasps blindly for the railing, Kara beside her.

As they cling to the barrier, Lena takes in the moonlit scene with startling clarity. On one side of them, a woman holds tight to the rail, clutching her young son. She whispers comfortingly in his ear, hiding her own tears. “It’ll be over soon. It’ll all be over soon.”

On their other side is a woman that Lena recognizes from the party in third class. There, she was red-cheeked and happy. Now she’s white with fear.  Everyone is pale. Terrified. Struggling to live, even in the face of such hopelessness. Lena looks into the face of needless devastation, caused by a perfect storm of rich men’s arrogance, and rages at the injustice.

She turns to Kara. She’s gazing around too, and her eyes are full of pain. It’s clear that she wants to save everyone. She wants to help.

_You saved me. In every way that a person can be saved._

The thought reminds Lena of something.

“Kara…” Kara looks at her, eyes shining with unshed tears. Even now, surrounded by terror and loss, Lena can feel the love for her swell in her chest.

“This is where we first met.”

Kara stares at her for a moment. A small, incredulous smile crosses her face, and she lets out a choked laugh.

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” She pulls Lena closer, and kisses her forehead. Lena relishes the brief comfort, tucking her head into Kara’s shoulder. The moment is over all too soon.

The ship, still steadily rising out of the water, finally gives way to the pressure. In the dark, Lena can see the wooden deck start to splinter. A great cracking sound and the drawn-out screech of tearing metal cuts through the night air as the ship splits in a shower of sparks. Immediately the stern starts to fall back down, and Lena’s breath is sucked from her at the speed of the drop.

“Hold on!” Kara pulls her closer, barely hanging on as the ship hits the water again. Lena looks down as it settles, aghast as she sees the resulting tidal wave decimate what looks like hundreds of people below. 

Kara shakes next to her, still holding tight. “You were right.”

Lena closes her eyes, and tries to block out the screams.

Finally, the bow of the ship disappears completely. Gradually, Lena notices that the stern is lifting again, too.

“Kara…it’s still attached, at the keel. The bow is pulling us vertical, we need to – we need to get over the rail, now.”

Kara doesn’t hesitate. She climbs over, and holds out her hand to Lena. “Give me your hand, I’ll pull you over!” Lena gets a strange sense of closure as she takes Kara’s hand. Kara saved her here, and now it’s their last stand together.

Soon after Lena secures her grip on the rail from the other side, the ship’s tilt gets dangerous. The people who didn’t follow her example by climbing to the other side start to dangle, and several people lose their grip, screaming as they fall. A few hit balconies or pieces of equipment on the way, and Lena can’t close her eyes anymore.

The woman from third class is losing her grip fast, her feet swinging wildly as the ship pulls itself almost vertical. Kara reaches out desperately.

“Take my hand! Please – I’ll help you!“ But the woman shakes her head, terrified to let go. Kara tries to take hold of her arm, but Lena can see the fight leave the woman’s eyes. As they sink downwards towards the icy water, she stops struggling abruptly, and lets go. Kara grasps fruitlessly at nothing.

“Oh god, oh god –“ Lena can’t help but chant under her breath as the ocean gets closer. The dark, churning water under her isn’t what she wants her last thoughts to be. She looks at Kara instead.

“Kara, I – if we don’t make it –“

“We’re not going to die, Lena.” Kara says it fiercely, as if her words can bring it into being.

“Kara, please – if we do – I need you to know, I have no regrets. If I had the choice, if I could do this over again, I’d still choose you. I’d choose this. I love you.”

Kara leans her forehead against Lena’s. “I love you, too. We’re gonna make it.” They hold each other as the ship goes down. Lena watches as the balcony where she stood when they first saw each other disappears under the water.

“There’s going to be suction when the ship goes under.” Lena can see it already- people in the water are being pulled under by the downward movement of the ship’s remains.

Kara nods. “Okay. When we hit, take a huge breath, and kick up as hard as you can. Don’t stop kicking.”

“Kara…You don’t have a lifebelt.”

“I’m a good swimmer.”

“You almost drowned once!”

“I’ve gotten better.”

They’re closer now, and Lena can feel the spray on her face. “Kara, don’t let go of my hand. Don't let go.”

“I promise, Lena. I won’t let go.”

As the ship hits the water, Lena squeezes Kara’s hand, takes a deep breath, and kicks off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, the angst is real! This is the part of the movie I usually cry through, so this has been the hardest part to write, hands down. Not much further to go before the epilogue! Get ready for the happy ending – it’s on the way. It'll be a few days later than usual because I won't have time to write over the holidays, but I'll get it out as soon as I can.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lena…I need you to know. Winning that ticket w-was the best thing that ever happened to me. It – it brought me to you.” 
> 
> Lena feels tears spring to her eyes. She didn’t think she could cry when she was this cold. They burn as they track down her face, blazing sensation through the numbness. Like Kara. Kara had blazed into her life and obliterated the icy walls around her heart.
> 
> “I’m so glad it did, Kara. You changed my life. You changed me.” She grasps Kara’s hands more tightly, and kisses her stiff fingers. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter up – I took a few days off for the holidays, and then the length kinda got away from me. But, here it is! Enjoy the happy ending we all deserved. There will be one more chapter after this, the epilogue. I hope it makes you guys sad, and then happy!

Darkness. Confusion. Bone-deep, stabbing cold, and silence.

Kara kicks wildly for the surface with Lena’s hand in hers. She can feel the suction pulling her under, and she fights it with all her strength.

Lena’s lifebelt is making her rise faster - the buoyancy is pulling Kara’s arm taut. Kara tries to keep up, but a kicking foot flies out of the darkness and hits their joined hands, and Kara can’t maintain her grip. Her hand slips free and Lena rises towards the surface, leaving Kara behind. She feels like she’s 13 again, breaking through the ice into the freezing lake water below. Only, this time, Alex isn’t here to pull her out when her limbs stop working.

_Oh god, Alex…_

Kara has no idea where she is – whether she’s on a lifeboat, stuck in the sunken ship below, or somewhere in this water with them. Guilt stabs at her as she struggles. _I should have tried harder, I should have found her right away…_

She can feel herself running out of air. Her head starts to spin, and her movement gets jerky and uncoordinated as memories rip through her head at top speed – her parents, singing together as they make breakfast. Eliza and Jerimiah, holding her close as she cried on the anniversary. Alex, beating up the boy at school who crumpled up Kara’s drawings and helping her off the ground. Lena, on the bow of the Titanic with the sunset behind her, looking at Kara like she means something.

_Lena._

With a final burst of movement, the water parts and Kara breaks the surface, gasping and coughing. Her lungs burn and she chokes on saltwater as she tries to take in more cold air. As her ears clear of water, the silence is gone. All she can hear is screaming.

_I need to find Lena._

Kara shakes the fog from her head and tries to focus. The water is icy, so cold that it makes her skin burn and her chest feel tight, but she fights the numbness. Ahead, she spots something large – the water breaks against it, making the surface shiny. Swimming towards it, it looks like a huge slab of wood – part of the wooden upholstery, maybe, or a large door. It has a few lengths of rope tangled around it, seeming to be looped through the wood somehow. It might hold someone’s weight.

Kara swims towards it and pushes it as far out as she can, away from the mass of people. All she can do is hope that nobody else claims it until she can return. Then, turning back to the churning water, she strikes out again. She struggles, her limbs feeling heavy without a lifejacket.

“Lena?” She calls out, hoping she can be heard above the other screams. She swims deeper into the fray. To her left, she sees a man climb on top of a woman in a life belt, forcing her under. As she comes up again, trying to fight him off, Kara sees her face.

“Lena!” She swims as hard as she can, rage making her faster. “Get off her! _Get off!”_

The man holds on stubbornly, and Kara does the only thing she can. She flares out an elbow directly into his face, and he falls back into the water. Lena surfaces again, sputtering.

“Lena! Lena, are you okay?” Lena’s eyes focus on her.

“Kara?” Lena reaches out, grasping Kara’s arm. “Oh god, I thought I lost you. Our hands slipped and you went under, and –“

“I know. I need you to swim, okay? Right now.” She starts kicking, not letting go of Lena’s hand, and she follows. They need to get back to the door. Kara knows how little time they have until the cold truly kicks in, until everyone who stays in the water freezes to death.

Kara’s legs feel like dead weight as she leads Lena through the mass of thrashing bodies. She’s relying more heavily on the buoyancy of Lena’s lifebelt than she’d like to admit.

“It’s s-so cold.” Lena’s lips are taking on a bluish tint and her breath is coming in short gasps, and Kara moves her arms faster. She needs to get her out of the water.

“I know, Lena. Keep swimming!”

_Please let it still be there._

Miraculously, Kara spots the slab of wood as they near the edge of the crowd. It’s still vacant. Spurred on by the urgency, she speeds up, pulling Lena behind her.

She grasps at the edge with uncooperative hands, gripping one of the pieces of rope. “Here. Get up on this.” Kara steadies the wood as Lena pulls herself up, and she holds her breath as it settles. She lets the breath out gratefully when it still sits above the water. It holds Lena’s weight, and that’s what matters – Lena will be okay. The thickness of the wood is uneven, so one end dips dangerously, but the opposite edge seems to be a thick frame, and it makes up the difference.

Lena reaches a hand out to Kara, holding it over the space between them. “Y-you, too.” Kara tests it, pulling her upper body onto the edge, but it teeters dangerously and almost tips over. If she climbs on, the thinner section will be submerged, and it’s more likely that neither of them will make it.

Kara slides back off, shaking her head. “Won’t hold my weight.”

“Kara…” Lena’s tone is warning, but Kara keeps going.

“No, Lena. It won’t hold both of us – one side isn’t strong enough.”

Lena is shaking violently, now. Her wet clothes cling to her, and Mon-El’s heavy coat is weighing her down. “Kara, g-get on.”

“I can’t. I’ll be fine. They’ll bring the boats back. They rowed away for the suction, but they’ll come back.”

Lena shakes her head, still pulling Kara’s arm. Her fingers grasp at Kara’s wet sleeve. “I’m not going to let you freeze to death while I sit up here.”

“I’ll be fine –“

“30 minutes, Kara. You said it yourself. If you stay there, 30 minutes from now, you’ll die.”

There’s a silence between them following that statement. Lena’s face is determined. Seeming to arrive at an idea, she starts fumbling with the rope that still dangles from her perch. She pulls it up on either side until it’s wrapped around securely, the water splashing around her as she works. When that’s done, she starts ripping at the buckles of her lifebelt with uncooperative hands.

“Lena! What are you doing?”

“You’re insisting on staying in the water because this won’t hold your weight. Here.” Lena thrusts the lifebelt at her. “Lay it flat, and put it under the weaker section. S-secure it with this. It might be enough.”

Kara gapes at her. “Lena, I’m not – put your belt back on. I can’t let you –“

Before she can finish her stumbling protest, Lena’s jaw clenches. Without warning, she slides off the plank and into the water beside her. Kara’s heart seizes.

“Lena!” _She can’t –_

“If you’re in the water, so am I. I could have gotten on a lifeboat, and I didn’t, Kara. I didn’t jump back onto the ship for you to sacrifice yourself. I’m n-not doing this without you.” Her teeth chatter as her body almost convulses with shivers, fruitlessly trying to keep itself warm. The ferocity of her speech startles Kara. It’s true, Lena could have escaped several times over. She could go on to have a wonderful life, find someone else, grow old. But she won’t. She’s neck-deep in icy water for Kara. And Kara can’t let her die.

Finally, Kara nods. “Okay. Okay, hand me the rope.”

It takes a few moments – too many for Kara’s comfort, too long for Lena to be in the water with her thin dress – but soon they’re both climbing onto the slab of wood, and after a few tense seconds, it holds both of their weights. Kara’s side dips when they move, and water laps at her back, but it’s enough.

Lena immediately pulls her closer, tangling their soaked legs together. “We n-need to share body heat. K-keep moving.” Kara squirms closer until their noses touch, their bodies moulded together in as many places as possible. Kara’s teeth start to chatter as well, as she rubs their hands together in an attempt to warm them slightly.

Her eyes dart around at the people surrounding them, and she feels helpless, powerless to stop their screams for aid. Nearby, a woman clutches a bundle to her chest as she floats, weeping. An infant. A man clinging to a wooden barrel blows a shrill whistle over and over again, yelling for the lifeboats to return. It’s overwhelming. There have to be at least a thousand people in the water.

Lena seems to be thinking the same thing. “All these people…so much loss. This shouldn’t have happened.”

Kara, overwhelmed with all the suffering, thinks of one person instead. “Lena…do you think…did Alex - ?”

“I’m sure she made it out. Maggie wouldn’t let anything happen to her.”

Kara nods, but the deep-seated worry still gnaws at her. _I should have found her, I should have done better, I should have -_

Lena lays her cold fingers on Kara’s cheek and directs her gaze back to her face.

“Look at me, Kara. Focus on me.” Lena kisses her gently – on her lips, her nose, her forehead. Kara feels herself calming slightly at the comforting gesture. Lena is here. Lena is alive, and that’s something.

Kara closes her eyes, and prays that some of the rescue boats will have mercy.

* * *

 

It’s so quiet. It seems like only moments ago that the water around them was churning frantically, the air rent with pleas for help and frightened screams. Now, there’s only deadly silence.

When Lena’s eyes focus somewhere over Kara’s shoulder, she’s met with a sea of still, white bodies. Men, women, children – nobody spared from the freezing water. She and Kara float like an island in a mass graveyard.

Her eyes shift back to Kara’s face. Her eyes are closed, Lena notes with worry, and she can see frost on her delicate eyelashes. She looks pale – much too pale. Lena feels a shot of fear.

“Kara.” Her voice comes out in a croak, quiet and raspy. She tries again, louder this time.

“Kara!” there’s no response. Heart pounding now, Lena shakes her rapidly.

_No. No. No. Wake up._

“Kara! Wake up!” Her voice is loud with panic, and it only starts to abate when she sees Kara’s brow furrow, and the smoke of her breath as she exhales with a soft groan. Lena might have cried with relief, if every liquid in her body didn’t feel frozen.

“Look at me, Kara. Open your eyes.” Kara’s eyes crack open, unfocused and groggy. She stares listlessly at Lena’s mouth for a moment before she blinks a few times and her eyes meet Lena’s.

 Lena kisses her forehead. “You can’t fall asleep. We need to stay awake, for when the boats come. Okay?”

Kara’s voice is scratchy as well when she answers. “Okay.”

Lena can tell that Kara is struggling. Kara’s body has seen a lot of abuse in the last few hours, between her arrest and her fight with Mon-El, and Lena herself is only being kept alert by adrenaline and the fear of losing her.

_I need to keep her awake._

“Tell me…tell me about all the things we’re going to do when we get to New York.” Lena smooths her hand over Kara’s frozen hair. She can’t feel the cold anymore – she isn’t sure whether she’s grateful or not.

Kara manages a smile. It causes a small split in her dry lower lip and warm blood fills the crack, but she doesn’t seem to notice the pain.

“Gonna…find a place to live. Together. F-find a warm place.” Lena can see it in her mind – a tiny apartment, barely enough room for the two of them. She imagines sleeping next to Kara every night, Kara teaching her to cook. A real life together. She feels a yearning so deep that it feels like a physical ache.

“That sounds good. What else?”

Kara’s eyes start to drift closed, and Lena cups her cheek. “Kara? Tell me more.”

“We’ll see the Statue of Liberty. And – and –“ Kara’s voice cracks slightly. “I want you to meet Eliza.”

“Your foster mother?” Lena’s heart breaks for Kara, at the reminder of everything she could lose.

“Yeah. She’d – she’d love you. Want you to meet her right away.”

“Of course. We’ll go, with Alex. As soon as we can.”

Kara nods. Her eyes close again, and Lena shakes her shoulder.

“Stay with me, Kara. What else? Will you take me to Santa Monica?” Lena’s words are slightly slurred now. It takes a huge effort to keep herself cognizant enough to keep talking at all.

“Yeah. The ocean is – is warm there.”

Lena manages a chuckle. “Will we swim in it?”

“Yeah. Bathing suits. I’d like that.”

There’s a pause, and Lena watches Kara breathe evenly. She wants these things Kara describes with a ferocity she’d never known before. She wants this life with Kara.

“Sing to me.”

“What?” Kara seems confused.

“Sing to me, Kara. Please? I – I can’t stand the silence.”

“…okay.” Kara takes a breath, and quietly she starts to sing. Lena feels joy fill her as she recognizes the song.

“Come Josephine…in my flying machine…” Kara’s voice cracks on the higher note, and she pauses, exhaustion showing in her features. Lena joins her.

“Going up she goes…” Kara’s voice blends with hers again. “Up she goes…” She feels like the Lena who first sang that song with Kara is a world away, now. She had been afraid, already in love and scared to take the leap. Kara made her brave. Brave enough, she muses, to literally leap out of a lifeboat and back onto a doomed ship.

As Kara’s singing trails off into muted sniffles, Lena hears something else. It sounds like splashing – rhythmic splashing, stark against the oppressive silence. After a moment, it stops, and Lena’s hopes die down.

_I must be going insane. Does hypothermia make you hear things?_

“I’m so cold…” Kara’s voice sounds small, and almost defeated. “I can’t feel my body.”

“I know. I know. Just a little longer.” Lena finds herself saying it despite her suspicion that there will be no rescue. It’s harder to form words now, her tongue feeling heavy and slow. Kara’s voice sounds muted, like Lena’s ears are full of static. She shakes her head to clear it as Kara shifts closer, the water lapping at each of them as the wood settles again. Kara touches their noses together, her breath coming in short puffs.

“Lena…I need you to know. Winning that ticket w-was the best thing that ever happened to me. It – it brought me to you.”

Lena feels tears spring to her eyes. She didn’t think she could cry when she was this cold. They burn as they track down her face, blazing sensation through the numbness. Like Kara. Kara had blazed into her life and obliterated the icy walls around her heart.

“I’m so glad it did, Kara. You changed my life. You changed me.” She grasps Kara’s hands more tightly, and kisses her stiff fingers. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here with you.”

She thinks of all the lifeboats, floating somewhere nearby. All those people who listened to half the ship dying and did nothing. They aren’t coming to help. She and Kara might not make it until morning, but Lena feels glad that she wasn’t one of them. If she was safe in a boat right now, listening to the silence of mass death and knowing that Kara could be out there – well.

_I don’t regret my choice. I’d rather die here than live there._

As she thinks it, a woman’s voice rings out over the still water, clear as a bell even through the fog in Lena’s head.

“Is there anyone alive out there?”

* * *

 

There isn’t even a breath of wind on the water as their group of lifeboats floats together, listening to the screaming.

Maggie hasn’t let go of Alex’s hand since they launched. Hers is still covered in crusted blood, but she doesn’t want to let go even long enough to dip her hands in the water to rinse it off. The doctor had stitched Alex up as best he could to stop the bleeding, and now all they could do was keep her warm until a rescue ship came, hopefully with a stocked infirmary on board. Alex’s hands are cold, but she’s still breathing evenly. Maggie watches her face raptly, occasionally putting a hand to her forehead for no reason other than to try to feel useful.

Cat sits next to her, rubbing Maggie’s back almost mindlessly as she stares at the place the Titanic disappeared under the water. A vein is standing out in her neck – Maggie gets the feeling that she’s ready to explode.

As they rowed away from the ship, Cat and Maggie had both demanded that the crewman in charge turn the boat around. They had more room, and it became more and more apparent the further away they got just how many people were left on the ship, but he had protested.

 

_“Are you blind? Do you see how many people are in the water already? We have to go back –“_

_“We can’t go back, or they’ll swamp the boat. It’s our lives, now, not theirs. Now sit down!”_

_Cat turns to the women in the boat, most of them crying as they move further from their doomed husbands._

_“Don’t any of you care? Those are your men up there!” She’s met with silence. Maggie can sense her intense disappointment._

_“So be it. In an hour, when you’re listening to them die, remember this moment.”_

The cries for help, which were almost cacophonous a few minutes ago, are starting to fade. Either people are starting to drown, or they’re realizing that nobody is coming for them. Both options make Maggie sick with anger.

_Everyone who had a hand in this should go to hell._

She thinks of her friends – of James and Winn and Lucy, of Kara and Lena. All of them were still on the ship when she left. All of them are in that water. She sees none of them in their small armada of rescue craft, and only a few lifeboats are unaccounted for. Most of the boats here are only half loaded – one boat has only 12 people in it. Most of them are obviously upper class. Maggie seethes with hatred. From what Maggie can see, only 2 boats were loaded to capacity, and one of them is likely only because it was the last boat to leave the ship.

In the distance, Maggie hears the sharp cry of an infant, and a woman in the boat next to them puts her hands over her ears. Beside her, Cat tenses, and finally stands up.

“We need to go back. Now.”

The officer in charge of their boat scoffs. “I told you, we’re not going anywhere.”

With clear derision in her tone, Cat fires back at him.

“Be quiet.” She turns to address another crewman a few boats away, in charge of the only boat filled to capacity, who is busy organizing the sharing of coats and blankets.

“You. Competent female officer. What’s your name?”

The woman looks up, seeming surprised to be called out directly. “Me?”

“Do you see anyone else with a properly loaded lifeboat?”

“I’m…Vasquez, ma’am.”

“Vasquez. We need to go back and help those people.” Vasquez opens her mouth to answer, but she’s interrupted. One of the well-dressed men in another boat speaks up, trying to cover his obvious fear with bluster.

“Are you mad? We’re in the middle of the North Atlantic! There’s hundreds of them, if you go anywhere near –“

Cat interjects loudly. “Was there something in my tone that indicated that I was speaking to you?” She pins him with a glare so sharp that he backs down, grumbling. “Now, Vasquez. There’s plenty of room in these boats. You know this. Empty a few, and go save as many of those poor souls as you can.”

Vasquez doesn’t hesitate. As if she’d been waiting for someone to speak up, she starts to organize the emptying of the sparser boats.

“Right! Transfer everyone from this boat over there. If there’s any blankets free, give me those as well. These people are going to be cold.”

“Now listen here, you bitch –“ The terse officer in front of Maggie points at Vasquez, clearly trying to intimidate her into staying.

Fed up, Cat raises her voice from her seat beside Maggie.

“Oh, close your mouth you _insignificant_ man, or so help me there will be one more body in the water, and I will watch you freeze to death with pleasure.” Vasquez hides the ghost of a satisfied smile, and nods her thanks.

It takes some time to organize the movement of passengers, and by the time Vasquez and a few other volunteers finally start to row away, the noise is almost gone entirely. It’s too dark for Maggie to see the mass of people they’re heading towards, but they can all hear the silence. It’s oppressive. After the uproar caused by Cat, it’s even more pronounced.

It’s this increasingly stifling silence that makes Maggie aware of the tiniest sounds that break it. A cough from someone a few boats over, a forlorn sniffle from a child nearby. And, increasing in volume, the sound of splashing.

_Vasquez can’t be back already._

Maggie raises her eyes from Alex’s pale face to squint into the darkness. The splashing continues, coming closer, until Maggie can see a large shape in the distance, around which the water is disturbed as it moves slowly in their direction. She almost jumps out of the boat when she hears a wonderfully familiar voice call out.

“A little help over here?”

“Winn?!” Maggie half-stands, making the boat move and the people around her grumble. “Winn, is that you?”

“Maggie!” Maggie feels bone-deep relief as she hears Lucy’s voice as well.

“God. Oh, thank god. Luce, is James with you?”

The shape moves closer and a few of the crewmen shine their flashlights in its direction – Maggie can see that it’s a boat, upside down and mangled but still floating. There’s a large crack down the centre, and a group of people cling to the slippery bottom. On top of it balances James, his long arms reaching down with a paddle to inch the wrecked mass through the water.

“We’ve got more people over here!” One of the crewman shouts, and as the broken boat comes closer, they make room for the 20 or so people on it. James insists on helping the crewmen rearrange, and Lucy and Winn end up close to Maggie. She has to restrain herself from leaping over into their boat to throw her arms around them.

“God, I thought – I didn’t see you here, and I thought you were –“

“I thought so too, honestly.” Lucy looks exhausted, almost haunted, but alive. “There were still hundreds of us on board when the last of the boats left. We’d probably be in the water if it wasn’t for Winn here.”

Winn shrugs. “Those morons broke the first collapsible boat they tried to set up. Left it on the deck, all useless. I figured it would still float. It was just a matter of getting it into the water without killing ourselves.”

“How did you do it?”

“Basically, we waited until our part of the ship went underwater, and hoped for the best. Let the water come to us. And it still floated, as long as it was overturned. We picked up a few people on the way.” He nods towards the shivering people being transferred to new boats. “The amount of people who weren’t getting off that ship…”

“Yeah.” Maggie’s heart still feels heavy, but she can’t deny that having her friends safe has helped.

“How’s Alex?”

“Alive. She’s lost a lot of blood, but the doctor says it looks good, as long as she gets to a real infirmary soon.”

“Did you ever find Kara?”

Maggie sighs. “No. She’s not here. And neither is Lena.”

Winn winces. “Well…this isn’t all the boats, right? There’s a few still unaccounted for, who rowed too far out or in the other direction. They could have…”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

They’re all silent at that, looking out towards where the ship disappeared.

“We should have – we should have looked for them. We didn’t even – we just took off, we had time to –“ Lucy’s voice is choked. Her knuckles are white, gripping the side of the boat.

“It’s not your fault, Luce. You probably would have died if you had.”

Maggie keeps her eyes on the distance and hopes, for Alex’s sake, that Kara isn’t one of those screaming people.

* * *

Everything feels…muffled. Like it’s coming from a long distance, or like she’s still underwater. Kara is vaguely aware of motion around her, of something entering her field of vision, but it’s so hard to concentrate. She’s so _cold._

She only starts to notice her surroundings when she feels Lena’s hand leave hers.

 _No…no._ She needs to stay with Lena. She needs to protect Lena. She can’t let go of her hand. _I promised. I promised I wouldn’t let go._

She struggles to focus, reaching out to hold Lena’s coat. “Wh-where – Lena –“

Lena takes her hands again, leaning close so that Kara can focus on her face. She’s deadly pale and her dark hair is frozen in tangled strands, but her eyes are bright again, brighter than they’ve been since before they went into the water. She’s saying something, and Kara struggles to listen.

“Kara. Kara, there’s a boat. We have to make noise.”

_A boat?_

“Kara, focus on me. We need to make noise. We need them to hear us. We’re so close.”

_Make noise._

Lena starts to splash at the water beside her, calling out in a quiet voice, and Kara moves her frozen limbs until her hands touch the water. She flails as much as she can – the water feels like it’s burning her fingers.

“It’s not working. They’re rowing away, no – come back –“ Lena sounds scared again, and Kara feels something inside her fire up in response.

_Not working. Have to be louder._

_Have to save Lena._

Opening her mouth, Kara tries to yell, but all that comes out is a broken whisper.

“H-help. Here – we’re –“ As she splashes her hand in the water, Kara spots the metal cuff still fixed on her wrist. With a quick movement, she hits it on the wood, and it makes a loud clack.

Lena startles at the loud sound. “Do that again. Hard, hit it hard.” Kara does, raising her wrist and pounding it over and over into the wood, the sound reverberating over the sea of bodies. She musters every bit of strength she has left and hits metal onto wood until she can feel pain reverberating up into her arm, cutting through the numbness with sharp pulses. The movement brings her voice back, and she raises it as much as she can with each hit. She has no idea if she’s actually forming words or just yelling nonsense, but it doesn’t matter. Not as long as they’re heard.

And then, finally, _finally,_ a flashlight beam swings around to shine on them.

“Over here! We’ve got survivors! Turn the boat around, there’s movement over there –“

Even as Kara hears the words she doesn’t comprehend them, she keeps hitting and hitting until Lena grabs her wrist. “They’re coming. Kara. They’re coming for us. We did it. We did it.” Lena is delirious, holding Kara’s wrist and repeating the phrase until the boat glides by, close enough to touch.

Kara feels hands reaching for her, pulling her up, but she pushes them off – “No, Lena, Lena first, get Lena –“

And then she’s lying on solid wood, flashlights bright in her eyes, as blankets are wrapped around her. A small but well-built woman is rubbing her arms, yelling instructions. _Where’s Lena?_

She sees her being hauled out of the water, dripping and coughing, and lurches towards her. Her knees drag painfully on the uneven bottom of the boat but she doesn’t care – everything is fuzzy except for Lena. Lena kept her alive. She takes off her own blanket and puts it over Lena’s shoulders, taking her face in her hands. She’s alive, and real, and they’re out of the water.

Time seems to blur after that. Kara and Lena lie together under their blankets, and a few other people are pulled into the boat. The stars above them shine brightly, and the woman who pulled them out – Vasquez, she introduces herself as – hands them a flask. The liquid burns Kara’s throat and warms her from the inside. The world comes into sharper focus, and Kara takes another swig before she gives it to Lena.

“I think…that’s everyone. There’s no more.” Vasquez says heavily from the bow of the little craft. She doesn’t hide her pain as she looks out on what Kara can now see are hundreds upon hundreds of bodies.

“Why?” Kara surprises herself by asking. Her voice is still quiet, but it’s audible. Lena starts to nod off on her shoulder, overwhelmed by keeping Kara alive all night, and Kara reassures herself with the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Vasquez looks back at her, startled. “Why…what?”

“Why did you come back? Why did you take so long? Why did the rest leave us to die?”

The questions hit Vasquez like a punch in the gut. She visibly flinches. “I…I can’t really answer that. Not for them. They were afraid people would pull the boats under, I think. Some of us wanted to go, but…people were scared.”

“And why are you here?” Kara’s voice is stronger, now. “Why did you even try?”

“Thank Cat Grant for that. That woman is more terrifying than the threat of death.”

Cat. Of course. Kara should have known that despite the ship going under, Cat Grant would be truly unsinkable.

“Well. Thank you, Vasquez.”

Vasquez shakes her head. “Don’t. Don’t thank me. I…should have done more. I could have stood up, said something. This boat could be full.”

Kara nods. “Maybe. But the fact that you’re one of only two officers here means something. You saved my life.”

Vasquez is quiet at that. Quietly, so quietly that Kara almost doesn’t hear it, she whispers to the dark as they row away from the scene.

“We waited too long. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.”

Kara nods solemnly. She thinks of J’onn and his despair, of all the people she cares about who could be dead. The people she couldn’t help. “I don’t think any of us will.”

After that, the only sounds Kara hears are the slap of the oars on the water and Lena’s breathing beside her. She pulls her closer, needing the reminder. They’re alive. She still has no sensation in her hands or feet and she can only just start to feel the ends of her frozen hair starting to thaw and drip down her back, but they’re alive.

Soon enough, Kara can see the outline of a small fleet of rescue boats on the horizon. The sky is starting to lighten, and Kara rests her cheek on the side of the boat as she looks at them all. The survivors huddle together against the cold, some of them looking towards Vasquez with hope, others with guilt. A few look with anger. Kara feels all of those things in return. Anger is the first.

_You left us. You all left us._

She knows that there weren’t enough boats for everyone. But there’s still room here, Kara can see it. They could have saved more. They could have done _more._

But she finds herself hoping to see Alex in the sea of faces. She hadn’t seen even a hint of her on the ship, or any of her friends, but she has to have hope. It’s the only thing that can strangle the creeping thoughts that have plagued her since they found out the Titanic was sinking – the thoughts that tell her Alex is dead, and it’s her fault.

As they row slowly around to rejoin the group, bright flashlights and the slowly lightening sky reveal more faces. Kara tries to meet the eyes of each person who wanted to leave her to die, but one particular pale face comes into focus, and their eyes connect. She takes in the dark hair and tired eyes, wide as they stare at her, until her brain finally catches up with her sight and Kara feels a thrill of recognition.

_“Maggie!”_

* * *

 

Alex starts to stir about 10 minutes after Vasquez leaves, and Maggie feels her heart lift. It starts to sink again when she realizes the first thing Alex is going to ask.

Alex’s brow creases as her eyes open and adjust to the dark. “Maggie – where – what’s going on?” Her voice is weak, and Maggie has to lean close to hear it.

“We’re on a lifeboat, waiting for the rescue ship. We’re okay. You’re okay.”

“Where’s Kara?” There it is. Maggie takes a deep breath before speaking.

“I…don’t know, Alex. She’s not here right now. But there’s a few boats we haven’t found yet, and someone is out there right now helping people out of the water.”

“She’s…not here?” Alex struggles to sit up, grunting with pain, until Maggie and Cat push her gently back down.

“You should be resting.” Cat tuts quietly, tucking her coat back around Alex’s shoulders.

“I should – Kara’s out there. I need to –“

“You _need_ to lay back, before you lose any more blood. There’s nothing we can do right now but wait.” Even Alex can’t argue with Cat’s tone, and she stops struggling.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I wanted to look for her but you were bleeding so much, you – you would have died.” Maggie’s voice wavers as she clasps Alex’s hands tightly in her own.

_Please forgive me._

Alex takes a few measured breaths. “It’s…it’s okay, Maggie. She’s out there. She’s not dead, I’d know if she was. You did your best. I mean, you saved my life.” She looks so sure that Maggie can’t help but believe her. “Are you okay?”

Maggie laughs, feeling her heart kick harder for this amazing, ridiculous woman. “Am I okay? Are you kidding? You got shot.”

“I missed out on all the action, apparently.”

“Yeah. You’re lucky you did. It was, uh. It was pretty bad, Danvers.” Maggie fights to even out her voice as she recalls the screech of the ship breaking, the screams, the gradual silence.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” Cat says, her fierce persona breaking for the first time into something softer as she stares into the night.

Alex turns towards Cat. “And, um. Who are you?”

“Cat Grant.”

Alex blinks. “…oh.”

“You must be an incredible woman to inspire the kind of loyalty that Miss Sawyer here displayed, getting you onto this boat.”

Maggie brushes off the comment. “We wouldn’t have gotten in at all if it hadn’t been for Cat. She pointed a gun at the guard.”

“She…what?”

“He was being an ass.”

Alex laughs, and then winces slightly as it jars her injury. “Why would you do that for me?”

Before Cat can answer, the hushed conversation is broken as someone calls out, points to the returning rescue boat. A flashlight swings around to point at it. Vasquez is at the helm and Maggie can see a few people inside, but too few. There can’t be more than 6 or 7 people wrapped in blankets, out of the hundreds they heard yelling for help. Maggie feels sick again.

“What is it?” Alex tries to sit up again, but Cat’s hand is on her chest in an instant.

“The rescue boat.” As they come closer, Maggie tries to subtly look at the faces of the new survivors. Most of them are swaddled in blankets, and a few seem to be lying down. Of those sitting up, she can see two men, their facial hair frozen as they shiver, and two women wrapped up together near the bow. One of the women looks towards them, laying her face on the side of the boat as she stares almost blankly in their direction. Maggie squints through the dark – she can see blonde hair under a layer of frost. Hope blooms in her chest, but she doesn’t voice it.

_Wait until you can see her face. Alex will be crushed if it isn’t her._

As she thinks it, the boat comes close enough that Maggie can see her features. Long blonde hair, blue eyes, a strong jaw. A flashlight passes over her face again, and Maggie’s heart leaps.

_It’s Kara._

As she thinks it, Kara’s eyes meet hers. For a moment, the stare is blank, until startling recognition dawns and Kara sits up abruptly, dislodging the woman on her shoulder. _God, please say that’s Lena._ Maggie can barely dare to hope that all of them made it out of this disaster, but as the woman straightens up and frowns in her direction, Maggie can see black hair and pale skin.

_Thank god. Thank god._

_“Maggie!”_ Kara calls out in a hoarse voice, practically climbing over the side of the boat. “Maggie, where’s Alex? _Is Alex with you?”_

“Kara?!” Alex sits up like a shot now, pain ignored as she hears her sister’s voice. She looks around wildly, and Maggie points in Kara’s direction to guide her eyes.

“ _Alex!_ Oh thank god, Alex, I thought – I thought – I tried to look for you, I swear, but I was locked up, and the boats -“ Maggie can hear the tears in Kara’s voice as she tries valiantly to pull the boat into its place among the others herself. Maggie tries to calm her from a distance – she can tell Kara is about ready to jump over the side and swim to get to Alex.

“It’s okay, Kara, we’re fine. James and Lucy are here too, and Winn. We’re all here.”

Maggie can hear Lena speaking in low tones as Vasquez calls for more blankets for the other survivors in her boat. “They’re here, Kara. We all made it. Did you hear? Alex is okay.” Through her words, Maggie hears Kara’s soul-wracking, overwhelmed sobs echo over the still water. “We’re okay. We’re all okay.”

Maggie can hardly believe it herself. Alex is smiling, and so is Cat, as much as she seems to be trying to conceal it.

Vasquez, hearing their emotional reunion, says something to the other officer, who nods. Slowly, her boat makes its way around and comes to rest beside theirs, and Vasquez ties them together, giving Maggie a wan smile as Kara reaches frantically over the edge to find Alex’s outstretched hand. She leans her forehead against it, still crying, and Lena lays gentle, soothing kisses on her shoulders.

“God, Alex, I was so worried. I hadn’t seen you all day, and we couldn’t find you, so much happened! Why – why are you lying down? What’s on your shirt – Alex, are you _bleeding_?”

Alex huffs affectionately, unable to get a word in edgewise with Kara’s rambling, and Cat pipes in. “Give your sister a moment to breathe, Keira.”

“…Miss Grant? What – why – “

“Relax, Kara. We’ve got lots of time to trade stories.” Maggie feels like she can breathe properly for the first time in hours.

Kara nods, and tightens her grip on Lena and on her sister’s hand. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Alex.”

“Me too, kiddo. Both of you.”

* * *

The Carpathia arrives with the dawn.

While Kara sits stoically awake and holds her sister’s hand for the remainder of the night, Lena dozes on her shoulder, the night finally catching up to her. She feels exhausted, but the few times she starts drifting forwards real sleep she jerks awake at the sound of the sea lapping the boat, half-convinced she and Kara are still in the water, terrified that this was all some sort of dying fever dream. Each time, she reaches wildly for Kara with still-numb hands, and each time Kara tightens her arm around her and kisses her forehead, grounding her firmly in reality.

Beside them, Lucy stares at a point somewhere on the horizon, worrying her thumb over the palm of her hand rhythmically. Winn has his head between his knees. James, having run out of things to keep himself busy, sits completely still. There’s nothing left to do but wait. Wait to die, or wait to live.

As the horizon turns pink and a pale sunlight starts to illuminate their tired faces, Lena is startled back to wakefulness by loud yelling. A few of the crewmen are standing up, waving emergency flares. Following their eyeline, Lena spots it – a ship approaching. Safety. It’s small and plain, much smaller than the Titanic, but it’s the most beautiful thing Lena has ever seen.

 _Well, besides Kara_ , Lena thinks as Kara smiles down at her, pointing to the Carpathia.

Even climbing up swinging rope ladders with frozen hands isn’t enough to dampen Lena’s relief at getting onto something solid again. She feels like death and she absolutely knows she’s going to get sick once she has time to relax, but Kara is behind her, Alex is being lifted onto the deck in a net to be sent immediately to the ship’s surgeon, and somehow, miraculously, everyone she’s come to care about is going to be okay.

As people crowd the Carpathia’s deck, she finds herself feeling more and more grateful for that fact as she watches women and children crying desolately, wandering the ship and asking after their lost family members. She’s vaguely aware of more blankets being put on her and someone handing her a steaming mug of something, but everything is blurry except for Kara’s strong grip. Even when a medic tries to separate them for treatment, Lena refuses to let go.

Maggie refuses to be away from Alex for too long, as well. Eventually, they let her and Kara into the infirmary until both are satisfied with her level of care. Lena sits on a bench outside the infirmary with Lucy, Winn and James leaning on the railing nearby, trying to tune out the wailing of children and the constant questions from hopeful widows, and failing miserably.

Most people, it seems, have only a grasping idea of the enormity of the disaster. Either that, or they’re unable to accept the reality of the death toll. Even Lena struggles to comprehend it, until two Carpathia officers walk by and she overhears the final count of Titanic survivors brought onto the ship.

“So that’s 202 from First Class, 118 from Second Class. Have you made a tally of steerage passengers?”

“Yes, sir. 178.”

“And crew?”

“212 crewmen aboard, sir.”

“And that puts the total at?”

“Only 710.”

“Christ…” The man rubs his eyes tiredly. “Right. Go find the passenger manifest, and start recording names. We’ll need to identify the dead.”

The men pass by and Lena reels in shock, trying to process that horrifying math. 710, out of over 2200. 1500 people had died that night, either trapped on the ship as it sank or in the water with Kara and herself. Outside of a war, she’s never heard of that many people dying in one fell swoop. She feels the pain of it all at once, the pain of 1500 people who were failed by a corporation that claimed infallibility, their bodies left floating on the open ocean.

As she catches her breath, Kara emerges from the infirmary and comes immediately to Lena’s side. She looks at Lena in alarm, not having heard the officers talking.

“Lena? Are you okay?”

“No. No, I’m not.” Lena’s composure is swiftly evaporating, and Kara’s gentle concern is only making it go faster. “1500 people died. Only 700 of us were rescued.”

“God…” Kara breathes, pulling her close. She tucks her head into Kara’s shoulder, breathing deep and trying to calm down. In her periphery, Lena sees Lucy stand up suddenly, starting to pace.

“All those people. And even the people here, like us – they lost everything. Someone should _do_ something. Make them pay. Help their families. This shouldn’t have happened.” Lucy looks determined, passionate as she practically wears a groove in the deck.

“Yeah. But what can we do about it?” Winn looks pale and stricken. “I mean, we’re a group of poor people. Like you said, we have nothing. Most of us don’t even have anyone waiting for us when we arrive.”

Lucy stops her pacing, looking thoughtful. She turns to Winn, answering his question with another question.

“What do you think is the best law school in New York?”

While they discuss the question, Kara stands and makes her way towards the railing to look at the ocean disappearing behind them. Lena follows and leans into Kara’s side, a blanket still wrapped around her shoulders.

“I still can’t believe any of this.” Kara whispers, laying her head on top of Lena’s. “The ship sinking, or all of us coming through. I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up and it’s all been a dream.”

“I keep thinking that as soon as I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and be back in the water.” Lena murmurs back. “That you’ll be…that I’ll have lost you.” Kara’s arm loops around her, squeezing her comfortingly.

After a few moments of quiet, Kara whispers something, almost too quietly for Lena to hear.

“Did you mean it?”

Lena frowns. “Did I mean what?”

“When you said…if you could do it all again, that you’d choose me. Did you really…?” Kara fidgets with her free hand, tapping it on the railing. “You did say it when you thought we were going to die. After everything…I’d understand if you wanted to go back. Alex and I – we have nothing. Literally, now.” She says it stoically, but Lena can see the tension in her clenched jaw and straight shoulders.

“Kara.” Lena moves, sliding so that she’s between Kara and the railing. Kara keeps staring out at the water, her face tight. “I made my choice long before I thought we would die. And I made it over and over again. I want you.”

Kara finally looks at Lena, her face softening in obvious relief. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Lena smiles, kissing her gently.

Kara pulls her into a fierce hug, and Lena thanks whoever is listening that she didn’t lose this.

As Lena burrows into Kara’s neck, she looks up towards the nearby deck stairs, and her eyes fall on an entirely unwelcome figure. Mon-El, his face swollen and purple but still recognizable, is descending from the upper decks and looking determined.

“Shit.” Lena whispers, immediately reaching to the blanket at her shoulders and pulling it up around her head like a hood. “Don’t look around.”

“What?” Kara, to her credit, stifles her obvious impulse to turn around and look. “What’s wrong?”

“Mon-El is here. He’s probably looking for me.”

“How the hell - ?” Kara’s question is cut off by Lena walking quickly over to a small group of other survivors and sitting down among them, pulling Kara with her.

“Cover your face.” She pulls her own blanket over Kara’s shoulders as well, pulling it up and turning away from Mon-El. “He’ll recognize your hair.”

Together they huddle with baited breath. Lena chances a quick look past their shelter of bodies, and sees Mon-El with his back to them. A uniformed man approaches him, seeming concerned.

“Sir, I don’t think you’ll find any of your people down here - this is all steerage.” Mon-El waves him off, still sweeping the deck with his eyes. He passes over them without a second glance. To him, they’re just two more lowly steerage passengers. The Lena that he’s looking for is gone.

Finally, he seems to make up his mind and nods to himself, heading back up to rejoin the first class. Lena can’t tell whether he’s disappointed or relieved. She does know, however, that his part in her life is over.

“That was close.” Kara breathes, still whispering as if Mon-El will hear her voice from across the ship. Lena thinks of Lillian, and wonders how she’ll react when Mon-El returns to tell her that Lena is most likely dead.

_I wonder how Jess will react._

Lena feels a twinge at that thought. Jess is the closest thing she’s ever had to a real friend, and Lillian has never treated her well. Without Lena there, she has no idea what will happen to her.

“You okay?” Kara asks, following Lena’s line of sight towards the stairs.

“Yes. No. I – I was thinking about Jess.”

“Your maid?”

“Yes. And my friend. Lillian will probably fire her, without me around. Maybe worse. I’m…worried about her.”

“Well, we should go find her.”

Lucy and James appear at her side, looking curious. “We were wondering where you went. Find who?”

“Jess. She’ll probably be with Lillian. I want to make sure she’s alright, or at least say goodbye, but if Kara or I go try to find her –“

“I’ll go look.” Lucy volunteers easily. “They won’t recognize me. What does she look like?”

Lucy bounds up the stairs as soon as Lena finishes her description. She worries her lip with her teeth, staring after her. Kara seems to sense her anxiety.

“She’ll be fine. She’s smart. And I bet Jess will be okay.”

Lena isn’t sure how long she expected the whole endeavour to take, but she definitely isn’t expecting Lucy to come bounding down the stairs less than 5 minutes later with a shell-shocked and slightly blushing Jess in tow.

“Found her!” Lucy calls, pulling Jess behind her by the hand. Jess’ blush noticeably deepens. When she sees Lena, her face splits into a relieved smile.

“Lena!” To her surprise, she throws her arms around Lena’s shoulders. Lena hugs her back fiercely.

“I’m so glad you’re all right, Jess.”

“Me? Lucy told me they pulled you out of the water. Are you all right?” Jess looks over her worriedly for a moment, straightening her hair and pulling her coat tighter. Lena laughs, swatting Jess’ hands away.

“Jess, you aren’t my maid anymore. You don’t need to fuss over me.”

“I’m always going to fuss over you.”

Lucy pipes in, slinging a casual arm around Jess’ shoulders. “I told Jess she’s welcome to stay with us instead of whatever the hell Lillian has planned for her. My sister Lois offered to host whoever I bring with me. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast!” Jess blushes again, subtly moving closer to Lucy.

“You’re coming with us?” Lena can hardly believe Lucy’s words. Jess can’t possibly want to _leave_ her position with Lillian, can she? Leave a steady job with decent pay, for an uncertain future? It’s madness.

“Well, Lucy was pretty convincing. She said you wouldn’t mind?” Jess looks a bit unsure.

“Of course! I’d love for you to – I just didn’t think you’d want to leave, not for me.”

Jess looks at Lena incredulously. “Are you kidding? Of course I do. I could have left the Luthors years ago – I’ve had a few other job offers. I stayed because you’re my friend.”

Lena’s eyes get unexpectedly watery at the admission, and she covers her sudden burst of emotion by hugging Jess again. Finally, she voices what she hopes Jess had understood back on the Titanic.

“Thank you, Jess. For everything.”

* * *

By the time they get a glimpse of land again, they’ve been on the Carpathia for almost 6 full days. Alex is recovering well, and is even walking by herself in small intervals, Maggie never far behind her. The quarters are cramped and she’s fairly sure that Lena has barely slept since they came on board, but Kara thanks her lucky stars every day she wakes up to find her friends around her, her sister on the mend, and Lena tucked safely into her side.

It’s nearing dusk and Winn, Maggie, and Jess are engrossed in a card game with a few other passengers when James points at the horizon.

“Look! Lights, in the distance. Do you guys see? It’s New York.”

They all scramble up and lean over the railing, taking in the distant skyline. Maggie supports Alex as she makes her way over more slowly. It’s Kara’s first taste of home in years. Even Lena looks excited, despite her exhaustion.

“Whatever happens when we get to New York, we all stick together after this. Right?” Lucy says, looking at each of them in turn. “This is the kind of shit that bonds people for life.”

Kara laughs. “I don’t think we could get rid of you if we tried, Luce.”

“Damn right!”

When the Carpathia pulls into port, Lena’s eyes get wider and wider as the Statue of Liberty looms over them.

“I didn’t expect it to be so…big. Is it on its own island?”

Kara grins, kissing her head. “Yup. We’ll go there, and you can see how tall it really is.” Lena beams at her, and Kara feels her heart get lighter.

_We’re going to be okay. We have time._

The first class passengers disembark first, and from her place at the railing, Lena can see Cat Grant descend the gangplank, looking every bit the Queen of all Media even in a bloodstained dress. She looks oddly satisfied as she passes a boy selling newspapers with accurate headlines about the disaster. A few moments later, Lena sees Mon-El and Lillian emerge as well.

Lillian clings to Mon-El’s arm as they walk, and Kara feels a vicious happiness when she sees that Lillian looks downright terrified. She’s lost everything, Kara realizes – all her belongings were on the Titanic and now she’s lost Lena as well, her ticket to security. She has nothing. She's destitute, without Mon-El. Mon-El himself looks tense and irritated, and he shakes Lillian off when they reach land, leaving her behind. She hesitates for a moment, and then follows, disappearing into the massive crowd that waits on the pier. Kara feels a comforting sense of finality settle over her.

“Why are all these people here?” Kara wonders aloud. “How did they find out?”

“I have no idea. Somehow, I feel like Cat had a hand in it.” Lena muses.

Before they disembark, a man with a clipboard approaches them.

“Can I take your names please, ladies?”

Each of them rattles off their name until only Lena is left. Kara looks at her nervously. If she gives her real name, there’s a greater chance of Lillian finding her somehow. She hesitates, and then answers.

“Dawson. Lena Dawson.”

The man nods, writing the name down and continuing down the line.

“Dawson?” Maggie asks, intrigued.

“Yes. It’s my…real last name. Before I became a Luthor. My mother’s last name was Dawson. I’d almost forgotten, until now.” Kara squeezes her hand, and Lena looks almost…relieved. Like reclaiming her last name was a final step away from the life she wants to leave behind. Kara feels fierce pride fill her.

By the time the steerage passengers are finally allowed to leave, the crowd has swelled even more. People hold signs with the names of loved ones, some embracing survivors and others looking scared as the last of them leave the ship and they see no familiar faces.

“We need to find Clark. He’s a reporter for Catco, so maybe we’ll find him there?” Kara tries not to seem too uncertain. Alex and Maggie both nod, and Lena adjusts her grip and looks up at her with confidence.

Lucy starts off in another direction with James and Winn. “I need to find my sister. I’ll catch up with you guys!” She’s gone before they can ask how on earth they’ll find each other again.

“She’ll find us.” Maggie says, rolling her eyes. “She always does.”

As they start trying to fight through the crowd, Kara hears a familiar voice.

“Ma’am, how would you describe your experience as a survivor of one of the worst tragedies in history?”

Kara whirls around, searching for the source. “Clark?”

To her right, a dark-haired man with familiar thick-framed glasses turns in her direction, looking confused.

“…Kara?”

Kara takes off running, pulling a startled Lena behind her. She hears Alex call out after her.

“We’ll just wait here, then?”

She lets go of Lena’s hand only to throw her arms around Clark’s solid shoulders. He stumbles only a moment before hugging back. “Kara, what on earth – I didn’t know you were in New York! What are you doing here?”

Kara pulls back from the hug, hands still on his shoulders. “We came in on the Carpathia. We were – Clark, we were on the Titanic.”

Clark’s face goes from happy to concerned in a heartbeat. “What? You – where’s Alex? Did she…?”

“Alex is fine! She’s here, she’s probably just catching up. She got shot.”

_“What?!”_

Kara laughs tiredly. “We have a lot to catch up on. Any chance we can take you up on that offer to stay with you?”

“Of course! Of course you can. All of you.” Clark gestures to Lena, who stands behind Kara nervously.

“Oh! Gosh, Lena, I’m sorry – Clark, this is Lena. We met on the ship. She’s my…uh.” Kara trails off. What is Lena, exactly? ‘Partner’ seems too formal, ‘friend’ too casual. And god forbid she introduce Lena to Clark as her _lover_. Thankfully, Lena steps in.

“I’m her girlfriend.” Lena extends her hand, and Clark shakes it happily.

“Right! Yeah! My girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend.” Kara beams, and Lena smirks up at her knowingly.

Clark, ever the gentleman, rolls with it. “It’s very nice to meet you, Lena. You’re welcome to stay with us, as well. Lois went to try to find her sister. She’ll be staying with us too, as long as…well. I told her I’d wait here. I’m glad to see you, Kara.”

As he says it, the crowd parts slightly and Lucy appears, a slightly taller woman with a noticeable family resemblance in tow. When she sees Kara and Lena, she looks surprised.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“We found my cousin! Is that your sister?”

Clark looks confused. “That’s Lois, my wife. Lois, this is my cousin Kara.”

Lucy bursts into laughter, looking back at her sister. “Oh, my god. Lois, this is your husband?”

Lucy’s sister responds, looking back and forth between Lucy and Clark and seeming amused. “Yes?”

“Kara, you know what this means, right? We’re _cousins in-law._ Come here, cuz!” Lucy jumps up to hug a laughing Kara, as Clark and Lois look on in bemusement.

“Well, I guess you’re all staying with us then?” Clark looks at all eight of them – Lena and Kara holding hands, Alex and Maggie leaning on each other, Lucy and Jess, and James and Winn towards the back of the group.

“If it isn’t too much trouble?” Kara winces slightly. They make a bedraggled group, and Clark had no idea what he was signing up for when he came to the pier.

“Of course it isn’t.” Lois smiles fondly at Lucy. “We have an extra bedroom and lots of floor space. Any friends of Lucy’s are friends of ours. You’ve all been through a lot the last few days – what do you say we go get some decent food? Our treat.”

“Yes, please!” Kara practically shouts, to a chorus of laughter. She’s been hungry for days, and she can’t wait to order something indulgent and smothered in cheese.

As Lois starts to lead them away from the pier, Kara feels a hand on her arm. She’s startled to see that it belongs to Cat Grant, who has several reporters and staff already in tow.

“Miss Grant!”

At the name, Clark and Lois both turn abruptly, clearly in shock.

“Kiera. I see you’ve found your strapping cousin.” Clark visibly blushes, rubbing his neck nervously the same way Kara often does. “I won’t keep you long. I came to offer you a job.”

“A – a job?” Kara stutters, taken off guard. “You want me to work for you?”

“Yes. You have a singular quality, and it’s one I feel Catco needs. By all means, don’t decide right away – take some time to adjust. Bask in the glow of young love. Come see me when you’re ready.” With that, she hands Kara a card and turns on her heel, disappearing into a car that swiftly trundles its way towards downtown.

Kara stares blankly at the card for a moment. _A job? With Cat Grant? Am I dreaming?_

“Wow, Kara. I’ve worked at Catco for 6 years and I’ve only talked to Cat directly twice. She must really like you.” Lois looks impressed.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” Kara tucks the card into her pocket, and takes Lena’s hand again. The sunset sky is lighting up the buildings of New York, and Lena looks beautiful as she gazes around at them. The weight of the last few days is still in the back of Kara’s mind, but it feels lighter as she follows her friends into the city. Her _family_. Lena pulls her down for a soft kiss, and Kara smiles.

_Yeah. We’re going to be great._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT’S ALMOST OVER. 
> 
> And, before y’all can ask, Lena WILL find the diamond in the coat pocket in the epilogue. I left it out for a reason! Also: I know there are a few different numbers for how many people survived the Titanic, so I just chose the one I knew and went with it. The numbers range from 706-712, and some people estimate a bit higher. I chose one in the middle.
> 
> Only the epilogue is left now, and then I’m probably going to do a separate series of one-shots in this universe about their lives together in the 1920s because I can’t stop writing these two in this iteration. Hopefully you guys are interested in that! The epilogue will be done in about a week. Until then, yell at me in the comments!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’re really going to be okay, aren’t we?”
> 
> “We are. And so are a lot of other people, thanks to you.” Kara kisses her head gently.
> 
> “Thanks to us. I wouldn’t be here without you, Kara.”
> 
> Kara nods. “Whatever we do with this, we do it together.”
> 
> “Together. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue ahoy! This takes place in 1929, 17 years after the sinking and right at the beginning of the Great Depression. Lena and Kara are married (not legally, but they absolutely wear rings), and they eventually found Cora (the little girl that Kara danced with on the Titanic) in an orphanage as a young teenager and took her in. Jess and Lucy are in love, and Alex and Maggie have like 8 beautiful rescue dogs together. Kara went to work for Cat and is now Catco’s art director. Lena studied biochemistry and civil/mechanical engineering (because she’s a goddamn genius in any universe) and is now a senior partner at an engineering firm. James is a photographer with his own studio, Jess is Lena’s (very well-paid) assistant extraordinaire. Lucy became a lawyer and sued Max Lord for everything he’s worth (and then some) to help the families of Titanic victims, and then led a crusade for better maritime safety regulations. Maggie became a cop, Alex is a doctor, Winn works in R&D at Lena’s firm. (I don’t care that half these professions didn’t allow women in the 1920s, they do in this AU because this fic is self-indulgent and our girls deserve the best!)
> 
> I’m going to fill in those 17 years in my one-shot series, but here’s the warm fuzzy ending to this story! Writing this has been a wild sprint, and I’m so glad that so many people liked it.

“Miss Danvers? You have a call on the office telephone.”

Kara blinks rapidly, looking up from the layouts on her desk. Sliding her glasses back down onto her face, she feels slightly disoriented – _when did it get dark outside?_ – but she nods, standing up and making her way towards her office door.

“Thank you, Eve. Shouldn’t you be home by now?” Kara looks at her watch – 6:30. Lena should be here soon to pick her up.

“If I left, who would remind you to go home to your wife before midnight?” Eve teases, and Kara chuckles.

“True. Without you, I’d end up sleeping here. You can go now, though. I’m just going to take this call, and then I’ll be leaving as well.”

“Thank you, Ms. Danvers. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Kara shakes her head. “Actually, no. Cat insisted that I take this Saturday off.”

“Oh! Well, it’s about time, if you don’t mind me saying. You’ve been running yourself ragged the last few months.”

As they reach the office phone, Eve waves goodbye and Kara picks up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mom!”

Kara smiles in relief. “Cora. How are you? How is school going? Are you getting enough sleep? Do you need anything –“

“Mom! Slow down.” Cora laughs, and Kara treasures the sound through the static of the phone line. “I’m fine. School is good, and no, I’m not getting enough sleep. I’m a grad student.”

Kara sighs. “You really should try.”

“Did Mum get enough sleep when she was in school?”

“Well…no,” Kara admits sheepishly. “She didn’t sleep unless I forced her to.”

“Exactly.” Kara can hear voices in the background, and the muffled sound of Cora answering a question before she speaks again. “Is Mum there yet?”

“No, not yet. She’s late. Probably still shopping for tonight.”

“Make sure you tell Aunt Jess ‘happy birthday’ from me, and tell her I’m sorry for missing it. It’s exam season, and I really can’t leave.”

“We know, sweetie. I’ll tell her.”

There’s a slight pause. “I miss you guys,” Cora says quietly.

Kara’s heart aches. “We miss you too. All of us. You know Aunt Alex almost abandoned her clinic to drive to Massachusetts so you wouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving.”

Cora laughs. “I'm not surprised. I’ll be back in New York for the holidays this year, at least.”

Just then, the office door opens and Lena walks in, her arms full of shopping bags. When her eyes land on Kara, she smiles like she's been waiting to see her all day.

“Your Mum just came in, Cora. Do you want to talk to her?” As Cora yells in delight, Kara holds the phone out, laughing. She gets a quick kiss from Lena before the receiver is handed over, and while her wife and adoptive daughter bond over the complex chemical formulas Cora is working on for her Masters project, Kara peeks into the bags Lena left on the desk. Sure enough, they’re full of gifts for Jess. It looks like she’ll be wrapping them when they get home, while Lena gets ready.

“Okay, you go have fun. Call us next week and let us know when you’ll be coming home, okay?” Lena smiles at Cora’s reply. “Yes, yes, I know we’re overbearing. Okay. We love you.” Lena hangs the phone up, turning back to Kara with a tired smile.

“How was your day?”

Instead of replying, Kara just wraps her arms around her wife, burying her face in Lena’s shoulder. She breathes deep, and Lena’s familiar scent calms her after her long week.

Lena scratches gently at the base of Kara’s hairline. “That good, hmm?”

Kara groans wordlessly in response.

“Alright, love. I have a cab waiting outside.”

Kara huffs, squeezing more tightly and burrowing deeper. Lena chuckles.

“Let’s go home. We can get a glass of wine or two in you, and then head to Jess and Lucy’s.”

Reluctantly, Kara leaves the safe haven of Lena’s perfumed neck and picks up her briefcase. “Fine. Spoilsport.”

“You love me anyways.”

“Yeah, I guess so...”

Lena smacks her arm, and Kara grabs her hand, kissing it as she grins. “Of course I love you. You’re the light of my life.”

“Keep sweet-talking like that, and we might be late to Jess’ party.”

“…I’d be okay with that.”

* * *

“A little help here, guys?”

Kara struggles to open the door to Lucy and Jess’ apartment with her arms full of wrapped packages, Lena behind her holding several bottles of wine.

“You’re late! Didn’t I tell you not to have sex in the cab? _Didn’t_ _I_?” Lucy yells from the dining room as she sets out plates and wine glasses. She brandishes a handful of forks threateningly in their direction as she talks.

“Okay, yes, but we brought presents.”

“Any for me?”

“Some of them will benefit both of you.” Lena assures her.

“….you are forgiven.” Lucy disappears into the next room, and Kara drops one of the packages overflowing in her grip.

“Good god, Kara, how many gifts did you bring?” James rushes to help Kara with her precarious stack of boxes, and Kara finally slips inside.

“It wasn’t me, it was Lena! She just kept buying them!”

Lena smiles sheepishly. “It’s my best friend’s 40th birthday, I’m allowed to go a little overboard.”

Kara hears Jess’ voice ring out from the kitchen in response.

“Lena, I told you not to buy me anything!”

“Yes, but I’m your boss, so what I say goes!”

Kara listens to the exchange, smiling as she sets the gifts on the coffee table. While they argue playfully Kara is wrapped in a tight hug from behind - she laughs as Lois lets go and pecks her on the cheek.

“Kara! It’s been too long, we’ve missed you.” Clark raises his drink as he leans against the doorframe, smiling. “We work in the same building and I hardly see you!”

Kara sighs, wrapping her arms around his large shoulders. “I know, I know. I practically live in my office these days.”

As they embrace there’s a knock at the door, and Kara runs to answer it. She’s swept into another hug the moment it opens.

“Eliza!” Her foster mother pulls back and pats her cheek, smiling. “You came!”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss Jess’ birthday. She’s one of my favourite surrogate children,” Eliza winks as she brings her own gift to add to the pile. “Is Cora coming?”

“No, she couldn’t leave school during exams. But she sends her love.”

The house is a warm haven against the early December chill outside, the windows frosted and the kitchen toasty warm. She can hear ambient conversation and the sound of a catchy jazz record. Kara smells something wonderful in the oven, and silently thanks whoever is listening that Jess is cooking, and not Lucy – Lucy’s last attempt at a dinner party ended up with everyone going to Kara’s favourite Chinese restaurant down the street to escape the smoked-out apartment. Kara smiles at the memory as she gazes through the window at the twinkling lights of the city.

“What’s got you smiling?” Winn sidles up beside her, nudging her with his shoulder. “We’ve hardly seen you lately, you’re so busy at Catco.”

Kara sighs. “I know. With the economy the way it is, we’re all working overtime. Even Cat is nervous.”

It’s true that she’s been busy lately – she’s been staying late almost every night, usually not leaving until Cat herself does. Ever since Cat had promoted her to Art Director, she’s been working hard to prove that she deserves the position, but ever since the big stock crash in October there’s been added stress about Catco’s survival. So far Cat has been able to minimize layoffs by taking pay cuts herself (as well as ‘convincing’ all of her higher executives to take cuts as well) and cutting discretionary spending, but Kara can tell that she’s worried.

It’s comforting, at least, that Lena is somewhat irreplaceable at her firm. It’s been a long road to get there – Lena excelled in school, graduating early as well as at the top of her class, but she had still faced barriers in getting work. Most male engineers scoffed at the idea of a woman doing their job. Now Lena is proving them all wrong – she practically runs the firm, and Kara has never been more proud than she was the day ‘Dawson’ was added to the company name.

They’re currently working on something top-secret, but Lena has told Kara that it’s a building – one meant to rival the tallest buildings in the world. Lena is one of the project heads, and their apartment is currently full of discarded plans covered in Lena’s tidy scrawl, the numbers and measurements dizzying. Even when they’re not at work they’re still working, trying their best to support Cora’s studies at MIT, as well as their friends when they can. James and Lucy’s jobs aren’t as secure as the rest of them, and Eliza’s retirement will likely dry up eventually with the way things are going.

Kara shakes herself out of her spiraling thoughts. Tonight isn’t for worrying about the future – tonight is a celebration of Jess, their group’s youngest member and Lena’s dearest friend. She’s the last of them to hit 40, and Lena splurged on the presents this year. Kara is eternally grateful for their little family, forged in tragedy and practically inseparable, even after almost 20 years. They made it through the worst disaster in recent history and the war to end all wars - even in these uncertain times, Kara knows they’ll all pull through somehow.

“Earth to Kara!” Lucy’s voice cuts into Kara’s musings, and she only has a moment to prepare herself before her arms are full of the energetic brunette. “It’s my girlfriend’s birthday, no brooding.”

“I’m not brooding! Just…thinking,” Kara retorts.

“Well, stop thinking! It’s dinner time.”

Lucy pushes Kara towards the dining room, and her stomach growls as Jess brings out a sizzling roast. Lena follows, uncorking the wine, and Kara feels her heart skip.

They’re not in their twenties anymore, but to Kara, Lena gets more and more beautiful with every passing year. There are laugh lines at her eyes and mouth now; her black hair is streaked with a few dignified lines of silver, and she needs a pair of thick-rimmed eyeglasses when she reads, and Kara loves her just as deeply as she did when they first met, if not more. There are still times when Kara is so full of desperate love, so overwhelmed with it, that she sweeps clean whatever surface in their apartment is nearest and pins her to it – it helps that Lena always responds with great enthusiasm. Alex caught them at it on their kitchen counter a few months ago, Lena perched at the edge with Kara kneeling between her legs, and swore never to eat at their apartment again.

 _“You two have a **bed,** and you’re still sullying every surface in the house like teenagers! I don’t need to **see** that!” _Kara smiles at the memory. As she does, Alex herself barges through the door without knocking, as usual, and Kara laughs to herself.

“Sorry we’re late!”

Maggie follows with a tray of desserts – Kara sees chocolate pecan pie, and groans in delight.

“Maggie, I could _kiss_ you.”

Maggie laughs good-naturedly. “Please don’t. I don’t think I could handle juggling two Danvers women. One is more than enough.” She kisses Alex’s cheek and carries the dishes to the kitchen, leaving Kara to wrap her sister in a tight hug.

“Missed you, kiddo,” Alex murmurs into her hair, and Kara feels buoyant as her family starts to gather around the wooden table.

As they all dig in, Kara seated between Lena and Eliza, Kara is too distracted by the delicious food to carry on much conversation. Instead she listens, content to stuff her face and enjoy being surrounded by friends. Lena and Winn are engrossed in a discussion about a new project at their firm, some kind of new steel alloy to be used on skyscrapers. The details are lost on Kara, but Lena is practically glowing as she talks, and that’s enough for her.

On her other side, Eliza inquires about Maggie’s job as a police officer, and subtly asks Alex about her plans for a family.

“Mom, it’s not like I don’t _want_ kids. We’re just too busy. I’m working 7 days a week!”

“I know, I know. It’s just that Cora is all grown up and off at college, and it would be nice to have a little one around.”

Maggie puts an arm around Alex’s shoulders. “Maybe we’ll get there someday, but for now, I’m happy just with Alex and the dogs.” Alex smiles gratefully and kisses Maggie’s nose.

Across the table, Lucy feeds Jess a piece of pie and leans in to kiss the chocolate from her lips. James flicks some whipped cream at them.

“Get a room!”

“It’s my birthday, and this is my house, so I’ll be as gross as I want to, Mr. Olsen.” Jess flicks some cream back at him, and Lois – who is seated directly in the splash zone – has to intervene before it turns into a full-fledged food fight.

After dinner they move to the sitting room to open gifts, and Jess’ incredulous protests get louder with each extravagant package.

“Lena, this dress is – how much did – _Lena_.“

Lena shrugs, looking pleased but slightly pink. “I saw it and thought of you.”

Lucy holds the dress up and whistles. “Well, I for one am _very_ grateful, and she’s definitely going to try it on once everyone leaves.”

Alex groans, and throws a pillow in her direction. “Ugh, Luce!”

“What? Like I didn’t have to hear you and Maggie going at it when we were staying with Lois?”

“That was _one time!”_

“It most certainly was _not_ only one time. The walls were thin, Danvers.”

Kara cuts in, gagging. “Ugh, please stop talking about my sister having sex!”

“Oh, don’t even _start_ on how many times I’ve walked in on you and Lena –“

“Okay!” Eliza interjects, laughing. “That’s about as much as I want to know, you two. How about a game?”

Lucy goes to get a deck of cards, and everyone settles into a circle around the coffee table. Lena tucks her feet up onto the couch and Kara pulls them onto her lap. Looking around at each of her friends in turn, Kara’s eyes finally fall on her wife – beautiful Lena, with her toes wiggling against Kara’s legs and her head thrown back in reckless laughter at something Jess says. She’s sure her expression must be insufferably sappy, but she can’t bring herself to care. She’s here with almost everyone she cares about, and she just has a feeling – tonight is a good night.

* * *

The morning after Jess’ party dawns crisp and sunny, and Lena stretches luxuriously as she remembers that for the first time in weeks, she and Kara both don’t have to work today.

Beside her, Kara stirs sleepily and blinks awake. Lena curls into her side, nuzzling under her jaw affectionately.

“Morning, love. Do you know what we have to do today?”

Kara frowns. “Uh…no? What do we have to do?”

 “Absolutely _nothing_.” Lena punctuates the statement with a firm kiss.

Slowly, Kara’s face morphs into a bright smile. The smile turns slightly devious as she slides a hand around Lena’s waist, pulling her over until she’s straddling Kara’s hips.

“Nothing, huh? I can think of a few things to do.”

“Can you? Enlighten me,” Lena teases, grinding her hips down subtly. Kara tries to grab Lena’s hips to pull her down harder, but Lena captures her hands first.

She pulls Kara’s hands up and pins them to the bed, intertwining their fingers, and the movement makes Kara’s wedding ring glint in the morning light that streams through the window. She feels a wave of reckless happiness wash over her. Leaning forward, her dark hair falls like a curtain around them, blocking out the outside world. There’s only Kara, her smile and her crystal blue eyes that still shine with love and desire after all these years. She hovers just out of Kara’s reach, nipping at her jaw as Kara arches her back in an attempt to get closer.

“Lenaaa…stop teasing,” Kara groans as Lena’s teeth scrape gently up her neck. Finally, she licks the shell of Kara’s ear and whispers in a low voice.

“Make me.”

As Kara growls and rolls her over, sliding her now-freed hands under Lena’s shirt, she feels that same happiness rise inside her until she can practically feel it shining through her skin. She’s surprised that Kara doesn’t feel its heat as her mouth descends to her chest. She tangles her hand in Kara’s long hair and basks in the sensations – Kara’s tongue swirling, her strong hands sliding over her belly, her thigh nudging Lena’s legs apart and pressing with intent. It’s intimate and familiar and comforting and absolutely wonderful.

_Perfect. This is perfect._

They don’t end up eating breakfast until almost noon, an indulgence for two people who are usually out of the house by 6am. As Kara sings to the wafflemaker, Lena sits on the counter, watching Kara dance her way through pouring batter and slicing fruit and enjoying the pleasant soreness in her muscles.

They share kisses as they eat, tasting of strawberries and syrup. When Lena returns from cleaning up the kitchen, Kara is waiting with a sketchpad at the ready, looking at Lena expectantly.

Lena sits down, running her fingers through her messy hair. “Don’t you have enough drawings of me? It must be getting old to draw the same face all the time.”

“Drawing you never gets old.”

Lena laughs, making herself comfortable on the sofa. “Well, nothing must compare to that first portrait you did.”

Kara grins. “You know, it has been a while since I drew you naked.” Her eyes roam Lena’s body over her loose weekend dress. “I’ve always wanted to try to capture what you look like when you’re coming.”

_“Kara!”_

“Honestly Lena, I was inside you an hour ago, and _that’s_ what makes you blush?”

Lena throws a couch cushion at her.

As Kara draws, Lena picks up the newspaper that Kara brought in earlier that morning and starts to read idly. Halfway through she freezes, her heart jumping in her chest alarmingly. Just above the startling headline is a face she’s never been able to forget. He’s older, his hair thinner and his moustache grown out, but his face is unmistakeable.

“Kara.”

“Hmm?”

Lena swallows and Kara glances up from her sketchpad, looking worried at her strange expression. Lena starts to read aloud.

“Daxam heir commits suicide as interests plummet…”

Kara blinks, trying to process her words. “Is it…”

Lena nods, continuing. “Mon-El Daxam, aged 45, committed suicide by gunshot yesterday. He was found in his Manhattan home last night. A survivor of the Titanic sinking of 1912, Daxam lost his fiancée Lena Luthor in the disaster…”

Lena’s voice falters at that. _Lena Luthor._ It’s been ages since she heard that name. Clearing her throat, she keeps reading. “But soon remarried Imra Ardeen, well-known New York socialite. His mother, Countess Rhea Daxam, was unavailable for comment, but initial investigation has revealed that the stock crash earlier this year saw his investments dry up, leaving only the small remainder of his inheritance. He leaves behind wife Imra and three children. The sharing of his remaining estate is yet to be determined.” 

There’s a moment of silence as both of them digest the news. Lena can’t decide how she feels. She’s almost embarrassed to admit that she feels a sort of savage pleasure in knowing that he died miserable and alone, but another part of her feels almost sorry for him. He had genuinely tried to kill her and Kara both that night the Titanic sunk, but she still feels a sense of melancholy as the finality settles in. Mon-El is dead. Since her mother went to jail for her crimes during the War, Mon-El was the last connection to the life she abandoned long ago, and now he too is gone.

She startles when she looks up from the paper and sees Kara kneeling in front of her, hands on her knees.

“Lena? Are you all right?” She looks painfully concerned, and Lena smiles. Sweet, soft Kara, always so concerned about her welfare. She always has been, from the moment they locked eyes. Kara had told her long ago about the connection she felt that day, about the sadness she had sensed in Lena just from a few seconds of eye contact. The sadness that Kara slowly chased away with years of sunny smiles and unconditional love. She reaches to cup Kara’s cheek reassuringly.

“I’m fine. I think I just need a few minutes to myself, if that’s okay?”

“Of course.” Kara nods, understanding. “Call me if you need me?” Lena rises and kisses Kara’s forehead before heading to the bedroom. Closing the door behind her, she takes a few measured breaths.

It’s been years since she’s truly thought about Mon-El, or the Titanic. She and Kara had never been pestered by the media to tell their stories, since Kara had boarded with a ticket in another name and Lena had changed hers the moment they reached New York. Technically speaking, Lena Luthor did die on the Titanic. It had been easy to claim that all her identification had sunk with the ship, and she was given new documentation fairly quickly along with a lot of other immigrants in the chaotic aftermath.

Kara had helped her with the bad dreams and flashbacks she had for the first few years afterwards, and now it’s like a scar, an old war wound – she knows the trauma is there, but it doesn’t usually bother her anymore. She’s been Lena Dawson for almost 18 years now. Lena Luthor feels like someone else, a character in a book perhaps. An unhappy girl who died long ago.

Slowly, Lena walks across the room and opens the closet. Inside, her side and Kara’s are easily distinguished – Lena’s is all dresses and crisp power suits, heels and long jackets in jewel tones, and Kara’s is primarily pants and dress shirts in different colours and patterns, suspenders and boots with a few sweaters and formal dresses shoved into the back. In the far corner, under some spare blankets and a precarious pile of books and sketching paper, is a box. Lena pulls it out and opens it, her heart speeding up slightly.

She removes each article slowly, every one bringing back memories. A faded white gossamer dress with a blue bodice – she remembers Kara’s hands rucking it up her thighs in the back seat of an old car, and how it tangled around her legs in the swirling water as she pulled Kara through flooded hallways. A white dress shirt, now yellowed and flecked with rusty blood stains, with a button still missing – she remembers how her hands shook as she ripped it open, how bright the crimson blood had looked on Kara’s hands when she pulled her off of Mon-El’s prone form.

Clark and Lois had loaned them clothes and some money to buy a few things when they first landed here – Kara has since paid them back, and then some – and Lena had immediately thrown everything they wore that night into this box. She had never been able to throw it out, but neither had she been able to open it up again, until now.

Finally, she pulls out a long black coat, still crusted and heavy with salt. She remembers the cold weight of it, how Mon-El had knocked Kara’s hands away to put it on her shoulders. As the thick fabric runs through her fingers, she feels something heavy and hard.

Frowning, Lena grasps at the spot. There’s definitely something inside the jacket. She must have missed it in her rush to hide away the memories of that night. Reaching into the deep inner pocket, her fingers find something cool and smooth and vaguely familiar. Her heart skips a beat.

_No. It can’t be._

Pulling her now-shaking hand out, she stares at the object between her fingers. A bright blue stone, in the shape of a heart, on a diamond-studded chain. She gapes at it for a few seconds, everything around her seeming to slow down.

_The Heart of the Ocean. Mon-El’s diamond….my diamond._

It was in Mon-El’s coat. He had obviously forgotten when he put it on her shoulders. She wonders if that was why he had come down to look for her on the Carpathia. Perhaps.

All at once, it hits her.

_We could sell this. It’s been missing all these years…it would be worth… **millions.**_

She and Kara don’t need millions. They both have fulfilling jobs that pay well despite both of their pay cuts, and she loves their cozy apartment. But right now, all of their friends are in shaky financial situations – James doesn’t like to admit it but he’s on the verge of losing his studio, and Lucy has been having trouble getting clients when nobody has the money to pay. Alex’s practice is doing all right, but she has a habit of ‘forgetting’ to charge patients who are down on their luck which, lately, is most of them. Even for Winn, who works at her firm, her influence only extends so far. She and Kara both want Cora to have the best education money can buy, and she’s having trouble supporting herself during her postgraduate degree. Money like this could help all of them.

“Kara?” Lena calls out in a quivering voice. Immediately, she hears footsteps rushing down the hall and Kara appears in the doorway.

“Are you all right? What do you need?” Kara’s eyes search her face, and Lena wordlessly holds out the diamond. As Kara’s eyes land on it, she blinks a few times, looking confused.

“Lena…is that…?”

“Yes. It was in his coat pocket.”

“In his…” Her eyes land on the black coat in Lena’s lap, and she gapes. She moves over to Lena, sinking down to her knees next to her. “How…how much is that worth?”

“A lot. When he bought it for me, it was worth almost a million dollars. Now, after it’s been lost for 20 years…”

“We could help so many people with that.”

Lena looks at Kara, who is turning the diamond over in her hands with a look of amazement. She’s never had any reason to doubt her decision to be with Kara, and this is just further proof – her reaction wasn’t excitement or greed, but wonder. Wonder at the people who could be spared hardship with access to money like this. She’s still so selfless, so eager to _help_.

“We could expand Alex’s practice. Make it a real free clinic. We could start a charity.” Lena whispers, leaning her forehead on Kara’s shoulder. “You could help keep Catco running, and James’ studio, and Lucy’s firm. We could do so many things.”

“I think that’s a pretty good way to spit on Mon-El’s memory, don’t you?” Kara’s smile turns slightly cheeky, and Lena laughs in disbelief.

“We’re really going to be okay, aren’t we?”

“We are. And so are a lot of other people, thanks to you.” Kara kisses her head gently.

“Thanks to _us_. I wouldn’t be here without you, Kara.”

Kara nods. “Whatever we do with this, we do it together.”

“Together. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that’s it for this part of the story! The epilogue was a bit short, I know, but don’t worry - those one-shots are coming. If anyone has a prompt for something they want to see, hit me up here or on Tumblr, and I’ll try to work it in somewhere! Your comments have kept me going. I've been so flattered by the response to this. Hopefully the epilogue did it justice!


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